Ex Husband threatens to take children when he pleases and doesn't return them.

[Sugarpuffz1989]

I need advice, hopefully form someone who has been through something similar.

So i split from my abusive ex 4 months ago. He had the children 2 weeks after we split for a week but at the end of that week didn't stick to the agreed date to return them and had my say sorry and pay his fuel to get them back.

After that he had contact with them at my flat so he couldn't take them out of my site (which he seemed happy with because he has a 3 hour drive and i let him stay here instead of drive here then back and same again to return them.)

Since we had split he was harassing me, ringing me 50-70 times a day and making threats every time i would answer.
It came to a point where i stopped contact after getting advise from the police and my solicitor and they said wait until court as he is a narcissist and nothing good will ever come from me trying to sort contact out myself.

So 3 weeks went by and it was bliss, no contact, finally getting my head sorted, then i got a phone call from the school to say he was there now trying to take the children, So i called the police and went to the school and took them home, too which he followed me to my flat and the police removed him.

I had a long talk with my mum and she decided it was time to give him another chance to focus on the kids and not me, so she acted as as contact for him to sort visiting out, He said he would have them 10am Sunday until 10am the following Saturday (have it all in writing)
He asked if i could put some money towards his fuel and i said ok even though in the 4 months we have been separated he has only paid £120 towards his kids and wanted £30 back, he has a full time job and is atm living in the family home to himself as he refuses to sell and split.
Well monday he sent some message to my mum saying she needs to tall me to open back up communications for him to talk to me because if it did go to court he has overwhelming evidence against me to incriminate me? (no idea what).
So she ignore it then he messages saying he doesn't have enough money for fuel and he want the £9 maintenance back to cover it else he is going to put the children in care monday. Now i also have my 10 year old text me worried from the phone i sent her with saying mum please give money the money back else he is putting me in care! I was so angry, he doesn't even put those kids first and always uses them as a weapon to emotionally abuse me. When i get them back its zero contact again but what im asking is he has PR, now i have been quotes 3-5k to take him to court for residency and prohibited steps order, I dont have this sort of money right now and im not entitled to legal aid. I want him to take me to court for access and pay but instead he just keeps threatening to turn up at the school.

Any advice on what to do? Call his bluff? Surely social services will go against him in court that he would rather give them to them rather than to the mother who wants them.

Yes i do have a car.. I could go up there but its what he wants, He knows im scared of him and how much he has ruined my life, It may end up being what i do but it still comes to the fact that the minute they are in my car i full out will refuse any contact whatsoever with his children until its set out in court, Do you think this is right? Im so scared im doing the wrong thing all the time but i just want to protect them from this horrible man that is only interested in getting to me even if the cost if running over them first.

Does he still have the children OP? If so I think you need to call SS and explain the situation. I can assure you that they won't suddenly have the kids in care when their loving mother desperately wants them back but you need to show that you can adequately protect them. It's not for your DM to decide that he can have another chance to see them. He is a risk to them and to you and You need to seek appropriate support. Have you contacted women's aid? Could you speak to the school and explain that both times he's had the kids there have been issues with him returning them so they need to call the police if he turns up. Personally if my 10 year old was scared there and being told she'd be put in care I'd be going up there with support by any means necessary and demanding her back. If he refused I'd call the police.

Thank you for your response.
I often question myself and am too harsh as he has broken my self esteem over the years.
The police wont do much, they wouldn't last time he wouldn't return them and they were not that bothered at the school.
the school are great, they know whats going on and will always ring me if he turns up.
I feel like i have had to put my kids in harms way a few times to follow the courts guidance on what he has to mess up on before i have enough evidence to stop it. My youngest is only 5 and special needs so she wont have a clue whats going on.
yes he has them now, and instead of spending time with them he is putting all his time and effort into trying to get to me again.

Sorry to hear that OP. He sounds very emotionally abusive and I think you need to contact women's aid for support and advice. At the very least contacting the police would evidence him violating your agreements which would be very powerful in court. Your 10 year old also sounds very able and could communicate her wishes and experiences. I think this is where SS could be helpful. Also with your 5 year old if he has special needs that his dad can't meet by virtue of his arsehole behaviour. I would alert the police. Don't let him intimidate and drive you and your DCs down.