42 years old. Am I too old?

[kavics]

I am 42 years old and have a 3 yr old child who I love dearly. It was a difficult pregnancy I was on heparin injections daily and was in hospital from wk34 with high blood pressure then preclampsia, emergency C-section. After I ended up in the mother and baby unit for 4 months with postnatal depression ( which I think it was only a reaction to the morphine they gave me as the psychosis was instant). After all this I am still longing for another baby. I would love to hold a newborn with a clear head also I would love to give the biggest present to my LO a sibling. I am scared that she will be lonely especially after we die. She will not have anyone to rely on. My side of her family is in Hungary. She does have 3 boy cousins here ( husband side) but that's all. Would you try for another one ? Am I too old now?

I really don't know what to do. I am scared but in the same time I literally dream having another one. I had 2 miscarriages before I had my LO at the age of 39 so it wasn't that I planned to have her so late. If I was 3 years younger I would go for it again despite all the complications but being 42 makes me think about it. My head says no my heart says yes. What would you do?

What does your doctor say about the prognosis for another pregnancy? How does your husband feel about it?

If it were me, I'd say no but it's not a purely rational decision. I would not do it against medical advice.

I was 38 when I had my son. I wish I had started earlier and had more children. I'm 42 soon and have started coming to terms with idea I won't have more (I'm single now so that's a factor). I just count my blessings.

But plenty of women do have a baby at 42+.

As for your Dd being lonely when you are gone - adults create their own families, she may have support when the time comes. Siblings ate not guaranteed to get on and closely support each other.

I don't think 42 is too old in general. I had my last at 41, also with lots of heparin, aspirin, high dose folic acid, thyroxine etc etc. I rattled from all the pills!

I guess I would worry about being away from the 3 yr old if I needed to be readmitted, especially if you don't have granny etc nearby. It's a tricky one. How confident are you that they can help you avoid the same outcome next time?

What does DH think about it? Does he want another one or does he think it's too risky?

My husband really wants one. He is not pressurising at all but he would love to have one more.He thinks it would be easier this time... we would be more prepared for complications etc..

I also had PE in my 1st pregnancy & 36, DC was born very prematurely & in NICU - I really struggled & wasn't sure about having DC2.

By 38, I'd seen a consultant for pre-conceptional advice, and decided to have another. Unfortunately I had 2 m/c.

So I had 1 last try at 40 & got pregnant very easily. DC2 was born at nearly 36 weeks & had a short nicu stay. It was a really stressful pregnancy but I'm so glad I did it.

I had my last one at 43. I had 2 MMC before having her, but conceived really quickly all 3 times.

You may find that you've left it too late and you can't actually get pregnant so you'd need to be prepared for that. I would be a bit concerned with your history that you will have problems again; my previous pregnancies were all trouble free, but this last one was breech so ended up with a CS. As a pp said, what would happen to your 3 yo if you were admitted early again?

A sibling would not be the biggest present you could give your little one. That would be your time, your love, and your support.

I’ve heard of lots of 41/2/3 year olds having babies no problem.

For me, it wasn’t to be. Conceived at 37- mmc, conceived at 38- lovely baby boy 😊 and again at 39- TFMR; T21 and baby very poorly.

Now, I fear trying for another, but the pull (hormones?) to have another is quite strong- stronger than before. My rational side is saying no, and my heart is saying yes.

Saying that, I had a healthy baby at 39- sometimes it’s just luck of the draw