can I just grump please?

[passivehoovering]

as it would make me feel a bit better to get it off my chest :)

I always expected to have more than one child BUT

• I live in London and you try meeting a man here!
• I was 35 and DH was 46 when we met
• I couldn't breastfeed, and apparantly EVERYONE can, but all that came out was blood.
• I was diagnosed with mastitis when DD was 6 months old, just as I was miscarrying her sibling :(
• when she was 9 months it turned out I probably had breastcancer for all of DD pregnancy. Because it was missed for so long it did look as if my time with my much wanted baby was up. It was related to hormones so advised not to have more children, and can't go on the pill. *hurrah, it hadn't spread so a double mastectomy and radiotherapy was all that was needed. *during this time DH moved in with me, and we have moved house twice

So, DD is now 3 and the best kid anyone ever had. I am not medically supposed to get pregnant, because it could cause my cancer to grow. I don't want to move again as we are in our dream house. I am pushing 40 and DH pushing 50. We are tired and drained I couldn't cope with another child. TO be honest DD is so fab I couldn't imagine another child being as great as her anyway, and I want to spend as much time as I can just being with her when I am not at work.

What do I say when people ask if we are planning to have another one? Or say that it is sad that DD is an only? I tend to get so annoyed with being asked, that I tell them the edited highlights, and they never speak to me again.

And just to say that non of this is fair, but it worked out ok, we have DD, and she is ACE

You do not EVER have to justify having one child but if you feel you want to then say either:

1. We have only been fortunate enough to have one - this indicates that you would have liked another but circumstances have prevented it.

or (and this is my personal fave retort)

1. When you have perfection you stop

It shuts them up every time

We were told it was unlikely we could have DC so when DD came along she was our miracle so if I feel like the asker warrants an explanation i will say that which makes them backtrack and admit that one is all you need yada yada etc etc

You sound very together OP and you've been through so much! I can't advise on what to say as I usually bite people's heads off.

I like the perfection retort though.

"I've had a load of health problems so doctors advised I should stop at one";
"yeah I would have like another one, too, but not meant to be!" in a cheery voice.

Think it's rude & weird if someone says it's "sad" to be an only. Are you sure they aren't picking up on your disappointment that you didn't have a choice about stopping at one?

:( to hear you've had such a hard time.

In your situation I'd go for 'Its not medically possible' then do a subject change.
If they persist, then give them both barrels !

You have a reason for not having any more than one, but it's none of anyone's business if you're not keen to share. I'm perfectly comfortable saying we're not having any more & leaving it at that. IF someone is rude enough to ask, I just say that one is enough for me.

I wouldn't justify my reasons, in the past I have tended to give a flippant " we got it right the first time" type of answer, which tends to shut people up.
Sorry you have had such a tough time.

Thanks so much everyone. I think people are asking because dd is 3 and I suppose that is when people have another one? Or maybe just for something to say.

I do like the " perfection" answer but don't know if I have the guts to go with that one, especially when dd is likely to be hanging upside down from something nearby.

I think I will go for the " it s not medically possible route" or just " another would have been nice but our family is perfect like it is"

I suppose I am sad because there WAS another baby after dd but no one will ever know him or her , and to say I dont want another one disregards that one?

Hmm I need counselling or a nice cup of tea and a biscuit

Thanks so much everyone. I think people are asking because dd is 3 and I suppose that is when people have another one? Or maybe just for something to say.

I do like the " perfection" answer but don't know if I have the guts to go with that one, especially when dd is likely to be hanging upside down from something nearby.

I think I will go for the " it s not medically possible route" or just " another would have been nice but our family is perfect like it is"

I suppose I am sad because there WAS another baby after dd but no one will ever know him or her , and to say I dont want another one disregards that one?

Hmm I need counselling or a nice cup of tea and a biscuit

Then have a and a and a stealth hug. People do stop asking - my ds is 6 next month, and its rare for people to say anything now.

Yum, thanks for that. Good biscuit.

Just a bad day today, tomorrow will be better

why do people throw in the bit about it being sad they're on their own? And in front of/within earshot of son too? They have no idea why we've got just the one. It took five years to get him, so I'm just counting myself lucky we managed to have a child at all. I once thought I'd have four children, then I thought I'd have none, then I didn't want anymore than one child. Now I can't imagine having more than one anyway, is perfect. We live in London too and really just couldn't have afforded it either.