One child and I feel guilty

[MomofS]

Hi everyone,

It’s a long story but I don’t really know why I’m posting but here I go.

After a traumatic birth and forceps complications I later developed sepsis due to being catheterised for a second time that gave me an infection. My bladder was holding absolutely nothing so I was and current am still weeing myself on a daily basis. I almost died when DD was 2 weeks old due to the sepsis, the hospital refused to believe the GP letter I had saying I had sepsis and I was so that the paramedic refused to leave me in the waiting room when the A&E nurse said I’d have to wait. It was sepsis awareness month for god sake and waited 5.5 hours to be seen.

I spent a week in hospital having the strongest what the midwives called “domestos” intravenous antibiotics and with everything that went wrong they decided to refer me straight to physio for my bladder. Physio is not working so I’ve been referred to surgeons to revise the mis stitched episiotomy that has been causing so much pain and to repair me bladder with either a muscle hammock from my own body or a mesh.

This is the problem, during my consultation with the surgeon staid that if I am to have any ore children they would delay the surgery until my family is completed as the weight of a pregnancy would undo the benefits of the surgery even if I had a Caesarian to save the episiotomy revision.

After lengthy discussions with my husband who is mostly for having one child only we have decided to go ahead with the surgery. I feel so guilty for choosing my own well being over having more children and feel that I’m robbing DD of siblings and myself of the other two children I wanted. I can’t live for years walking down the road weeing myself to the point that one spare change of clothes isn’t enough.

Has anyone else successfully come to terms with being forced having one beautiful amazing child only after planning more?

Xx

Like Bauble I have a huge age gap so my eldest grew up as an only and the younger ones don’t remember not having siblings.

I really couldn’t say which is better.

DS1 has so much of our time and attention, he’s really thrives on it and my bond with him is incredibly strong.

The younger ones’ relationships with each other are wonderful to see (they gang up on me if one is in trouble ). They have really rich and complex ongoing games they’ve invented together too.

Your little one will have all your love, time and attention. That’s a wonderful gift to give a child and you don’t need to feel bad for me her sake. Siblings can be a blight as much as a blessing.

It might be harder for you to come to terms with your own longing for another child, once the surgery is complete and your feeling better.
It can take you by surprise and feel a little like a bereavement so be prepared.

Sorry for all the typos!
You know what I mean though.