To be unsure on whether I want a second child.

[PasstheStarmix]

I have 9 month old ds who I love to pieces. He has not been an easy baby and things are only just starting to get a bit easier little by little. DH wants us to eventually have another baby but I'm undecided. We're both not getting any younger and if I'm going to do it i would have to start thinking about trying after ds turns 1. I don't want to be too old as pregnancy has been hard enough on my body this time around and I also don't want too big of an age gap.

Reasons why I'm undecided:

I havent enjoyed the baby stage and I'm liking that things are getting better and will continue to get better. I feel like I'm only just starting to get some of my life back.

I don't know if I can do it all again especially with another child. The thought of a new baby and then baby/toddler ds on top of that terrifies me.

I've also been thinking how much I hated being pregnant. I feel I would have about 2 years where I'll be miserable until the second baby gets past 1.

It has cost a fortune to have one let alone 2.

I don't know if I can put up with no sleep again as ds literally has only just started sleeping most nights. I feel I was better equipped to deal with baby number 1 and the sleepless nights as I was more rested beforehand compared to now!

I would love ds to have a sibling to play with and would love to have two children as know it will get better eventually but i feel like I'd be putting my life on hold and my happiness on hold for 2 years.

I worry I'll regret it in the future if I don't have a second and dh will be disappointed.

It keeps going around and around in my head and I just cannot make my mind up. Advice please?

I hated the baby phase, I only really enjoyed being a mum when DS was about 18 months.

I felt so guilty thinking that when DS was 6months, 9 months etc as I was still new to this mummy business and thought not enjoying it made me a bad mum. So I kept it inside.

But my DS is now nearly 5 and I'm confident and loving it now and know it is perfectly OK to say "I bloody hated it!!" It was boring, relentless and not what I imagined.

I have many reasons to not have another, I don't want to go back to the part of my life I was miserable in, the world is also very over populated, we don't need more humans, and my relationship with my sister isn't close. If think one child is the perfect combination for a family, 2 parents and one child. I am lucky to have a lot of friends and colleagues that agree and have the same set up too.

In one of my posts I said I felt like I had to make my mind up by early this year if I was going to have a second. Well I have been going back and forth and this has not been easy but it's the latter that helped me make my decision; I couldn't say no therefore part of me wants another and I can't ignore that part; or it'll turn into future regrets.

Now 2018 is here I do feel like I do want a second child and just don't want the misery and monotony that comes with the baby phase. However I've realised the baby phase is relatively short in the scheme of everything and like one poster said I would just have to survive it. DS is now 10 months old and although things are ALOT better than the early days it's still certainly not without its challenges. DS's first birthday is keeping me going as I'm nearly at the end of the dreaded first year. I'd like a little time to enjoy DS as things become easier(as hate to admit I haven't enjoyed things so far) before trying for a second. We're thinking of having a little family break away in the Spring (first little holiday with ds) and me and dh haven't been on break away for far too long. I want some nice memories with the 3 of us and to enjoy things before the craziness begins again! I'm certainly putting it off for now as I need a breather and to stand back and relax for a second and think this is my family and you know what this is fine why not enjoy things before adding another mini bundle of energy. I'm not putting pressure on myself anymore.