How did you get over it??

[MrsP26]

Evening ladies,
Im new to this so please go easy on me!
I need some advice and don't know who to turn to
My son is now 17 months old and I have always thought of myself as a '2child-mummy'. but my husband is adamant we are not having another child.
I had a really bad time having our little boy and almost died, and he used this as an excuse for a long time, even though it didn't deter me and I spoke to many doctors/midwives who assured me precautions would be taken to prevent a repeat should I ever have another baby.
After explaining this he started to use finances as an excuse, I returned to work part time after my maternity leave and took a pay cut, I've since s
gone back full time , better job, salary, working hours, less stress and travelling, but he's still making excuses.
I have come to the conclusion that we are never going to have another baby, and was wondering if anyone has any ideas on how I can make myself come to terms with this?
I feel like I've lost something, which is stupid because I never had it in the first place.
Its got to the point where I have realised that all of the tiny baby grows and clothes, Moses basket and tiny baby car seat are all going to have to go because I've held on to them 'just in case', and now I know that's an impossibility, but when I try to sell them/give them away/throw them out I have a mini breakdown.
I spoke to my friend (who has no children and doesn't want any) and explained how selfish I thought my husband is, which the turned around and said I was also selfish for not respecting his wishes, which i suppose is also true!
I debt know how to deal with this! any help would be greatly appreciated! (apologies for any typos, this was sent from my phone!)

No advice as I feel the same (although slightly different situation), but just wanted to say I absolutely know the sadness when you try to get rid of the baby things. Plus when other mums have their 2nd and 3rd children...

My mum keeps saying I should be happy that we're both alive and healthy after the ordeal I had to go through, but that doesn't help with the sadness as I would gladly go through the same awful experiences to give my DC a sibling.

I'd say that 17 months is quite early to make a "forever decision". We gave ourselves timescales when we would rethink our decision so it didn't weigh on us in the meantime.

I am in the same position. My daughter is 4 and ever since she turned 1 I've been asking when can we have another baby, as I too imagined myself as a mother of 2. It was always when you get a promotion, when we move house, when you've done your run (I've done a few half marathons), when she starts school etc etc...always an excuse. I've kept hold of all of the baby stuff, not wanting to part with it as we'll need it again and constantly thinking about when we could have another.

Then about 4 weeks ago my husband and I had a massive row about our different feelings about expanding our family. After a couple of days we sat down and discussed it properly, for 3.5 hrs! This I suggest you do as it really helped us. I had no idea why husband felt so strongly about only having one and he hadn't wanted to realise how much I didn't want just one.

I can't say we've got past this yet, we both still want different things but I'm trying to work out if I won't always resent him, as I know he won't change. I personally feel bullied into not having another but I do love my family and the life we have.

The only things keeping me going are spending so much time with my daughter (hard as I work full time!) and knowing I couldn't give her that attention with another, and also thinking about talking a big holiday every year as couldn't afford that will 2 x full time childcare.

It's hard, really hard and it's stressing me out a lot. I hate seeing friends or anyone really, pregnant with no 2. First time pregnancies are fine. I am finding myself avoiding friends with two as it's all they talk about. I have put some things on eBay this week and will be spending that money on me. I think it'll help if I'm not falling over baby stuff everyday. And if things do change, we can get it again.

Not much advice there other than talk to your husband but do know that you're not alone!

The answer to your Op question is that I didn't..yet! It's a work in progress that I struggle daily with :) haven't got much time to post now but will be back tomorrow xx

After a hard time having baby no. 1, my dh didn't want another.

I resent him and I understand how you feel.