Stereotyping vs Reality

[Bishopston]

As a child I was sometimes unfairly bullied by children and adults (who should've known better) about my only child status. Not that this happens to all only children, it's just that I was brought up in a unique type of close knit community which I think made attitudes worse. Anyway as an adult I can name about 6 or so people who are really struggling to adjust with feelings of loneliness, etc awareness of their poor social skills and not surprisingly they're also not doing well professionally. ALL of these people have siblings! The vast majority of only children I know are doing quite well - they may not be exactly Managing directors of huge multinationals or anything like that - but doing well both professionally and in relationships. So despite the negativity I received in childhood about being an 'only' my adult experience of people has proved very different!

No surprise to me, really.

The horrible things people say, to adults as well as children, invariably tell you so much more about them and nothing at all about the subject on which they are commenting. Sigh.

Glad to know it all turned out well for you, though.

Thanks FinallyHere - the only thing I would've wished for is a good role model who was an only child when I was growing up. She actually came along when I was 37!

There were 3 only children in my class growing up-ones a gp, one's a magistrate and one's a musician in the bbc philharmonic orchestra. Most importantly,they're all happy,well rounded individuals. One has gone on to have a large family of her own so I think she must have missed siblings growing up but the others are good friends of mine and neither felt particularly hard done by,had plenty of playmates etc

The stereotype that irritates me most is that having one child means you're always in PFB mode.
Out of all my friends with children I'm the most laid back about parenting.
I'm know some of them were horrified that I never used a stairgate (imo better to teach tots how to safely use stairs on their bottom) or that I haven't put a vest on my 5 year old since June because I don't think it's that cold.
The PFB-ness here didn't last longer than the average person with a newborn for the first time.

I probably wasn't aware of my friends' sibling or non sibling status as a child so I would be surprised and sad if any of my DS's friends commented on his only child status to be honest. I hope I will raise a child confident and resilient enough to deal with any comments if he ever gets any from his friends.
I am ashamed to say though as an adult I had negative stereotypical ideas of adult onlies, way before we were even trying for a family. I have no idea where these ideas came from as I had no role models on which to base my ideas.
I find these ideas almost funny now as my DS is so far removed from the stereotype. He is confident, outgoing, happy and not in the least shy. I try and challenge these stereotypes whenever I get a comment but I'm comfortable in the knowledge my DS is absolutely fine.

A lot of the ability to make friends comes from nature not nurture if you ask me.

Some children are just more naturally friendly than others it is their disposition.

Life experience and upbringing will no doubt affect everyone but as we leave home and go out into wider society and make our mark in the world we invariably develop the necessary social skills to function and flourish - it is a question of survival.

Most of the only children I have met as adults have been more successful than the average person. There is the occasional really dysfunctional one but I put that down to their inherent genetic make up and not their upbringing as such.

I believe we can surmount upbringing issues by strength of character it isn't everything.

I am an only child and was brimming with friends as a teenager. It was only as I got older through various life stresses and major life events that I slowly became more introverted. This is because for reasons I won't bore anyone on this thread about I had to start working from home. I have now become more of a hermit. Once my son is a bit older things will improve and I will go back to becoming 'borderline extrovert' again.

It is also down to how we score on the Myers Briggs questionnaire and whether we score high in extroversion or introversion. Any psychologist worth their salt will tell you this.

It is also my firm belief that many of us slowly become more self-contained and less sociable as we get older anyway - in adulthood I mean. I have spoken with many others on the matter and a lot of them find this too and it isn't anything to do with being an only child as we grow up!

I feel that my daughter has been unfairly treated as an only child. Sadly it started with her friends' parents rather than her actual friends. They would tell their children that my daughter was spoiled and too used to getting her own way as she was an only. In actual fact, outside of school, my daughter spends the majority of time with her cousins and is very used to not getting her own way. In the meantime their children were turning up at school with Ralph Lauren cardigans and skirts, throwing tantrums when things didn't go their way and kicking up a stink that they didn't get enough for their birthday. Unfortunately the children started repeating what their parents said at school last year and we had a year of hell as a result. The teachers even agreed that out of all the girls involved my daughter was the least demanding and spoiled. Only children get such bad press.

This is worth a read

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Only_child

I am an only child. I am not at all spoiled. My dad was physically disabled and I had to help take care of him when my mum was away in my teens visiting her mother who was over in Belgium. I also had to learn to be considerate all of my upbringing as my dad was frail.

In addition my parents died early in my life leaving me alone and all my cousins are much much older and live in distant places. We are not at all close! My dad died when I was 30 (although I was never close to him) and my mum died when I was 40 and pregnant.

My son is also an only child. It is circumstantial. The stork did not bring a child into this world for me until the age of 40. I had to throw his dad out when he got violent at my ds's tender age of 5 months. Although he has still kept seeing his dad all these 10 years he does not spoil him whatsoever as he had 10 children by 6 different women and is a rather strange one shall we say!

Luckily nobody accuses ds of being spoilt as I have always dropped him off endless childcare places to mix and integrate since I know how important it is to socialise and to give and take as an only child.

If you ask me only child are NOT spoilt in the sense that they are generally quite emotionally deprived at home for not having peers to mix with. Also in these times we are in there is no real community in society life can be very isolating. Where I live most families are couples and we are out on a limb. Ds does have lots of friends but he is not materially spoilt as I am not in a position to as I believe in living within my means not living on credit like many families do!