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One-child families

Got questions about only having one child? Find the answers here.

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Original poster

Been made to feel bad for only having the one...

16 replies

Alabama100 · 27/06/2012 19:42

...we can't afford to have anymore. Simple as that. I've been made to feel like I am doing one thing wrong by not having anymore children. Baby is barely 7 months and it's become one sort of race in my nct group to have a second one straight away. Fair dos to them but we're just having the one and I think I'm comfortable with that. I mean jeez there are couples out there who can't even have one nd lend heartbreaking year after heartbreaking year ttc...I count ourselves very lucky.

Need support :-(

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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nancy75 · 27/06/2012 19:45

Just ignore then, lots of people are very happy with one child, and only children don't have a terrible life!

Original poster

Alabama100 · 27/06/2012 19:53

Thank you...been in tears over this and I know it's silly but it's really gotten to me. If we had the money then yes we would probably have another one in say 2 years time but I don't know where this culture of having as many children as close in age as possible has come from and if you don't do this then you're somehow a freak. Sme woman even made a snarky comment about how it's because we don't have the money and if we did then we would love to do the same as them. Sometimes I hate my nct group.

OP posts:

CMOTDibbler · 27/06/2012 19:55

Sounds like you need to dump the NCT group tbh - they don't sound like very nice people.
I have one child, and he is lovely, and I don't regret our decision at all

gamerwidow · 27/06/2012 20:03

Definitely dump the group sometimes the only thing you have in common with your NCT group is the fact you all happened to have a baby at roughly the same time. You don't have to stay friends with them if they are making you miserable.

My DD is 2 in a few weeks and we're not planning anymore partly for financial reasons and partly because I'm not sure I can face the whole newborn stage again.

You will probably get asked when you're having another one by everyone as your baby gets older though so you need to stop caring so much about what other people think. It is rude of people to push the issue but some people seem to be obsessed with everyone having 2 child families and there's bugger all you can do to stop their stupid comments.

Original poster

Alabama100 · 27/06/2012 20:03

Thank you....they're financially in a completely if different position to us and often look down on me and oh (even though we're far from poor!) but we're not exactly city traders or lawyers. Money doesn't equal a better parent. I count myself so fortunate and lucky to have a very beautiful bright baby after our first attempt of trying. We have enough to live in a decent house, in a nice part of town, go on a holiday a year, go on trips, buy her nice things. Two would mean giving up my job and three people living in 2 rooms for the foresseable. Nothing wrong with that if you have the desire to have more children but I ould rather give lo everything plus more and have a certain standard of living than struggle ith two to basically please a bunch of competitive snobs.

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Original poster

Alabama100 · 27/06/2012 20:05

Thank you gamer....lo is barely 7 months as well!

OP posts:

Gilberte · 27/06/2012 20:07

Having two children is very hard going! ( I speak as a mum of two under 5). Particularly the first year or two.

Enjoy the one you have and you're the one that can be smug when you start to get a bit of your life back when your NCT "pals" are still in the thick of it.

sleepymum50 · 27/06/2012 20:13

I have an only and can't tell you how much easier and more fun your life will be. I could go on and on. Mine is 15 now and I still think it was the right decision.

It is difficult sometimes with other people, and I would either answer 'sometimes god only sends one' (don't believe in god either), or as an older mum just point out my age. You can then get the sympathy vote.

Your family dynamics will be different than others, but that can be for the good. There will be much less stress. My DC has a wonderful life, we make more effort to mix with family and friends and have open house with school friends.

Good parenting can make sure that they dont turn out a lonely, spoilt only.

GeometricGiraffe · 27/06/2012 20:19

I get this all the time. My DS is 15 months and I have a constant stream of 'so, when's the next one?' I'm always vague and just say 'when or if I feel it's the right time'. Also, leave the NCT group!

We can't afford another at the moment either. And even if we were able to, I don't think I'd consider it, not for a few more years at least. I'm happy with the one at the moment and I don't have the desire, financial means or feel emotionally ready for another one.

Just ignore it, let it go over your head. It's normally people making conversation. My family know not to keep asking by now!

AGlassHalfEmptyNoLonger · 27/06/2012 22:13

Mine is 10, and at the grand old age of 33, I had a hysterectomy earlier this year. Which had the huge benefit of guaranteeing me no more children. I love him, but have no desire to have another. I have a niece who is 2, and I think her parents are at the point of seeing if another will come (i.e. no contraceptive, but not actively trying, if that makes sense), but are content with an only if that is the way it is.

If it is leading you to dreading going to the NCT group, dump them. Find another parent and baby group if you want to have that link to other parents. You may change your mind in due course, you may not, but it is your life, your child and you know what is best for the family as a whole. Trust yourself :)

smearedinfood · 27/06/2012 22:22

Asking at 7 months! Dear me can you not just enjoy the moment. Get thyself to a dusty church and makes some new friends at a play group over a nice cuppa

henrysmama2012 · 28/06/2012 07:13

Dump the NCT group! They clearly have no manners. Life is too short to hang out with these bitchy types.

mistlethrush · 28/06/2012 07:27

There's a lovely group of Mners (plus me) in a tearoom under this topic where its possible to get this sort of thing off your chest with other people that completely understand where you're coming from.

I don't meet up with my NCT group anymore either - I sort of drifted away - and they're all 2 child families now whereas we just have the one. He went through a period of asking regularly for a sibling that didn't help, but we got round that by explaining that he would also have to share our attention, toys etc - and he has recently been talking about that rather than having a sibling (and I think pitying his school mates who have younger siblings!).

iloveberries · 28/06/2012 14:42

i ditched my NCT group for similar reasons.

our firsts are all 2.5 now and they have all had DC 2.

It was like a race.

You know what? Now they all whinge and whine about it whereas i have an easy cosy life with DS and DC.

I would LOVE a 2nd DC in the future but nature doesn't seem up for it.

either way i agree with finding some new mates!

Original poster

Alabama100 · 28/06/2012 20:41

It IS like some sort of race isn't is, so weird! I never thought I would be like that, they're all trying or their seconds bar us...I do know in my heart of hearts that they won't want to see me once they have their seconds and possibly thirds.

OP posts:

iloveberries · 02/07/2012 15:45

NCT is a weird thing though - it's all hyped up that you'll make your lifelong friends there but that is not necessarily the case at all is it.

Hope you aren't being left out of the chats though. I was totally as i wasn't pg with DC2. it was shit!

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