Help me make sense - stay1 or go for it

[Bolognaise]

Back story - mental health problems struck hard in pregnancy. DS is now 4 and I "could" have another but have extreme anxiety about pregnancy and everything that can go wrong.

All I ever wanted was to be a mum and have my own family after having a mixed up childhood.

We live in a beautiful area with a great school...

I "could" move back to where I grew up and potentially help a friend whose struggling raise her daughter thus providing my child with a "sibling" I would be an "aunty/childminder" type role

However I think she has PND, I don't want to make it worse by stepping in as much as she likes the idea, and she may at some point decide to have more children and have a family of her own. This set up may not last forever and I'm then hinging everything on it possibly?

Adoption and fostering do not seem like viable options for now and I haven't come to terms yet with not having another biological child for sure even if they were.

Just seeking some advice really as I am for once utterly clueless

Any advice?

What's wrong with having just one child? Why do you feel the need to move away from a beautiful area with a great school to provide a sibling bond which may or may not turn out ok? Your child will make her own friends and her own way in life and I'm sure your don't need to worry about anything. An only child now isn't like it was a generation ago. As long as you provide het with lots of opportunities to socialise with other children I'm sure she'll be fine. You've got to look after yourself too. I'm one of three and haven't spoken to my sister in years and see my brother only sporadically so it's never a guarantee siblings will be close anyway.

There's nothing "wrong" with it except for I didn't want that and haven't made peace with it. I had an ideal that included many children and it shrank due to infertility firstly and then the problems I experienced in pregnancy. I suppose I simply haven't accepted it yet