Pushy in laws desperate to take baby!

[user1489931797]

Hi everyone

So my DH and LB live a little too close for comfort to my in laws literally a 2min drive or 15 min walk max!

They always expect to see us every weekend even though that's our only time as a family I can't Denver in about 4/5years the last weekend we had just us at home!

Within 2 weeks of LB being born who was EBF my MIL tried to push us to go out to the cinema so that they could look after him politely turned them down bare in mind also he was very colicy baby and then became severely reflux baby and then I wasn't producing enough so now Combi feed.

Then when he was a month old they tired to push for a night at their house bare in mind they had nothing there for him so I had to e plain still at this point EBF that it wasn't doable when he would be cluster feeding on me throughout the night and needing me for comfort due to upset with colic o thought it had sunk in.

In addition they had to be taught how to change his nappy, wash and sterilise his bottles etc which is fine as a lot has changed in the 34 years they last had to do this but none of it seems to sink in.

They are only capable of looking after him for a couple of hours they do t seem to be able to soothe him or read his cues despite our help and advise and trying to yearn them I'll come home after say 2hrs and he wo t ha e had a nappy change I'll offer him a bottle and he'll drain it and even when they ha e both been there together neither will have washed some bottles whilst the other holds him/entertains him and quite simply no help at all!!!
They struggle kneeling down with him to change him and getting back up too

AND YET still pushy every time we see them so minimum once a week suggest they have him for the night I just do t think they would manage it especially the 2-3 feeds in the night /early hours he still needs at 6months old lifting and holding him 3 times a night hurts my body and lack of sleep takes its toll the FIL can't even stay awake past 9:30pm without falling asleep in his chair!

I've explained atleast 3times now to them that for as long as he's getting a snack/comfort from me in the night which he still does I feel if it wasn't there for him he'd get upset and I do t want to do that to him.

I know it's coming from a place of them wanting to help and give me rest but I know I wouldn't switch off and I just k ow the MIL would end up holding him on the sofa all night which is the routine I want to go back to when having a reflux baby was what the first 2months of his life were.

"Thank you, I'm just not ready to leave him at the moment. Maybe when he's older." And repeat.

Completely up to you when you’re ready to have a babysitter for a night! I didn’t leave my son until he was off the breast (about 9 months) and only when I was happy they could handle it completely by themselves.
Perhaps a “please, we’re not ready for that yet but we will definitely ask when we are” will help?

@littleneepo
@SandAndSea

Thanks both felt like maybe I was being over sensitive!

I've said atleast 4 times now look I do r feel LB or I am ready just yet and to leave him for a night without access to boob while he still relies on me is cruel and would upset him I will let you know when ready and they seem to make all the right noises ha k at me but the. I'll say I say alic of LB that they have posted on FB without our permission replied from them with others about how he's not had overnight stay at grandma and grandads and it's because mummy and daddy do t trust them or are t letting go just yet wtf?!

OP, I don't understand all that you've written. Are you saying that your in-laws have written on fb that you don't trust them to have him overnight? Depending how old he is - I get the impression he's still very young - anyone reading it is probably going to think they're being daft as it's obvious that babies need their mums and that it's your call whether to leave him or not.

I would start detaching from them as they don't sound very respectful or aware of your boundaries.

If you can be more specific and would like help with wording a reply, I'm sure we could help you.

Just seen he's 6 months old. It's still your call.

Just to add that, in dealing with them, focus on how you feel, think etc. Don't water down your argument with lots of lengthy explanations which can be argued. My DIL doesn't like to leave our DGC with other people at the moment and that's all we need to know. It's her call and we respect that.

He is your child and therefore it is YOUR decision.
It might be that they just want to spend time with him and help?
Could you perhaps suggest that they come and spend a day at yours and offer alternative things they could do to help out? Maybe they could cook you all dinner? Or help with the laundry? Or they could watch him in between feeds so you could have a nap but still be around?
In regards to them not being able to read his cues, I think only you are likely to be able to do that well. I can tell what my little one wants by her cries and her actions but most of the people who are around me and care for her cannot do this. I think it just comes after spending lots of time with them and practice.
With regards to the facebook post, you need to talk to them and tell them that it in inappropriate to discuss this in public and that its not about them it is about the well being of their grandchild and as he is EBF it is best he stays with you until he is at the very least weaned.

Why isnt your dh stepping in and defending you? The facebook think would rile me so much!

OP your DH tells them no.

My children are 5 and 2 and have never had a night away from me. 2 year old is still breastfeeding at night.

You don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with.

I had this problem with my PIL I just had to keep saying I wasn't ready, they made me feel extremely guilty about it, but I had to stand firm. When your little one gets a bit older and less dependant on you it changes, and you might feel like they'd handle it better. Don't be bullied into something you know isn't right for you or your little one.

OMG i can totally sympathise. My mil is a total mare! She was overbearinh

Im sorry my dd climbed up on my lap. My mil has been overbearing from the moment we announced and hasnt quit in 4 years! Id love to tell u she will get better but in my experience it womt happen. To make it worse we have had her doing child cate 2 days a wk since i went back to work. Now come Sept dd will be going to nursery on those days. Needless to say mil isnt happy but for my own sanity and the sake of my marriage i cant have her in my house alone anymore

I have started saying 'when DD is old enough to ask to stay at yours then I'll will be comfortable with it. Its her choice, not mine'

I’d be livid about the posting on Facebook, I wouldn’t be seeing someone every weekend (or at all) that was being so rude about me on social media. And your child, your choice so no you shouldn’t leave your DS overnight with anyone until you are ready. It’s ridiculous to even contemplate it whilst he’s still feeding overnight and they should not be pressuring you.

Also, where is your DH in all this? Has he said something to his parents?

I could have written this post myself except DD is a month old and MIL just moved eight doors down!! She’s constantly pushing to babysit and trying to get us to go out but DD is mix fed and I just don’t want her going anywhere until she’s older. I’ve asked DH to talk to her about it but he hasn’t yet so I get to deal with it.

When MIL has hold of her she won’t let go even if DD is crying for a feed and when we go out MIL introduces DD to her friends as “my baby” which annoys me no end. She also has two cats which crap all over the house so not keen to have DD near that.

Wish she’d just accept that it’s not on and give us breathing space. I’m all for letting her see DD but not constantly and definitely not unsupervised.

Maybe I'm a shit mum but I'd absolutely be over the moon with this.

None of my family seem to even want to see my DS.

It doesn't matter if your breastfeeding or whatever other reason you don't want your child to stay overnight anywhere. Don't offer up any explanation, just say no. Also tell them to call before dropping in, delete Facebook (for your own sanity) and tell the father of your child to stick up for you both! He has chosen to be a father and husband and that trumps everything else.