Advice for a guy living with a woman with two children

7 replies

creativeinmanchester · 12/01/2015 13:58

I moved in with a woman two months ago who has two children aged 6 and 7. We seem to be arguing a lot recently with regards her expectations on what my financial responsibility is and I just need some advice on whether I am in the wrong or right.

To give some background, I have a son aged 15 (16 in May) who lives a long distance away so I don't see him often. I earn a significant amount more than my new partner - she had a messy Divorce from a wealthy husband. I get the feeling she is used to a man paying for a lot of things like holidays.

Our latest disagreement came in discussions on a holiday in that I offered to pay for me and her, but I feel she should pay for her own Children. I have no problem paying for meals out for the four of us etc and buying shopping - But I feel that a two grand expense for her Children on a holiday is not fair. And in fact such money should be spent on my own Son as I save up for his Uni fees in a few years.

Does anyone have any similar experiences. Am I being unfair?

OP posts:

Quitelikely · 12/01/2015 14:02

I see your point but they do come as a package. Can she afford to pay for her sons to come away?

I'm thinking if you moved in with her then she gave up her entitlements to any benefits etc that she was using to care for her sons?

This is quite awkward. Not sure if this relationship will work out for you.

Hurr1cane · 12/01/2015 14:21

Nah. DP pays for my DS sometimes, I pay for his DS sometimes

Babashka · 12/01/2015 14:48

I feel they come as a package but can also see where you are coming from. Can the ex husband not contribute towards his childrens holiday?

PoppySausage · 15/02/2015 08:22

Can you just do something cheaper

squareheadcut · 29/03/2015 10:51

I don't think you should say I'm not paying for your kids. That's not the right attitude. If this is gonna work for you you will have to start contributing to them too. Soften the language. Say you want to go on holiday together but only have this much money and see what you can both afford. Should be something you all do together. Hope it works out for you.

expatinscotland · 29/03/2015 10:55

I do not think you are being unfair, but I think you made a mistake moving in with her. There is a similar thread on here from a woman who has significantly more assets and money than her BF, who has two kids and wants all three children, her son and his two daughters, to be 'equal'. The overwhelming advice to her was for her not to move in with him.

But when it's a male OP, he gets told his partner and both her children are a package.

Interesting.

TheVeryHungryScreamerpillar · 14/04/2015 13:11

I think when you are in a serious relationship with someone with children they are part of the package. The way you phrased it was pretty harsh and more than likely made her feel like you want her but not the kids. When it comes to discussions about children from a previous relationship you need to be tactful.
Instead of saying I'll pay for us and you pay for your kids, you should be saying " I can afford to contribute X, what can you afford to chip in ?" then plan where to go from there based on what you can both afford.
If that means you pay some of the cost for her kids to go on holiday then you need to suck it up. If your going to be living with them for the next 14-16 years (minimum) you need to be prepared to take them on and treat them like you would your own. Otherwise you need to find a new relationship.

Flip