WWYD?

[MarieeBarone]

Husband and I have 1 DC. 6 years old. I want another - have done for 2 years or so and husband says he doesn't.
My reason for wanting another is that I come from a big family and I couldn't be without my siblings in adult life and my DC asks rather frequently when I will have a baby in my tummy, when will they have a little brother/sister like so-and-so at school and asks if any new babies born into the family or friendship circle are a little brother/sister etc. etc.
My husband's reasoning for not wanting another is that I had PND after our first and our relationship took a real bashing. Not knowing why I was feeling that way and not getting help until 9 months after DC was born didn't help. I had a troublesome 2 day labour, DC was 4 weeks early, which I think freaked him out and he doesn't talk to his one and only brother (but this has only been in adulthood - he had him growing up). He also says that it would be too expensive to have another - I'm not sure how he's come to this conclusion as I do all the financing.
I do not feel done on the family front yet, I am in my very early 30's, as is DH. We live in a house big enough for a second and we would be able to afford for me to have a bit of maternity leave and have friends and family lined up to help alongside paid for childcare for me to go back to work (just under full time).
I guess my question is WWYD in this situation? Try and get over the longing of a truly yearned for baby (how??) or persuade DH to have one last bubby (how??)

How much have you discussed things?

Watching your partner struggle, in pain, and not understanding why is a traumatic experience, and is a really legitimate reason for not wanting to go there again. For finances, it’s very practical to worry.

If you aren’t openly discussing this, without hostility, it is something that I would consider arranging. Give him notice, ‘I would really like for us to discuss more children in a calm way, can we have a chat tomorrow after work?’

It’s also worth considering counselling, because he may be mildly traumatised by the birth and PND? But that would only be beneficial if you’re both open to talking.

You’re on different pages. That constitutes a crisis in your marriage, unless you can reconcile the idea of having no more children. You should seriously consider how that feels to you in order that you can represent your feelings when you talk to DH.

Spend some time really thinking about whether you would stay in the marriage if he is adamant on no more children. It is worth saying that NEITHER of you is right nor wrong, so there is no solid argument for or against. You need to hear each other and reconcile.

DW and I went through almost exactly the same thing. I'm a happy only and only wanted one, she's one of three and wanted another.
It's difficult, of course, because there's no one "correct" answer - we want what we want. One-child families are good, so are multi-child families.
Speaking to a couple of your specific points, I don't know that I'd worry too much about what DC says. Our DD is 7 and has stopped asking about a little sister. (She never asked about a brother.) But of course, she would also get upset sometimes when her parents were occupied with something else instead of her. Small children see fun examples of siblings on TV, in books etc. In my experience, when they're asking for one, they're asking for that. They're not necessarily asking for somebody who wakes up the house at all hours and monopolises all of Mummy and Daddy's time. They're asking for a fun sibling, not a real one.
Beyond that, one thing I've noticed is that it's very hard getting people with siblings to imagine being only children because, of course, you're asking them to imagine their particular lives without their particular siblings. To pretend like people they care about never existed.
Again though, having said all that, there's no right answer here. I think it's just important to know that having one is a viable choice, not a mistake or something that only happens when you can't have more.