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One-child families

Got questions about only having one child? Find the answers here.

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Original poster

What do you say to your only child......

11 replies

Pipsqueak99 · 29/04/2012 18:01

......when he/she asks for a sibling?
My son started asking for a brother or sister when he was about 3. It went along the lines of: "when I have a brother, I shall do.......". "will I have a brother or a sister when I am 4?" When my brother or sister comes out of your tummy mummy..". "when I am 4 I want a baby brother"...etc etc.

I've tried explaining that not all children have brothers or sisters. He asks "why?". He says he wants a brother or sister to play with........

We won't be having any more children, and apart from now starting to feel my heart strings being tugged (and guilty) :(, I'm not sure how best to explain it to him :(.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

puds11 · 29/04/2012 18:05

I said ' wouldn't you rather have a puppy?' turns out she would rather have a puppy

Hulababy · 29/04/2012 18:11

DD is 10y now but knows that it isn't always possible. We told her a few years ago, when she asked, that sometimes mummies and daddies can't always make babies very easily. I said that my tummy (she was young hence terminology) didn't always work properly, and couldn't make babies very well, and that she was our very lucky special one to us. Or something along thos elines.

peppersaunt · 30/04/2012 14:28

I also discussed how some people have difficulty having children. I also suggested that she'd have to share her toys if she had a sibling!

happyhorse · 01/05/2012 12:04

Do you have any friends with babies? If so I suggest you both spend some time with them so that he can see that actually babies are quite boring and not good playmates at all.

Also when you're doing nice things together, days out etc, point out that you wouldn't be able to do all these things with a baby in tow, or wouldn't have the time or energy.

Basically you need to do a PR job on the joys of being an only.

Original poster

Pipsqueak99 · 01/05/2012 12:32

HappyHorse, I do have friends with babies and he goes to a childminder who has younger children and he loves them........ He also understands that babies grow up into little brothers and sisters that he can/could play with.

He has pets, and I don't want to mention not having to share his toys (he needs to learn that sharing is a nice thing to do, not the reverse).

I'm struggling with the PR job and feeling guilty I think, because we made a concious choice not to have any more rather than being unable to. And I can't really explain that choice to him right now I don't think.

OP posts:

GateGipsy · 03/05/2012 14:28

I explain that it isn't always easy for mummies to make babies. For some mummy's it is really really hard, and for DS's mummy (me) it was really really hard. We tried and tried and tried, and it took five years and we had just given up but finally we managed to make our baby, and that baby was really really special because it had taken us so long to make, and that baby was YOU!

But sadly not all mummies get to make more than one baby - and some don't even get to make any at all. We're just really happy that we have our special baby, and we would have loved to have had another special baby but it just didn't happen.

Original poster

Pipsqueak99 · 03/05/2012 22:48

Aw. That's lovely Gipsy.

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Hardboiled · 04/06/2012 15:53

Difficult one! It was our choice to stick to one, so at a certain point I just said we don't want to have more babies because we're very happy with you and we have decided not to have more. Then of course he asked: but how can a woman choose whether to get pregnant or no? So I had to teach him about reproduction! Now he is 10 and he's actually relieved when I tell him I probably won't be having any more children, he is happy on his own and has his friends' siblings to experience. He is so sweet with all his friends young siblings, they adore him. Then it's over, he can come home and chill out.

heartstart · 04/06/2012 16:11

My ds sounds v like hard boiled, he is 8 and v relaxed now about it, he asks now and then prob last 4 months or so ago. I pointed out that even if I had baby now it wouldn't be much fun in the forest or back fields ( where he makes camps etc) for a number of years and that we would not be able to do so much interesting stuff for a while

AKE2012 · 04/06/2012 16:27

My 8 yr old keeps asking when im having another one (Im a single parent). we had a conversation yesterday that ended with me saying 'Its not like you can just go down the shop and buy a baby'. I just explained that for the moment i am not planning on having any more and that i am happy jus me n my daughter. I explained about all the things that we can do together and how a baby would stop that.

How old is your child now?

I think my child is reacting like this coz 2 of my sisters are pregnant.

Original poster

Pipsqueak99 · 11/06/2012 10:03

My ds is 4 and has been asking about a sibling since he was about 3.

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