Shamed into having more children!!

[PrincessDaff]

Hi everyone, me and my dp were out at the weekend with some of his family and yet again the topic of us having more children came up! We have an 18 month old ds and we have decided we do not want anymore children due to a number of reasons, i.e awful pregnancy, financial reasons, our son still doesnt sleep and just the fact we feel our family is complete!

Anyway I am sick to death of people thinking its ok to tell us how selfish we are and that our son will be a spoiled brat! I got really upset with one of dps cousins for saying that if we didnt have another child he would be absolutely gutted and he thinks we are cruel parents (dont know why our decision effects him so much).

Has anybody else had this? Its really getting me down now.

Very rude. None of their business is it? Can't you just say that your baby is only 18m and there's no hurry to make any decisions yet. You want this D's to have all your time and attention for the time being and if/when you decide to have another one, they'll be the first to know.

You have to just refuse to engage with this.

People try to influence others to make the same decisions as themselves for selfish reasons. It makes them feel more secure and supported in the decisions they themselves made.
They will do it about everything, careers, education, housing, cars.

Unfortunately it never stops. I have an only child and won't be having anymore for various reasons, my mil knows this but still makes remarks about having another. I used to get upset but now I just ignore the comments.

We have 'only' our daughter. It was an emotional rollercoaster getting her in the first place so I used to get really peed off when people said 'so.....you're going to have another?". Not many people know the 'other' was not a viable pregnancy, so lost my second early on. Sometimes I say 'well, there was going be 'another' but that baby didn't make it", that usually shuts them up. Or I just brush it off, 'oh I'm far too old now".
To be honest, there's no right or wrong way to answer. We are happy with having one child, she gets all the attention and care she needs and is growing up to be an independent, confident child. I have neighbours with 3 kids under the age of 5 and jeeeezzz, I so don't envy them. But each to themselves, I guess.

Thanks for your replies, its nice to know we are not the only ones. I just think its a situation were people think they have a right to say something to you. You wouldnt have anybody telling a couple having another baby that they are making a mistake and are selfish people! I just need to ignore them and not rise to it.

I'm currently experiencing the same. A family member keeps trying to guilt trip me into having a second. All because my 18 month who is a happy boy who plays independently really well and therefore must be lonely and needs a sibling to play with. Oh bloody bore off with your "I was an only child and I hated it" bull shit and stop projecting.

Can you tell it's a sore subject at the moment?

People try to influence others to make the same decisions as themselves for selfish reasons. It makes them feel more secure and supported in the decisions they themselves made.
They will do it about everything, careers, education, housing, cars.

This is very true. People are insecure; if someone makes a different decision from them it makes them feel more insecure about their own choices.

Haha demtoes I am the same. I have a friend who is an only child who loves it and a friend who has a brother she hates and hasnt seen in 7 years! I think because both me and dp have siblings there is an unwritten rule that we should have more than one. I love my siblings but my mum had also had all three of us by my age now and she could stay at home with us. We couldnt live off one wage so we both work full time.

I just can't believe the audacity some people have to comment on other people's personal choices, I guess that goes for everything in life, but this one person has the ability to make me feel guilty about it, whilst also making me feel.like a shit parent becuase DS happily plays alone like it's some sort development/personality issues

I agree with OP above, you wouldn't comment about second or third children and how it would be selfish, so why with a singleton? (I'm sure there are people who would be rude enough to comment, in fact just STFU and keep all your opinions to yourself!)

I'm an only with an only, by choice. I've mostly been able to be nice about the many idiotic comments I've heard over the years. Although once when being grilled in a not particularly polite way on why we weren't going to have another by someone who had something like four kids, I may have responded with "Because excitingly, we've figured out how birth control works."

I used to just say 'who knows?' When I was asked about a second child. It pissed people right off.

I have had similar.

We've recently bought a three bed house, currently in a tiny two bed with me dp and ds. It was perfect for dp on his own, alright for the two of us and just a bit uncomfortably small for the three of us.

We don't have a great deal of stuff but where we are now has very little storage and there isn't an inch of space.

A (childless) relative said to me 'oh, new house new baby' with a wink wink nudge nudge attitude.

I've been quite adamant that I would only ever have ds (unless I became pregnant unintentionally, again.) pregnancy was awful and I have said I would be more willing to adopt than be pregnant again.

Besides, ds is (to me) basically perfect, and we have a lovely peaceful life and a great bond. We're a very happy three.

I replied with 'if we were planning to have another baby we would have bought a four bed house, not a three. The third room is a playroom /study so that ds has somewhere dedicated to play /study as he grows.

That shut her up pretty quickly.

Also to all of the 'I was an only child and I hated it' - ers

I was an only child and I bloody loved it, and frequently and vehemently answered 'no!' when asked if I would like a sibling.

The very idea of having another kid around permanently literally made me cry.

This sort of thing is ridiculous - each to her own. I was an only child. Didn’t bother me at the time, although now I’d love to have someone around to share the problem of my elderly mother and the joy of my kids. My DH is one of three, but would have preferred to be an only and finds his siblings a hindrance when dealing with his elderly parents. So there isn’t a “right answer”. Sure, blissfully happy siblings is probably better than an only if there’s enough time and money....but you can’t guarantee that! There are pros and cons of all scenarios; stick to your guns with your own choice, focus on the positives and try to mitigate the negatives. And don’t listen to anyone else.

Only have a two bedroom flat so more than one child without moving was never an option .

It’s bloody rude and intrusive. In much the same way as when DH and I spent 6 years TTC, having incessant questions about when we were going to have a baby, now it’s when are we going to have another. Never. Now fuck along.

"Oh good lord no! The next one will have four feet!" < + snort of derision> Usually shut people up.

I had a lovely pregnancy but a shit shit birth and cannot face that again. Having one child does not make me less of a mum than one with two +

Our 7yo has never asked for a sibling, never. And he is very happy with his four-footed hairy sister who tries to steal his pancakes

I send strength

If it comes to it, a swift "keep your nose out of my uterus" should suffice.

I got so fed up of this that in the end I just said "We can't" with accompanying sad face. That shuts them up. The fact you can't because you are using contraception (efficiently)is neither here nor there!