I feel like the worst mum

[NiKiTaCoLlEt]

Hey ladies,
Just need to get it off my chest. Iv posted before and told you I suffer from, PND, anxiety and OCD!!
And having a really tough time at the moment.
I feel guilty ALL the time, I have a 15 month old little boy and everything I do I doubt myself. Let him watch tv GUILT don’t play on floor with him on day GUILT didn’t go out today GUILT.. today I feel horrendous, we had a lovely day and did loads of fun stuff filled with smiles and laughter and then when it came to bed time I took him upstairs and did the normal routine BUT he wouldn’t settle, kept standing up and i kept laying him back down, this continued for 5 minutes and then I texted my husband and asked him to take over. I just couldn’t be bothered and how bad is that?? I feel so bad and guilty, how lazy and shit does that make me!?
Just feel horrendous about it!! Like I’m his mum I should have more patience and stuck it out, I should want to stick it out?!! I just couldn’t be bothered. :-( I’m the same with naps it takes anything from 30-40 to get him to sleep and the whole time I’m thinking COME ON sleep I need some me time!! How selfish!!?! I love him with EVERY PIECE OF MY HEART so why am I so excited for him to nap and go to bed and why do I lack patience for it?

Also side note as panicking- he’s 15 months and isn’t walking or saying any words yet. Apart from Dada, Mama and “in there” (putting toys away)

Sorry for long post I just needed to let it out
🧡XXX

Hey you are really not selfish at all. I feel the same every day. My daughter is 5 and I can’t wait for her to go to bed so I get couple of hours to myself. Since she wakes up it’s go go go so it’s very tiring. As they’ve older it gets a little bit easier where she occupies herself for 10min or if I tell her to wait than she will. I love my day more than anything I miss when she is at school and we have lovely time together but like I said I can’t wait to have some grown up time with my husband. I was actually thinking this is one of the main reasons putting me off another as I would have no time to myself for another 5 years!
Everyone needs time to themselves , maybe there are some super humans that don’t but I haven’t met any ;)

I also want to add that we did try for second for nearly 1.5 years and had 2 miscarriages so we stopped now . But as she is getting older I started to think there is no way I want to go back to those dark days with no sleep etc. I also wanted to say I am the kind of person needs regular breaks to recharge and keep going so maybe a second wouldn’t be good for me. I also worry about everything and I am finding that one is enough

Just remember your fear is False Evidence Appearing Real

my son is 14 months. Not walking and only saying dada and imitating the dog barking. I wouldn't worry

I think that anyone putting their infant to sleep for40 +minutes thinks like that. You’d be bovine if you didn’t. Really it’s totally normal. It’s dull, it’s frustrating, it’s irritating. Nobody revels in it.

Every parent get the guilt! It's a killer..guilt about just about everything to do with my little ones..I asked my mil is it normal, she told me all mum's feel guilt and worry from the minute they are in your tummy! And according to her, the worry gets worse the older they get..my DH is 30 now and she still worries!

Going off other mums I have spoken to, everybody seems to have it..I think it's just being a parent!

If your on social media, get off it! People make out they are doing things with their babies / children 24 hours a day! The reality is some days even get them dressed is an achievement 😂

Don't feel the pressure!

Hi, just wanted to say you're not alone. I have a 14mo DD and also suffer from anxiety and OCD. It's tough and often I am too tired to play with DD etc. I also get v frustrated trying to get her to go to sleep as it can take ages. I got my husband to take over just the other night, I was in tears cos i get so fixated on how bad she is at sleeping, it's stupid really but I think it's part of my OCD.

It's normal to want time to yourself though, try not to beat yourself up

Don't feel guilty I feel the same some days with my 18 month old DS. I wake up some days and just think I cant be bothered at all and wish I could spend all day in bed watching Netflix. He is still a terrible sleeper and when you are sleep deprived everything is a massive effort. As for the walking, mine walked at 16 months so don't worry about that.

I second the poster who said get off social media. I came off facebook and that really helped my anxiety and feeling like I was a failure. You have to remember most people don't talk about their failures and will try to make everything sound perfect.

You are not alone.

I frequently can't be arsed either but I obviously am Havig a young kid is knackering

Hey ladies me again.

Feeling the guilt and need some reassurance. Feeling so low about it. I’m really worried I’m not a good enough mum and I’ve already done damage to my 16 month old because of my behavior. And I don’t know if it’s just be being stupid and overthinking everything because of my anxiety.

Things that I’ve noticed I do..... on my phone ALOT in front of him when he’s playing- so means not actively playing with him. (But I do play with him also through the day)

Put tv on for 10 mins hear and there so I can have 5 minutes.
He also has 1hr tv in the morning.

I don’t know just feel like Im rubbish.

I’m so lucky as he naps for 2.5 hrs during the day, so plenty of time for me to do what I need to and have some time for myself BUT I still then go on my phone a lot and feel like I need the occasional 5 minutes to myself.

Routine.

He wakes at 6am- tv for 15minutes

Breakfast together

7am tv for 30mins

Get ready for the day (he plays in playroom while I get myself ready)

Go out at 9am for the morning (playgroups and walks)

Home for 12- lunch

Naps for 2.5hrs

Wakes- snack and we go into play room together- read books, play. But I find myself on my phone a lot whilst he plays rather than actively play with him

Daddy home at 5.30

Dinner, bath, in the night garden, story, bottle and sleep by 7.30-8

How does this sound? Am I doing enough!? Why do I find the need to be on my phone so much and use the tv to have 5mins hear and there even though I have his nap time!? It’s like I can’t even do 10 hours of awake time with him and be 100%. He’s also so well behaved and no trouble and a joy. What’s wrong with me am I a shit mum!?

The 5 minutes hear and there is because i ‘vape’ so I pop outside (I can always see him) but I feel guilty for it.

I just want to be a good mum.

Sorry for massive post I’m just so low about it all. Xxx

Anyone!? 😭

hi NiKiTaCoLlEt, you really not a bad mum, trust me. You have a young child and to be honest it's boring especially if you are home with him all day. Are you working part-time or full time mum?
I was working 4 days a week when my daughter was that young and even than I used to be soooooooo bored. That age they can't really do much , talk to you and nothing interesting. My daughter is 5 now and I find that we can play board games, drawing properly, and things that could also keep me interested. Even than I get bored and put the TV on and I am on my phone. What you said about you being on your phone brought up my memories, I would be just sitting with my phone looking at rubbish rather than wanting to play with my child.
My husband on the other hand can play with her for like 2 hours without getting bored. It's just different personality types. Don't even think you are not a good enough mum, actually questioning this makes you better mum as you are so aware of this. Also yes anxiety issues can cause these feelings as I have anxiety but trust me it gets better as they get older, lots of hugs and let me know how you are feeling x

Thank you so much I really needed this. You have no idea how much you have brightened my day xxxx

I don’t work so it’s just me and him all day xxx

NIkit. Grandmothers have the same guilt. Some days when we care for them, we may feel rotten, aches and pains, weather awful as it is now. From our first to our last grandchild, we beat ourselves up about it.

Oh and fyi having had three DC`s, it is bloody boring at times.

hey NiKiTaCoLlEt , I am glad my post helped. Seriously if I didn't work and stay at home with a child I would go mad. My daughter had a long xmas school break (3 weeks), and at the end I thought I became a zombi :) my mind was sooooo numb and bored from occupying her. Thank god my husband helped a lot with playing etc...
I love spending time with her after work for an hour or so and also on the weekends, but comes Monday I can't wait to send her to school. It will get much better for you as he gets older, as I mentioned you can play board games, etc and he will go to school, you will love it than x