I feel like ending my marriage but also don't want to I need help!

[Cmad116]

I've been with my husband for 7 years married for one and we have a beautiful 6 month old daughter. I guess our problems started during my pregnancy I had HG which left me either in hospital or basically bedbound with a bowl fast forward to when our girl was born I was re admitted to hospital with suspected coliatus and since then with my husband it's been down hill he didn't stay with me at the hospital said he was to tired refuses and I mean refuses to help care for our daughter won't help me make bottles wash bottles change nappies etc.. he kicked off when I asked for a evening out with my friends for dinner which resulted in me going but his parents having to come and help him with the baby... I've just had enough I dont know what I can do to get him to help me at this point I'm only staying because im on maternity leave and finacially I need him around I feel like when I go back to work i dont need him at all he doesn't help me support me even talk to me just comes home from work and watches stupid pod cast on his phone or watches sports. I'm honestly at my wits end and just can't see a way for our marriage to survive. I really want it to I come from a family where my parents have been married for over 30 years and I respect and value the importance of marriage but I'm so desperately unhappy... is this worth it?!

You have to leave. He sounds absolutely useless.

Has he always been like this? I think you should consider PPD. PPD and PND expresses like this in some people.

What did his parents say when they had to come round?

My situation isn't too dissimilar to yours, and I'm struggling to decide too.
Could you suggest marriage counselling??

My husband suffers with anxiety and depression has since i met him so his parents don't say anything his childhood is the reason he has these problems so when he ask for help as a adult they do it as i guess they feel guilty. I have got him leaflets from baby group for dad's struggling he refuses to go he won't help himself.. I could suggest marriage counselling but he wouldn't even go to the counselling the doctors asked him to go to when he first got put on anti depressants so i dont think that will work. I really try to be understanding of his problems but I'm exhausted and feel like his playing on it to just get out of doing anything. His response when I bring it up is I think I'll be better when she's older... I'll be able to handle her more! I wouldn't even probably mind as much if he did some stuff round the house but the most he contributes to our marriage is going to work and paying the bills. I love him I do but I literally hate him atm and I feel like I'm trapped.

my heart goes out to you OP!

My OH also doesn't do anything around the house, goes out to work and pays the mortgage etc but all household/ childcare is "my" role in his eyes as I'm not working he says 😳😠.

His saving grace is he does love our little girl and she dotes on him. But I feel selfish when I think to myself is that enough? But my life is stretching out ahead of me in a long lonely line at the moment.

I really hope you can see a way forward,,. Maybe call his bluff and say you want to leave? If he isn't bothered then sadly you've got your answer, you can't flog a dead horse.

Something needs to change for your sanity's sake. Your husband really needs to start pulling his weight and be told if he's not helping with child he can do extra housework. When your child is older the childcare and housework duties can be more equal then. If he doesn't agree I'm afraid it's not looking good

From your posts it sounds like your saying he isn't helping because of his mental health, but, having anxiety,depression etc is no excuse for shirking your parental responsibilities. We are very quick to make excuses for men when it comes to child care and domestic responsibilities but anxious,depressed women raise kids and keep houses everyday. You need to have a sit down with your husband and have a very straight forward conversation with him about his responsibilities as a husband and father. If he isn't going to help you may as well be doing it by yourself, it would probably be easier. Perhaps some straight talking will give home a wake up call.