Adoption. Help me please.

[Beccaboo29]

Hi there,

I've just joined so please be nice to me!

My name is Beccy. I'm a 21 year old single mum to a 3 and a half year old little boy. Just for some background I had my son at 16 and I was no longer with the dad. So at the moment I am still living in my childhood home with my mother. Things aren't to well and we argue always.

My son goes to Nursery full time and I am also at work full time. So my mother picks him up every night and takes him home.

I am really struggling at the moment just with the arguments, my son and work. I am seriously considering giving my little boy up for adoption.

The reasons why are because when I had my son I was to far on to have an abortion and I wasn't strong enough to give him up. I love him but he deserves better I know I sound horrible and really please don't judge me but has anyone else considered this?

I really need your help.

Thank you so much.

I meant 'I think they will - get better'

If that wasnt clear.

i too hope that the professionals you are seeing can help you through this.

like i said, i have the utmost respect for someone who has a baby at such a young age and still goes on to make something of themselves, hold down a job... it's hard work and it's no wonder you're stressed out right now

i do think that there are simpler solutions to your situation right now, and hopefully you can talk through all the options with someone and figure out what is right not just for you, but for your son as well.

i think it's totally unrealistic to think that you can give up your son and go on living with your mum and everything will be rosy. that isn't going to happen.
your mum will be devastated.

Please keep coming and updating us if you feel you can. There are people here happy to offer support and kind words if you need them

Becca

The feeling you are having ARE normal. I also had my son at 16 (and funnily enough i was a self absorbed adolescent!!) and worked full time. It is really tough and it took me many years to come to terms with my sense of loss not only for my childhood but for his 'great start at life' that i so desperately tried to provide. 21 yrs later and I no longer feel guilty for not 'being good enough' and have come to terms that my best was in fact good enough as at the time it was all i could give.

I am now a social worker (yes you can go back to uni at a later date ;0) ) and have seen terrible cases of abuse and neglect over the years and the poor children who suffer at the hands of adults - your son is not one of these children (from the information you have provided) and you have mentioned the love you feel for your son. Please keep seeing your counsellor and know that things can get better.

Hiya,
Just wanted to add to the voices saying I hope you start feling positive about things. I work in the world of social services and their absolute priority will be to keep your son with you. That is certainly the best place as all evidence shows that children are best placed with parents w who can love and care for them and with whom thy have formed strong attachments. You may feel like there could be better parents out there, but on that argument everyone would have to give up their child as really no one is a perfect parent. I also think that getting your own place will help and you should be at the top of the list for housing. Also if you contact social services or your local children's centre thy will be able to help in terms of getting support, parenting classes and lone parent groups to help strengthen your parenting skills. There are also ways of formalising respite arrangements to give you a break. SS could make it a proper arrangement for your mum to have your ds every other weekend for example, if all were in agreement.
I hope this helps and wish you all the best for feeling better about things
x

Hi im new to mumsnet just after some advice..
We'v been approved for adoption dec 16 and i know it can take ages this is the worst part! We'v been so close twice but always another family chosen over ours..last time was so hard as we'd saw nursery pics & drawings our hopes were high as we were told we were the only ones and if it fell through it would be on our part, the other workers said they informed ours that another family was involved and then chosen, i feel like we had a bereavement! I know its ridiculous has anyone else been through this

Hi DW1973 - welcome to MN

There is an adoption board on MN - we're a friendly bunch and very happy to share our experiences and give advice when possible. You will get much more useful information starting a new thread over there rather than posting on the end of an old thread.

If you go through the Talk topics, you can find the Adoption Board under "Becoming a Family"

As someone who was adopted as a child, and as you are a mother who is adequately parenting your son, the biggest failing would be adoption. Attachment disorder will destroy your son's life. You are not 16 anymore , get some counselling and prioritise him.
Do not fool yourself that your ds would be better off adopted.
Unless a child is being abused /neglected they are always better of with their birth parent.

This thread is 5 years old