Will she be lonely?

[mommabear12]

I'm worried about Dd age 3. We have sort of decided she will be an only as neither of us feel up to going through it all again. However I don't know how to stop her being lonely especially in school holidays etc. We take her out as much as possible but we seem to be surrounded by families with siblings playing together. I worry ds is a bit sad on her own and I should provide a sibling.

I was a lonely child, from a big family. Makes no odds really. You can't guarantee that siblings will get on.

The only reason anyone should have a child is because they want a child - not out of some misguided notion that you're doing you're doing your existing child a favour by providing a sibling. Having another child you don't want could result, not in a brother or sister your DD loves and is close to, but a sibling with whom she fights endlessly in childhood, and has a tense, distant relationship as an adult. Or you could have a child with an illness or serious disability that means you have considerably less time and attention for your daughter.

Don't have another child unless you want one.

I agree with Maud

Our DS is the same age as your DD mommabear12 we won't be having another.

He plays a bit after school with classmates (there's a park on our way home).
We try and meet same-aged cousin once or twice a week, at least, after school.
As he gets older we'll have other kids round to play trying to avoid the word playdate lol
He can join whatever clubs he wants.
He plays well with other children in the park and on tge beach, even if they'e strangers.

But he'll also get our undivided attention and time to himself - to relax, to reflect, to be quiet etc.

There is no perfect number of children. There are, however, people who throw their opinions around willy-nilly, unfortunately, so you may find you get unsolicited and rude comments

Maybe - depends on her personality. DS was very lonely as an only for five years; I know children in bigger families who would probably prefer to be an only child

We have an only, she is 5. It's not through choice, we have ttc for 3 years but no joy.

DD is very outgoing and sociable and I put this down to having to make friends everywhere. This Easter, we've had school friends over twice and she has been to a holiday club for 2 days, which she loved.
I suppose you can't miss what you've never known though.

I have an almost 4 year old DD and I think about this myself because I'm almost sure I want her to be an only child.

I'm an only child and have had no problem making friends throughout my life but I'm also content with my own company at times too.

I try to get DD out as much as possible, I've met similar mother's in my area and we meet up, enrolled her in dancing, bring her swimming, any little camps etc. Honestly sometimes at home I think she probably is bored but then I go to a friends out and either the children are killing each other or they're zonked out watching telly or moping around bored too.

I think as parents of only children we can be really hard on ourselves but remind yourself of the benefits, much more one on one time, chances are you'll be great friends when she grows up, financially able to give her many more opportunities, trips away etc.

Thanks for your comments. Yes it's hard to be positive about having one child when everyone around me is so negative about it but I do feel there are some positives. I can focus on her needs and enjoy time with her which I wouldn't be able to do if I had a baby to look after as well.

I worry about DS being lonely sometimes too, but I think I make more effort to arrange for him to see friends and cousins than I might if I had other children to think about. I also notice that some of my friends' children spend more time competing for their parents' attention than playing together and at least he doesn't have that worry!

I've just had my first child and we already know we are done. I love him with all my heart but it took us 5 years and much heartache to conceive; we can't imagine doing it all again and are just thankful for what we have.
As for your child feeling lonely, I was an only child until I was 6. I never struggled with loneliness and every holiday or day out always made a friend to play with. When my parents gave me a sibling I hated him! ( I love him now...honest!)
If you feel your life is missing another child then you should try for another baby but don't have another because your worried about your child being lonely. Kids don't miss what they've never had.