Feeling sad about only having one but also relieved

[NotAnotherMonday]

Hi, first time posting on the board. I'm fairly young, 23. My Dp is 21 nearly 22. 3.5 months ago I had my beautiful DD. She's amazing; happy, smiley, contented but also hardwork and tiring.

While I was pregnant I was unsure whether I'd want more children, until I got to 35 weeks and was admitted to hospital - my heart couldn't cope and I was diagnosed with bad supraventricular tachycardia (SVT). I was still forced to carry til 41 weeks and 3 days where I subsequently lost 3 pints of blood during a forceps delivery and had to have a blood transfusion. I've been told the chances of that happening again is about 75%, but my cardiologist has said my body is unlikely to cope with being pregnant again and wouldn't have recommended I get pregnant in the first place had she known about my condition.

So although I'd love to have more children, looks like I can't . I'm upset in one respect because I have a close relationship with my brother and would love that for my daughter (I know there's no guarentees anyway) but also relieved; I neither liked or disliked being pregnant but the thought of going through a terrible labour again fills me with dread.

DD also had Developmental Dysplasia of the Hip (DDH) and has spent the last 12 weeks in a pavlik harness to correct the problem. It's now fixed but it's been tough going - weekly hospital visits for physio, being unable to bath her at home (the hospital did this alongside her physio), she never got to wear some of the very nice 0-3m clothing people bought us as she's been stuck with babygros and dresses only - trousers and tshirts where too difficult to get on and off over it. I've been told due to being short (just 5ft 2 more like 5ft 1.9) that any future children are likely to suffer with the condition, I can't go through this again.

I don't really know what I'm getting from this post, maybe I'm just trying to justify the reasons why in my head, it's better for us all right?

Tell me it gets easier to cope with only having one? I'd hate to always feel guilt and resentment towards my body because of it.

Sounds like you've been through plenty, without beating yourself up about what happens next. I know a few families who have one child by choice and a few who definitely wouldn't have made the choice, but have one child because of circumstance.

You might grieve sibling relationships and the child you might have had, but only children are much easier when it comes to holidays, never having that feeling of being torn in two trying to meet the needs of two very different people, etc. I have quite often had to post on the type of threads where people talk about only children being selfish, about my BF, who is the most lovely generous person you could meet (and an only). The parenting makes way more difference than number of siblings IMO.

If you find it very hard to live with, it might be worth getting a second opinion. I don't know enough about SVT to talk about the pregnancy, but lots of people have planned CS for various medical reasons, so concerns about a second birth shouldn't be the deciding factor.