Feeling bad for having a big age gap

[saba674]

Sorry if this is in the wrong area, it seemed the closest to the problem.
I have a daughter turning 6 on September the 8th and I've just had a second child on 19th August... since his birth I can't help feel sorry for the two and keep feeling bad about the age gap. I can't help feel scared that they won't get along or won't like each other even though my daughter is excited about having a baby brother. In the first couple of days she did go through some insecurity and although she did try hiding it on several occasions we talked through things and she seems abit better now, however slowly my fears are growing on whether they will get along? what can I do to make them closer? how are family days out going to work? shes always been a bit mature for her age because she grew up around a bunch of adults... would this affect her relationship with her brother?

Any personal experience or advice will be much appreciated

There are 5 years between me and my older brother.

I'm 4 years older than our sister (so brother is 9 years older than our sister!)

We were always all very close as children and still are as adults so definitely didn't affect our relationship.

My mum is 10 years younger than her sister and they are also very close and always have been.

It's great that your dd is excited about her brother - I'm sure once he starts playing more and interacting she'll enjoy amusing him.

Congratulations on your new baby!

Thank you pumpkinpie2013, your reply has eased my mind somewhat, might just be baby blues tbh but i kinda worked myself up and sentenced myself to ruining there childhood

This might be the wrong ttime to reply as my 2 have sqabbled all summer - 4.5 year age gap older dd younger ds. Sometimes it is really hard managing the big age gap, usually we have to do something that is appropriate for ds and dd gets a bit fed up. Ds is also at the demolition stage so dd quite frustrated at the moment.

However, that said they have there lovely moments too. Dd reads to ds at night they both climb into her bed have cuddles and stories, dd teaches ds sports, dances, songs etc.. and ds provides a willing victim for dds bossyness!

Accidentally posted to quickly, I didn't want to lie and say it doesn't have its challenges but then I am sure all siblings do.

My dhs best friend is his brother. They are incredibly close- there's 7 years between them.

Dh says that he loved his brother as a baby, his mother used to ask him to help with the baby, or his advice in which toys to buy, what would dh and brother like for dinner? and as they got older he took babysitting responsibilities which just meant taking his brother out to play- getting to play as a teenager when he was too cool to play unless his little brother was with him. He took his brother exploring on the beach, and taught him to catch crabs. Made dens for him, went cycling together.

Later when he came back from uni his brother was 17/18 and hitting pubs clubs scene- so they went together. They'll always be friends and brothers.

In fact my sister is six years older than me- while we weren't friends as children we see each other three four times a week now, look after each other's children, go out together etc. we are close - but she was like a grown up to me when I was small- not allowed in her room, we didn't play etc. we loved one another though, and that's grown to a close relationship as adults.

My sister and I were 2 years apart and fought like cat and dog for 18 years! Only now we are both over 30 do we really get on well, but still not close.

My DH and his sister have 8 years between them and they are very close, talk on the phone all the time and are great friends. It depends on the siblings, not the age gap, if your personalities clash they clash with one year or 10! Hopefully your two will be great friends, maybe older/sister younger brother is a good mix.

Thank you everyone, I'm begining to feel a little better, finally realise itll be upto them in the end! Hopefully I'll be able to find a balance of activities for the two!

Yes that part may be a challenge, make the older one your new babysitter

Any age gap will have it's good and bad points. My eldest sister is 6 years older than me, my brother is 6 years younger than me so quite a spread really. My brother and I have always been closer than my sister and I, esp growing up as we always shared a bedroom, went to the same primary school for a year, my sister seemed that much older really. We have another sister too so I think it naturally separated into the 2 oldest and 2 youngest in some ways. Now we are all adults we're all close really which is lovely.

oh and there are 18 years between my 2 girls, adore each other but obviously quite different lives! There are no right answers!

Ten years between my DDs - it's been fine on the whole. They are 7 and 17 at the moment and it's lovely (DD1 has been my summer holidays childcare provider too).

My son will be 9 when our second baby is due and I don't see any problems. He is a little angel and loves babies. ?? ?? my brother is 10 years older and my sister 8 years older and we are very close ??.

My big bro is 6.5 years older than me and we got on great as kids - we have loads in common.

I think it was nice to have our own space at school (no overlaps!), and our own friends but still have our brother/sister vibe.

He did help look after me a lot and I think my parents used his babysitting a bit too much TBH - he has grown into a caring and young at heart adult though.

I have two sisters and am just as close to the one six years younger than me as the one 3 years younger. If anything, closer as we didn't fight as the gap was bigger

7 yrs between me and DB. 8 yrs between me and DS. They got to lark about with stuff that I liked when I was little. I got to hang out with them at college when I was (probably way too young). It sort of evens itself out.

dd was nearly 11 when ds was born
she's 23 now and he's 12 , she's coming home for a few days tomorrow and hes very excited

There are 5 years between DC's 2 and 3 and they adore each other. Yes the youngest can be a huge pain in the bum when she gets at DS's toys, but generally they are fine.

There is a 15 year gap between 1 and 2 and they are ok too!!

The 5 year age gap won't seem so huge forever. I'm 5 years older than Bro's 2 and 3, and it wasn't a big issue at all (Bro 1 was smack bang in between us, which perhaps helped). After I'd gotten over the indignation of them being boys (again... 5 year old me was excited for at least one of them to be a sister) I was quite happy.

There's a 20 year gap between me and Bro 4, and I feel more maternal than sisterly to him (there's only an 8 month gap between him and my own DD which probably explains that)

6.5 years between my 2. They get on great at the moment and genuinely like each other. They often play together and make each other laugh so much. Obviously the older one has her own interests and toys that the younger one can't join in with, but there is a lot they do together such as play on the trampoline, cushion fights, hide in the play tent together, chase each other. It helps that my oldest is gentle and my youngest boisterous and fearless.

Remember that siblings are for life, not just childhood, which is relatively short in comparison to adulthood.

It is what it is, where or what is guilt going to change. Dump it.

My DSis is 6 years younger than me. We fought all the time as kids, but as adults we've become really close.

There are 2.5 years between my sister and I. We spent our time fighting constantly as kids. Even now we're not close and I'm 36 so there are never any guarantees that they'll get on well.
My own kids are 17, 14 and 7 weeks. We'll see how that pans out in the future...