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One-child families

Got questions about only having one child? Find the answers here.

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Original poster

Am I overthinking it?

11 replies

SnowWhite26 · 12/04/2017 22:26

So we are thinking of having a second child but I am driving myself mad thinking about things. Lo is 18 months we live in a an average size 2 bed flat and 2 children would eventually have to have bunk beds as finacially we couldnt afford bigger in the near future. I worry about when we should try to concieve and how long it may take as first one was quite quick, i worry if financial lly we would be ok as things can be tight now. Both sets of parents are incredibly supportive and love my lo so much. My husband thinks I am over thinking but i cant help but think about life style choice. I also dont want to get 10 years down the line a regret not having 2 coz of financial reasons. If would like to try asap as want a fairly close age gap if possible. Doesnt anyone have any advice to help my overthinking?thanks xx

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lilydaisyrose · 12/04/2017 22:40

Not a popular opinion on here but I now have 3 children in a 2 bedroomed house and we have limited space (& one bathroom!) but lots and lots of love. Things will have to change soon as DD will be 10 this year and her brother will turn 8 & they can't share for much longer (3rd is a baby) - but my eldest two are very very close.

ColdCottage · 12/04/2017 22:47

Enjoy your little one. 18 months is still tiny, try not to think about a second one just yet. Give it some time and see what feels right. When you current DC is two or three see how you feel. There is no rush to pack them in and I personally from seeing family and friends think a gap of over two years, ideally 3 is best all round. The first one is that it older, can understand more, can help out and if you are lucky is out of nappies.

You still have a small child, a baby really so give yourself a break and put it on the back burner for a bit. Unless you are really at a stage where you are worried about your fertility it won't do any harm and it's a big decision and not one to rush. Plus children start to get extra fun from 2 onwards, starting to chat and become real little pals!

DaffodilTime · 12/04/2017 22:58

I think it depends so much on your character and family dynamic. If you are bringing your child up in a way where time together is what matters then I really think lack of space or money won't affect you much , but if material things bring you a lot of meaning then perhaps enjoy the family you have - it is so individual.
We wavered too and had such a special time with DC1 and we're unsure if could have more. We now are like lilydaisyrose as have more but can so happily live in a tiny space (and have done so) and are close and would never mind not affording 'things' as our housing is secure but we spend our time on 'free' things like being outdoors. Our DC love to play with really anything at all, very unspoilt and never bored and have a 4.5 year age gap.
I don't think there's a right or wrong as it will be hopefully as lovely having one as more, though I do feel so moved seeing how ours hug each other to sleep sometimes

Original poster

SnowWhite26 · 13/04/2017 06:50

Thankyou so much for your replies. I think I forget her young she is as she is starting to be more of a small child than baby. I am 30 so fertility wise I am ok I think although I was lucky how quickly it happened first time but know it could take longer next time. We are not particularly materialist and I seem to spend alot if time budgeting. I am an only child (well i have a half sister but we are 11years apart and never lived together) and my husband has a 5 year gap between him and his brother. I think maybe leaving it till shes 2 or 3 would still be a good age gap but worry it might take ages to get pregnant. My lo is so socialble and loves other people and children I ultimately think it would be lovely for her to have a sibling. X

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Original poster

SnowWhite26 · 13/04/2017 06:54

So we spend loads of time me outside. We dont have a garden but my lo loves getting her shoes and going outside. My mum has a lovely garden that we can use when ever. I really am not keen on amusement places and busy attractions as in my childhood we were oustide loads and went to cornwall in the rain for holidays hehe.

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ColdCottage · 13/04/2017 18:22

I joined toddler groups once my son could walk and he has loads of little friends there so no missing out on a sibling. He is nearly 3 and we have so much fun. Plan a second for when he is around 4.

Original poster

SnowWhite26 · 13/04/2017 22:25

Thanks coldcottage. Are you def wantong another then? I no what you mean about joining things. We do a few groups and have a few friends her age up to 2.5.Really cute to see them grow up together. X

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ColdCottage · 14/04/2017 10:29

Yes, I would have had one when DS was 3 if my health was better but going to wait another year (well less than a year to start trying). He is SO much fun right now and I love that I don't have to share him just yet.

I did think about sticking with one and can see the benefits but I am now a bit broody plus the main reason is I have a parent who is unwell and the thought of coping with this without my siblings would be so incredibly hard, especially at a time when I have a young family myself. I wouldn't want DS to have that alone.

Original poster

SnowWhite26 · 15/04/2017 22:33

Yeah it is hard to know when the right time is . Different for everyone I guess. I would hate to come to 10 years time and wish we had had another one and I just over thought every last thing x

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hopsalong · 19/04/2017 07:51

I had the same panic when DS was 18 months. I wonder if there's a hormonal element, or if it's a nostalgic response to them changing in front of you from a baby to a toddler? But I also had a good reason to hurry up because I'm a lot older than you (was 37).

Luckily I got pregnant easily and am now 38 weeks with DC2. TBH, it has felt like too small an age gap for me. I cried yesterday at DS's nursery when the owner commented (very sweetly) on how little he still was (2 and 2 months) and now I should expect some regression/ clinginess. With all the other factors you describe, I'd honestly recommend waiting a little bit and letting DC1 be the apple of your eye for at least a few months more. Why don't you revisit the question when she turns two? There's plenty of time!

Original poster

SnowWhite26 · 19/04/2017 22:16

Thanks hopsalong.
I think maybe your right as she really is starting to understand things and is really not a baby anymore in alot of ways. I really want anothee but maybe more towards whens shes 2 we can re visit it. I am worried mostly about space as my lo hasca small room and sleeps well. Having another baby is such a big change on a life that 18 months ago was massive. So many changes if you get what i mean xx

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