Sad that we can't afford 2nd DC

[Asknotaboutthebell]

I have a 2YO DS who I adore. Initially we felt like he completed our family and didn't want any more DC. However, I have started yearning for another DC. Although we are on a tight budget my DH was in line for promotion this year and that would have made another DC possible. However we have just found out that his promotion has been blocked. This means no more DC.

I am 36 and am worried about the health issues of delaying trying for a year or 2 (although I know 37/38 isn't too old to try). I also don't want there to be a massive gap between DCs. DH says we can't have 2 children in a 2 bedroom flat, and that it wouldn't be fair on DS. I know he's right, but I'm so unhappy. If DH was willing I would throw logic to the wind and try anyway.

Ridiculous as it sounds, I feel like I'm almost mourning the child I hoped I'd have. I know that I have so much to be grateful for with my DS, but can't seem to shake myself out of it. I don't even really know what Im hoping to gain by this post. I just cant confide in any RL friends (best friend has fertility issues and would understandably not be sympathetic if I told her how I feel) and wanted to talk to someone/get some thoughts.

My situation is similar...not. a question of afffordabilitybut more that dh does not want any more. We have a dd who is nearly 5.
I've spent the last 7 months grieving for what I won't have, I relalky wanted a second but having to get past that. In my experience I've found focusing on dd helps as well as thinking about how she can have the best of everything (within reason without spoiling etc) as well as our undivided attention. She won't lose out. Think about how incredibly lucky you are to have one already we've been fortunate to be blessed with that.

Also talk to your dh proper'll y if you haven't already, mine didn't realise or appreciate the strength of my feelings till I had a full on meltdown on him!

Of course you can have 2 kids in a 2 bed flat! What are your DH's financial concerns? Cost of childcare? If you own rather than rent, could you take a mortgage break or go interest only for a few years to reduce outgoings?

I'm in the same situation, we have one DD. After a bad birth experience and a high needs baby, I said never again, but slowly after several years came round to having another and now hubby doesn't want another despite telling me he did a few years ago. My age really is against me but nothing I do or say convinces hubby :-( I totally understand the grieving for what will never be too.

We're in a similar situation too. We have one ds who is 3 and we woukd both love another in an ideal world. I'm 36 and have high blood pressure (non pregnancy related) and by the time we could afford another plus the childcare costs I would be nearer 40. There would be a big age gap plus after losing the first pregnancy before ds it took many years to be able to have ds. It may not take long 2nd time around but who knows.

We also live in a small 2 bed and we're struggling for space at the moment. Ds's room is a single room so moving/extending would need to happen which would add to the financial constraints.

We've not yet decided and haven't spoken to anyone in rl as I feel people would have a just go for it attitude...that's fine when you're not the one worrying about money or juggling space issues.

I worry ds will feel he missed out on a sibling and I feel I missed out on a lot of the nicer baby stage with ds due to him being so sick and extended.family sucking the joy out of it for us with their constant bitching and interferring...that's not the only reason we would like another but it adds to it. I also see how dh and dsil hate one another and think maybe ds would be happy as an only one...siblings aren't always your friend!

Just see if you can get pregnant, what will be will be

I think "being able to afford" is an interesting tbh. Why do dc need their own bedrooms? That is fairly recent cultural norm. in the UK. My Mum shared a BED (not a double) with her sister until she got married and left home so that was only 50 years ago!!

Not being able to comfortably feed your dc is very different to having a small home and so on.

I think you need to dig deeper beyond what the financial resistance is about. There are pros and cons to singletons as well as large families.