My 5 yr old only is very shy, please share any advice / experience

[globalmouse]

I've been trying to make sure he gets to play with other children this summer holiday, but he will only play with children he knows. so on the times when we have met up and his friends have had a friend/relation round he won't play at all, he'll just hang around the adults or play on his own. He won't play if there are children he doesn't know, and is very wary of joining any clubs or anything where there are children he doesnt' know. He would just prefer to sit and watch tv all the time on his own.

I just feel for him, but I don't know if I'm projecting my feelings on to him as I'm really sociable and would feel very lonely in his position.

I've tried playing with him and his friends' friend, but he won't participate and I've ended up playing with just his friend's friend and friend without him! Today we are meant to go and visit some good friends and their children, and they all get along really well. But there will be another child there he doesn't know, and so now he doesn't want to go, and I suspect he will hide behind me, not playing, until I get frustrated trying to encourage him. Then he'll ask to watch tv or play the wii.

I really don't know what to do, or even if I should do anything. He gets bored on his own and wants adult company, but is scared of new children. I thought it may be because he hasn't mixed with children from a young age, but he has, and he's always been like this. Or maybe he's just happy on his own. But I'm so aware he needs to be able to make friends as an adult, otherwise he'll always be on his own.

Any advice or experience will be appreciated. I just feel so sad for him :(

We are back from visiting friends, and it kind of reassured me quite a bit - the visiting friend was an eldest child of 2, but was actually more shy than my boy was. And mine played really nicely with his friend until eventually the other child plucked up the courage to join in :)

I was thinking his shyness was mostly to do with him not having siblings, or with me not helping him to make friends, but now I can see it's really a personality thing. So I shall chill, give him opportunities to mix with children, but not get upset thinking that he'll always be a lonely child - it's just the way he is.

It's definitely a personality vs nurture thing. Growing up I was quite like you Ds...very bubbly and comfortable when playing with people i knew but when a stranger showed up i would completely clam up and shut down---preferring my mother's company over anyone elses. My mum and i have a very nice, close relationship to this day in part b/c she never forced me into uncomfortable social situations. She let me blossom socially in my own time, whuch i eventually did (but not until secondary school) but i'm still pretty quiet around stangers and keep a small circle of close friends.

I now have an only ds (4.5) of my own and he is the complete opposite of me growing up. He'll introduce himself to anyone on the playground and doesn't shy away from anything. I sometimes look at him and wonder how we're related---he is soooo different from me.

My 2yr old daughter is really shy too especially out walking she has her hand glued to her eyes when strangers are around even my dad and his wife but wer new in a town and family live an hour journey away so most of the time its just me , mum and lexi we go to the parks and fun house but sometimes she will just scream the place down. I've been trying distraction by taking a packet of milky stars out with us and playing games as she will do anything for food but I don't think its helping the cause just sugar coating it so to speak.

Any tips from when yours children was this age would be greatly appreciated we have 2 neighbors we get on with one has a girl the same age but she's abit of a bully at times and could make it worse and the other has a primary school girl who loves alexia and vice versa but 4yrs gap isn't perfect.

We are fairly young parents 22 and 25 so really don't want to have another child with so much stigma around it young parents close date siblings.

She's also suspected of mild autism or asphergas with a test coming soon.

What is your dd's relationship with his dad like as this can often be the root of shyness issues?

It is a personality thing. I was like it at 5yrs- the worst thing that you can do is make a big thing about it. Just carry on as normal, without drawing attention to it. Relax and give him time.

And I had siblings and was very bossy and noisy at home!