Having a second child ‘for a break’!?

[stickygotstuck]

Sounds mad, doesn?t it?

BUT I am actually considering having another DC to alleviate the intensity of having an only.

For background, I have one 3.8 YO DD. Beginnings were tough and I am approaching 40, so from her birth both I and DH have been slowly making the decision that we are happy with the one. It?s not a firm decision yet, but we are almost there.

Now, my DD is a lovely child, and I am sure many people think of her as a easy child. However, I would describe her as emotionally intense, from day one. She is also extremely inquisitive and chatty, and frankly she wears me out mentally! So much so that I am considering having a second one to take some of the pressure off!

Anybody here ever feels like this? Anyone actually had another for similar reasons, after thinking you wouldn?t? Is this a typical stage in a 3 YO which will pass? SOON?? Or rather, is it a sign of things to come forever (which I am not sure I am best suited to)?

Um, are you me?

Waiting to see whether folk think this is a phase as you asked....

It's not the reason we had number 2, but it was certainly there on the "pros" list.

Except it's beginning to occur to us that we might just have ended up with a carbon copy of number 1 & have two chatty, intense children instead of 1....

That was one of our pros, as was "i havent lost baby weight so might as well add to it". But seriously, I found having 2 when they were little REALLY hard work but now they are a bit older I think it is easier than having 1 (so much so I added an extra one!)

Ok, first off, my disclaimer: I have 4 DSs, always wanted 4, so not really qualified to post on a 'one child family' thread .

Having said that:
even before I had DS1, I always felt I wanted Another to 'dilute' whatever child I would have.
Intense or placid, loud or quiet, extrovert or introvert - I felt with one there was the possibility of becoming to attuned and involved with one child, that it put too much focus on them - if that makes any sense at all?

Going from 1 to 2 was (relatively) easy, from 2 to 3 not so much...

FWIW, DS1 and DS2 could not be more different from each other - I am glad they are both boys as I am sure if they weren't their v obvious differences would always be put down to gender differences .

Good luck with whatever you decide!

too attuned -sorry

Hollow laugh here. Dont do it!

Thanks all for the replies. So glad people get it. I have mentioned this to a couple of friends with very physically active DC who looked at me as if I had suddenly grown a second head.

Choccy, happy to hear I am not alone. How old is yours?
vvviola that's exactly my worry - getting 2 of the same
wicketter, how close together are your first 2?

Can I ask you all, on a scale of 1 to 10 how "unable to cope with more" did you feel after your first?

Hmmm. I always wanted more than one so can't comment on that bit but I have a 3.4 yo DD who never stops talking for a minute is very chatty. She requires a lot of attention. I now have 16 week old DS. I would say DD is WORSE! Suppose what I am saying is don't count on having another diluting your first!

My God no, don't do it, well not for the reason you have given at least. Like vvviola said, you may end up getting two of the same.

Pacific, that's the other thing, my own intensity needs diluting too, feels a bit unfair to laying it all on DD's tiny shoulders (although perhaps diluting it among 4 is a bit too much for the likes of me )

Devianta, that's intriguing, could you elaborate please?

My dd sounds similar to yours OP (although no-one has ever described her as 'easy'!). Becoming a big sister at 2.2 actually heightened her emotional intensity, clinginess and attachment to me.

I now have 2 children who DON'T STOP TALKING. It is easier in some ways ie sometimes they talk to each other rather than me and play together, and I wouldn't have it any other way, but have another baby because you want another baby, not because of some effect it may or may not have on your dd.

Ooh, so may responses!

Isla, was that the case for you?

Did any of you feel strongly (at any point before you changed your minds and had no. 2, 3 or 4, obviously) that you were perhaps not made for having more than 1? Did that thought ever worry you? Because it does me...

many, sorry

ds was 3 when ds was born. Main problem I had was that ds 1 went to nursery shortly after birth so he thought I was replacing him. But we got there and now they are bf's (most of the time!)

sticky, diluting amongst 4 is a bit too much at times, when I am honest. There have been occasions where I have seen the wisdom of the 2 child family...

DS1 almost finished me off - he screamed his entire first year and Never Slept. How on earth we ever had another I don't know...

I agree don't have another for the reason you posted in your OP, have another because you want another child/person. They are not babies all that long - and halleluja to that !!

P.s- I worry everyday that I am not made for more than one, that I must be neglecting at least 1 dc BUT that is my own insecurity. I am v proud to say that they all are lovely, well balanced dc.

Rosebud, oh yes, the clinginess!!!

I see there is consensus here that it is a bit of a stupid reason to have a second one. I thought so.

Let's take a different angle then - so at what age do you reckon your average talkie stops being (such a) a PITA?

My little talkie literally has not shut up for 8 years!!!!!!!

Oh dear, don't say that wicketter! . I think I did at around 17 or so!

Very glad to hear the insecurity has not got in the way of producing lovely DC

OP, mine is almost 4.

And I saw your question, um, as multifaceted really, cos while 'diluting' an intense child there's also the benefit of giving said child experience of a sibling, less opportunity to rely so totally on you, etc.

Or maybe that's actually what I'm thinking, given am only just (after dreadful time of it) starting to consider another child.

My dc is exactly how you have described, her grandparents describe her as high maintenance, not from a naughty point of view, just that she is quite intense. As she has got older I find myself less worn out, maybe because we can have better conversations? and she can be very, very funny.
The thought of having to deal with two of her though..Oh my god, I think it would have finished me off. Being a team of 3 is great.

Choccy, yes, that's the other side of it. I do worry that, conversely, she gets "too much" of me so too little of other personalities/opinions/ways of doing things.

To be fair to dc I havent shut up for over 30years

We do of course immerse her in groups and friendships and she goes to day nursery while I work part-time. So she is very much able to mix.

But recently she longs for a sibling. Apparently if Mummy isn't going to have a baby she's going to do it!