12 yr old ds called me a cunt

[paulaer]

My 12yr old son has told me to F off several times over the past week. He hasn't done this before and it was when he'd come home from school and had had a run in with one of his mates. There were consequences from me and I hoped that, possibly naively, he might think twice before choosing that word again. Tonight, during a bedtime disagreement, he called me a cunt when I had left the room. Unfortunately I reacted badly. I returned to his room, put my face right in his and told him very calmly that he was never to use that word in my earshot again. It's his birthday outing in 2 days and I immediately thought to cancel this and text his friends parents, telling them it was off. This all happened around 10pm and instead of firing off texts late at night I have decided to sleep on it. I'm shocked and I know that paying for a birthday treat with his mates is going to give off the wrong message. At the same time part of me wants to confiscate technology and wifi for 2 weeks instead of cancelling a big birthday do. I'm a single mum, no dad on the scene and need some advice

That level of disrespect I would cancel. . .
And no wifi either. .

I'd be cancelling, no way can you let that go unpunished.

12 is a hormonal age, have you ever said something mean/rude when having an argument?
The words are not nice but I would think it's what he is hearing on a regular basis around school.
Not sure cancelling a birthday party will make him not use words in anger?
How about a discussion with your ds to tell him how upset you are and what he thinks is a suitable consequence? Extra chores, no wifi, no phone or similar.
Just my view good luck

I would cancel everything and I think you have reacted very well.

I use cunt a lot, but a 12 year old calling their mother it is a whole different situation

Can you have a heart to heart when all is calm, and then decide what to do.

If its out of character I'd be inclined to try to find out whether he is dealing with something awful/ 12 year old awful and this is not an excuse but an extenuating circumstance. If so and he can unburden himself to you, you many be able to get back on the same "side" and ask him to suggest a suitable penance for swearing at you.

If he's unrepentant and cocky about it and there really don't seem to be any extenuating circumstances then a grounding without wifi and cancelling the party could be in order. I'd keep an open mind to what to do and give him a chance to explain himself first. You'll possibly kick yourself if you find out he's just started being badly bullied or been forced to watch something profoundly disturbing by a "friend" and is acting out because he can't deal with it and is afraid to tell you. But he could just be being a horror...

He would only ever do that to me once as my reaction would be apocalyptic. I can cope with lots of things but name calling I lose my shit epically.

To add, how you deal with this will set the scene for how he treats you in the future. If you do very little and sweep it under the carpet he will call you cunt on a regular basis and will probably also think it's acceptable to address his future girlfriend as a cunt. His wife as a cunt.

What did you say for that to be the reaction?

Also no Dad on the scene of course you going to get the brunt, at that age with no Dad life is bleak.

Have a word after giving him a really good birthday

Also wtf is a bed time disagreement?

With a boy going on 13?

Personally I would strip him of everything other than the Necessities in life. that is something a child should never dream of saying to their parent.
I'm 26 years old and my mum has never heard me say a curse word let alone Direct it to her.

If he gets away lightly with saying it once he will say it again.