What's it like having "just the one" when they get older?

[Needmorewine]

We are very happy with our DD (3.5) at the moment and feel no urge for another. I think we could give her a lovely life, still have time for ourselves and careers if we just stick with having one. I have gone back to work after 3 years and feel like a new person. The thought of going back to the baby stage fills me with dread. DD is gorgeous and bright but still not a brilliant sleeper but we can cope now as she's so much easier in the day and at full time nursery.

The only thing that worries me is are there any parents of onlies out there who regret their decision once their children have grown up ? I don't want to be a little old lady thinking "if only..." But right now there is nothing really pulling me towards having another child other than "as a sibling" which I don't feel is right.

I'm an only. Both of my parents are ill. It feels like a lot of pressure on my shoulders with no one to share it with or even just to talk to about it.

I'm an only child and, while I loved being one as a child (and had a very happy childhood), it made me feel much more awkward as an adolescent (was basically just used to hanging around with adults all the time and found it very difficult to let go/ have fun) and it has been sometimes painful as an adult (e.g. during my father's long illness and fairly premature death). I feel very responsible now for my DM, and have made a number of life choices against my own interests (and those of my DH) to be able to provide help and support to my parents.

So despite the fact that I am terrible at being pregnant and didn't feel desperate for DC2, I talked myself into it (he should arrive in next two weeks). I just couldn't bear the thought of DS feeling that his life was limited or constrained in the ways I've found mine to be.

Having said that, if both my parents were alive and well and happy, I might feel very differently. I certainly don't think there's anything "wrong" with being an only child, although I do wonder sometimes why my parents didn't want to have another one (had me in their 20s, no fertility problems at all, no money worries). Their answer was always that I was a very difficult child, which I have heard from other only children too. I think this is an obviously unkind thing to say to a child, because it "blames" them for not deserving/ getting the sibling they might want, and in most cases is probably untrue (different if you have a DC1 with genuine behavioural difficulties or disability of course).

Apologies for commenting on an old thread, but I was looking for threads on only children after my MIL expressed shock that my OH and I only want one child. Which surprised me as I don't know why a single child home is such a big deal still. So here's my 2 pence for what it's worth.

I was an only child growing up, and I loved it. Unless you live somewhere very remote and are home schooled, I can't understand why any child would be lonely. I was surrounded by friends in school, classes, neighbours etc and loved coming home to the only quiet sanctuary I never had to share. Life is so competitive for kids nowadays, I think it's great if home is the one place they aren't having to squabble with a sibling or live in stress. My parents had decided one was enough, as my mother couldn't imagine loving another child as much as she loved me :) and they could give me a much better life while still having something for themselves. I would have hated to see my parents forego small luxuries or never take a holiday, or look harassed and run down and not have time with one another. This way my mum could have a career and her being happy and fulfilled made her an inspiration to me, and has made their marriage stronger now that I've left home.

I think happy children are the product of their parenting. If a child is encouraged to be creative and parents spend quality time with him/her, they'll be fine. There are as many horror stories of siblings who hate each other, inheritance feuds, arguments over who looks after ailing parents, jealousy, resentment that one is loved more than the other etc. And not every self involved, spoilt human being is an only. Your kid/kids will be fine, only or not. Best to do what you think is right, and not what society says it should be. x

DD is 11, has ASD/ADHD, is extremely sporty and clever but also lazy as they come at times, hard work (due to the ASD), lovely, funny, can be helpful. DH and I both work FT, DH travels a LOT for work (and I have some) so we have to juggle. But we are getting to a stage where not only can DD get out and do the groups she wants (hockey, soccer, Cubs, and lots of sailing) but we have bought her a boat (she really loves sailing) and are also able to start getting a social life back ourselves (very slowly).

There are lots of cousins on both sides to play with when visiting family, which DD loves. She has a BFF on the street who treat each other like sisters (there is a big sister there too - so very similar - they both know they can go on and off each other at times, know each other really well so understand the other's flare-ups etc, but have great fun together and spend a lot of time together in the time that they are both home and awake).

I know DD used to ask when she was smaller for another baby, but not for the past few years. She knows she couldn't do everything she does if there were more in the house (double whammy of money having to stretch farther with more expenses and I would have to seriously consider staying home so less money available too).

And she does look at her eldest cousin on 1 side, who cannot have anything precious as his DSis's break or want everything. And if 1 gets something, they all have to get the same - so drastically reduces what they get.

xanadu thank you so much for taking the time to write a positive message. As the mother of an only child I often feel guilt and 'catastrophise' (is that even a word?) his future as so many posts on MN talk about providing their first child with a sibling so they 'will have each other when parents pass away.' I'm one of three siblings and I'm not close to any of them. My DH, DS and friends will provide my support when the time comes.
All of your post rang so true for me I could have written it myself and it made so much sense.

My 'only' is 16 and I've never really regretted it, but like everything in life it has its joys and its sorrows. She has step-siblings now and she's good at making and keeping close friends so she's an only but not 'alone' - I'm an only and I've often felt (especially since parents died) that there's a guaranteed support system missing that others have. I worry a lot about dying young(ish!) and leaving her to cope with that (Dad is around, but not super-involved) - that's my sadness, but it's too late to do anything about it now!

My 8yo is an only. I had planned to have 2 but life doesn't always work out.
I'm a single parent and can't see me having more even if I met someone in time fertility wise, the thought of going back to sleepless nights and bags and buggies isn't something I could see myself doing, I prefer to look forward to my child being abit more independent and all the things we can do us two that wouldn't be financially/logistically possible with a younger one too.
I also love working and going back to paying extortionate fees for child care isn't something I would want to do again. I like that I can keep my own life and interests going which would be harder with more.
I do worry about him being alone when his dad and I have gone, but there are no guarantees that siblings will be supportive or present.
I'm one of 5, I love all of my siblings but only really have a good relationship with 2 of them. I can't imagine my life without them, actually can't remember being without them even though I'm the eldest my brother was born quite close in age to me. We share some lovely memories and a unique bond, we were lucky to have each other through some tough times, but my god they are a burden at times.
If life had turned out perfectly I would have 2, as it is I only have one and in all honesty our life is pretty perfect.

Sorry to resurrect old thread .. just wondered if anyone changed their mind on this?

Needmorewine did you go on to have another?