Tell me about how you benefitted from only having one?

[jinglebells123]

I feel like the focus is mostly on how your only child will benefit I.e. lots of attention, more experienced/holidays/hobbies but I wonder how people have felt the benefit themselves?

I constantly swither about having a second. I’m 36 so pushing on a bit. DD is a bright, bubbly but exhausting 3 year old.

If I’m honest, my main drive for having another isn’t because I personally crave another - I don’t really like babies - they are cute but in hindsight I found the baby stage so, so dull and if I did have a second I wouldn’t get the same experience of chilling on the sofa watching friends while the baby napped or played on the play mat - I’d be juggling a toddler too. My main drive would be to achieve that vision of a perfect family I.e. 2 dds who adore each other, are best friends for life and can share the burden of their elderly parents!

I have a demanding, well paying full time job and realistically I’d need to drop some hours if I had a second so money would be tighter as well as outgoings increasing.

I also had a pretty serious hobby before I had dd - I had my own horse and spent most of my time out competing or pottering at the farm - I stupidly sold my horse during a particularly demanding period and now that dd is older (and horse mad) I totally regret it. If in have another child, I’ll not be able to start riding any time soon or buy another horse and I’ve just started getting back into it and am thinking of buying another horse in the next year or so.

Another negative is that I’d get fat again and have to re lose all the weight I fought to lose.

Finally, I sometimes worry my mental health would suffer - dd is great but sometimes I really struggle with the constant demands and mood swings that come with a 3 year old mini diva and I just about manage now without totally imploding!

So, any other mums feel that they personally have benefitted from having one child? I do sometimes feel a bit selfish that I’m not sacrificing my own needs for that of my dd (she tells me she’d love a baby sister) but surely having a sane, non stressed parent is better for her than having to share a totally frazzled one?

I had poor fertility and TTC was a stressful and depressing thing for a control freak like me.

My first pregnancy ended in MMC which was heartbreaking and something I'd like to avoid facing again.

I didn't enjoy maternity leave or the baby stage. Avoiding doing that again was one benefit to me.

We were able to spend more money on our family outings / holidays and hobbies which we all love.

Mostly though the main (and a little unexpected) benefit is that I get to spend lots of one on one quality time with my daughter who I like very much.

One thing that crops up again and again is the thought that the only may be lonely as the parents die. In a world of 10 billion plus you'd think s/he may find someone to pall about with.
Talking about the world population we're doing future generations more than one favour: reducing population, less rubbish bought for the wee ones!

I've got a 13 yr old DD from my first marriage. We split up when she was 2, just about the time when I'd thought we might have another baby. Then it was just me and DD for several years, and as a single parent it was undoubtedly easier to manage with one. I worked flexibly and we had some really good times, our small family.

I always though if I met someone lovely I'd have another. DD's babyhood was very, very tough (colic, failed at breast feeding, marriage failed, I had PND and my Mum died of cancer when DD was a baby). With hindsight, I had a fantasy than next time everything would be perfect and I'd do it all right somehow.

When I met my DH I was 40. He doesn't have children of his own. When things because serious between us, I asked him to consider if he wanted children as if he did, we'd need to crack on because of my age. After I'd asked him (and before he replied) it dawned on me that I really, truly didn't want another baby. I just didn't. My own mental health has never been the same since the PND and I try to keep things as stress free as possible. A new baby is never going to be a stress free proposition

I was hugely relieved when he said that on balance he didn't want to try for a baby! It's definitely been a benefit for me - I know my DD wanted a sibling though. I remind myself that having a moderately sane mother, rather than one ill and not parenting effectively, is also very important.

Her Dad's done the business though - he and and his DP have a very sweet little girl, whom DD adores. I feel grateful - she's so sweet - and not mine (phew).

Here is another point: I am 73 with a daughter aged 43. When she was a teenager we met many of her friends and are still friendly with some of them. It's like an extended family! Her son is 5 and the process continued. I'm making friends with other grans