How to accept the decision to have one DC

[RiceButt]

A bit if background. We both always wanted 2 DC. DC1 is now a year old and the first 6-8 months were tough, really tough. It broke me and very nearly broke our marriage. What is difficult to deal with is DC is such a lovely, happy baby. No issues in terms of temprement, rarely cried or was unhappy, so a content easy baby, but the adjustment to parenthood was really hard and resulted in PND and anger issues.

DH is adamant he doesn't want another baby. Ever. He is a logical thinker and wants to give DC all our love, attention, time and money and for it not to be spilt between more DC. I see his point of view, and I support his POV, however, I feel PND depression ruined the early weeks of motherhood for me and I all I want is to do it again and do things right and enjoy it. I can't even think back to those early sleep deprived weeks without getting upset and wishing I could do it all again.

Deep down I know DH is right, but I just can't deal with the emotional side of not having a second child.

The time has now come to start selling DC's clothes and moses basket etc as we just don't have the space. I was storing everything for our next baby but that isn't going to happen.

Amy tips on dealing with how to let go and sell his stuff?

I think a year is really soon to decide if your having another. I struggled with ds1 and waited 3 years to try for another I went through lots of periods of wanting then not wanting another.

Sell the things if you have no space you can always buy again and second time you won't buy so much crap.

If your only 4 months out of the bad period put more babies to the side and revisit it in a year see how you both feel then.

I'd hold on for another year. I was adamant we'd stop at one then but will be having my second (and definitely last!) next week, when DC is nearly 4.

I know I want another, and I tell him he will probably change his mind in the future. I'd happily have another right now, but it takes 2 to make a baby and I think his views trump mine, so to speak.

May be I'll put the stuff I want to keep in long term storage and sell what I don't want and revisit the subject in a year or two.

Keep all the stuff you really love or are emotionally attached to. Store pricier items like furniture. And have another year to enjoy your DC.

Op,
Very similar to you, DD is one and despite us both finding the first 9 months incredibly difficult I know I want another one and dh is adamant he doesn’t and I’m quite confident he won’t change his mind.
We really can’t have another anyway until we can access some free childcare for DD1 so when she’s 3 as really can’t afford 2xchildcare, so i really need to put it to the back of my mind until then. But when that time comes I feel it’s going to be a now or never situation due to my age.
In the meantime I’m not going to get on at him about it and Just concentrate on DD.
I hate it though, I’m a planner and like to know what’s gonna happen, what I should keep/throw away, money to save etc.

I have almost exactly the same situation except DS has just turned 2 and I turn 40 next year so time is not on our side. I went from never even wanting to consider having another baby until he was about 20 months to then feeling perhaps I wasn't "finished" and that it would be terribly unfair for DS to be an only as I'm an only too and he won't have any cousins either. DH is in the camp of not wanting to go through it again, mostly because of the impact on me and our relationship.

Right now I'm kind of resigned to the idea of not having another one and can understand the rational benefits but I still feel sad. And nowhere close to getting rid of the baby stuff!!

Hi op. I felt the same after dc1, and almost felt robbed because PND left me with no happy memories of the first year or so. We went for it, and I had PND again, the second time it was worse. Apparently if you've had it once, you are more susceptible for any further pregnancies. The only thing that changed the second time was that I noticed it much more quickly and i was on antidepressants after 3 weeks. Unbelievably (?) I went on to have a third, and this time around the gp gave me the antidepressants to start taking as soon as the baby was born. It did help but I was still aware of the depression lurking behind the citalopram! There's no right or wrong answer I don't think - just wanted to share my experience.

Same as greenrut. We were so traumatised after ds we waited 6 years to try again. My ds2 was born 4 weeks ago and I’m on my knees with pnd again.

Don't want to derail the thread op, but lndnmummy I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sure you know all the advice, having been through it once but I can attest to the fact that you will get through it. It's fucking shit but you'll come through