7 year old behaves badly at school - please help

[Patsos]

Hi all,

I need advice and support with dealing with sort of new situation.

I’m a proud mum of a marvellous boy - amazing, smart and talented. Recently he started year 2 of primary and turned seven last month.

After summer holidays as the new school year started he began to get into troubles at school. To name just few, he’s been rude to adults, seeking attention, violent, silly, not focusing and not listening. I am mortified because I get these reports of him pushing other children and being rude. He does not display these behaviour at home! Of course, he’s not an angel - can be stubborn and uncooperative, but it’s under control and well within the norm. He’s got the kindest heart, shares food and toys, calls me beautiful, loves his three cats, loves to draw and craft. Then I get message from teacher that he kicks off, gets physical with other children, he even got banned from cloak room as on three (!!!) occasions he’s been “caught going through pockets and bags and taking stuff”. I’m mortified.

Now, what am I missing? We are a perfectly normal, middle class family. My partner is a teacher, I’m a manager, we bought a house this year, there is nothing, NOTHING concerning going on in the house. At first I thought my son is just finding it difficult in new school, but now I’m worried sick.

I’m scared he will get labelled as the “naughty” one, the one no one wants to play with, the one who kids stay away from. Teachers are very much focused on his behaviour but it doesn’t seem to help.

Due to my work I cannot do school runs - we use a breakfast club and afterchool club run at the primary school he’s attending. He’s been going there only few weeks - the one hes been used to has been closed in September so we had to use the new one. There are two older boys who seem to not get on with him and wind each other up. He gets very emotional and loses his temper easily.

But the worst thing is - there is no pattern for his behaviour. He can have a BRILLIANT day at both school and after school club OR have bad day at school but no issues after, or the opposite, etc. Recently it’s been bad in both.

I just don’t know what to do. School writes me messages in a notepad but doesn’t seem to be doing much apart from “observing” him. Serious allegations - such as being violent or stealing - are just written down “for my information” and not followed up.

I am at loss here. Don’t know what to do. I know how amazing he can be most of the time - I know his “dark side” too (mardy, not focused, not confident).

Please can anyone talk to me? What do I do? How do I go on? Shall I seek some counselling? The source/trigger must be at school, as at home he’s kind and lovely and just imagining him fighting or being nasty makes me sick.

Please, help me.

Thank you

Hi,

I'd start by asking him for his perspective of these events that got him in trouble (if you haven't already), as there could be a crucial aspect in his misbehavior at school that isn't being seen.
His narrative probably won't provide a drastic change to the situation, but I think it always helps to ask the child for their perspective.
Perhaps he was retaliating against some classmates, or a teacher?

Additionally, whenever kids act out like this, it usually means they're unhappy with their surroundings, especially if they only act out in school. With that being said, maybe he's misbehaving because he is now unhappy at school. But why? Again, you should ask him. From my experience, some kids won't talk about negative things without being specifically asked about it! Just as an example, my DD was being bullied in her dance lessons for months (right up until she quit), and while I found out about the bullying before it was too late, she never told me just how severe the bullying was until many years later. When I asked why she never mentioned, she just shrugged it off and said she didn't want to make a fuss. :(

I could be wrong about this, but the school not telling you about any action they take against your boy's misbehavior seems like a bad sign. Is transferring schools a possibility? Of course, it should only be as a last resort, but transferring schools can help greatly.

Hope this helps. :)