Am I normal to feel this anxious about deciding whether to have another?

[louise987]

We have one lovely DD (just about to turn 2) and we always planned and agreed one was enough for us. I'm an only child and had a great childhood, and he never really bonded with his siblings. Although we could afford more children, with one DD we can give her all the opportunities we could have wished for and potentially look at things like private school (which I never dreamed would be possible!)

But, we have recently been pondering about number 2. I go wildly broody and certain to wanting another, keen to do it soon so they are close enough in age to play together, and adding ovulation sticks to my amazon shopping bag, to then feeling the dread that I might be pregnant (for the last month we've not been using any contraception), and utter terror that a baby could hugely disrupt our very happy family. These highs and lows are making me anxious, stressed and confused.
Is this normal? Am I a mad woman? Threads on here often go the way to have more children but I want to know if I'm normal to have this occasional terror of number 2, or if that alone should tell me to stick with one and I should ignore my broody urges (and go get a coil fitted, which has been on my to do list for a while...)
I think DH would be very slightly disappointed to stick with 1, but overall he's happy either way so that doesn't help me!

I have been feeling this way for about 3 years! I'm now pretty sure will stick with one ds who is 4.5. I think it's normal to feel anxious as it's such a big decision. Unfortunately I don't have the luxury of time to change and unchange my mind anymore as am 40 so it's crunch time!

Good luck whatever you decide!

I have an 18 mo and feel the same. Really feel like having an only has got so many advantages but I really want another baby. However, I don't want another kid, so until that changes I won't be having another.

But I am only 28 so touch wood I have time to decide.

I know this might not be a huge help, but a friend was deliberating for ages about number two. Eventually she tried and fell pregnant, I remember asking her how she'd decided and she said "I realised I might always regret NOT having another one, but I would never regret having one."

I realise that's very simplistic and many women might regret their choices, but it sounds like you enjoy family life and another will just add a different dynamic. Our second baby was a game changer, she completely rocked the boat... we were not used to a baby with her temperament and life was really tough for the first year. We absolutely adore her and can't imagine our family without her, but I think even when I was pregnant (very much wanted, very much planned) I had moments of doubt and worry. All very normal I think.

My thinking TBH is more I'd rather regret not having a baby than having one.

I would never deliberately have an only child,.

Why Betrrandrussell?

I think it's probably complicated for you because you were a happy only. And are fully aware that siblings don't always= friends.

The fact is that a baby WILL disrupt your very happy family. I found going from 1 to 2 very hard cos we were in a nice routine with #1 and the new baby changed everything. But after about a year they started playing together and cracking each other up and you really start to see the rewards.

I think if you've stopped contraception you've already made your choice. So feel the terror fear, and do it anyway.

I grew up with loads of siblings and while I don't know if I would have been happier as an only, I can certainly tell you being part of a big brood has a lot of disadvantages.

Not that two is a big brood ofc.

@Mirrorballfrog that's totally it. I don't want to regret having another in those moments of sleeplessness/exhaustion, but I wonder whether once they are here the possibility of those feelings melts away with the hormones of it all?

Thanks for the responses, just knowing I'm not along for feeling like this is a relief!

@ElspethFlashman that's it as well, preparing for the disruption. Good to know that it passes, but being an only I remember always seeing the chaos of siblings and (what seemed like constant) arguing, fighting etc, while I was quite content with close friendships/cousins but a pretty chilled out life otherwise!

@BertrandRussell why? Genuinely interested why you wouldn't deliberately have only one.

OK. I think I might make people cross with me, but here goes.

I think one child and two adults is an unequal balance in a family. Children shouldn't be outnumbered or too much the sole focus. I think that you learn so much from having at least one sibling, even if you don't get on-(I know many don't). And, less importantly, it is utterly wonderful watching your children interact with each other. It adds a who,e new dimension to family life that I wouldn't have wanted to miss if I could help it.

What if you're a one parent family?

What if you have a big age gap? EG 12 years between my brother and I?

There are big age gaps in my family of origin. And nearly 5 years between mine.

And if you're a one parent family?

I hated being an only child.
Hate it even more as an adult. .

Not sure what you mean. Obviously lots of people aren't in a position to have more than one. I'm talking about when a choice is possible and what I think is best in those circumstances. Because that's what the OP is about.

With a single parent I think it's even more important for the parental focus to be divided!

I think it's normal to be worried about how another child will change the family dynamic! I also didn't feel anywhere near ready for a second child until my first was 18 months. But I did always know i wanted 2 children (I'm one of two).

If you have stages of feeling wildly broody I suspect that you want another baby. But no harm in waiting until you are sure?