Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

One-child families

Got questions about only having one child? Find the answers here.

Flip

Original poster

Did you know how many children you wanted?

10 replies

shopafrolic · 17/02/2012 10:05

Apologies if there are similar posts out there.
I am 39 years old and have a 1yr old DS. He is our world. DD is 42. It took me a while, and an operation to fall pregnant and I hated every minute of pregnancy. Labour was long but ok. My issue is that DD doesn't want a 2nd baby but will have one if I insist! And me? I have no idea what I want.
It is only now that I am starting to feel more human again and the prospect of falling pregnant right now fills me with dread.

I don't have a great relationship with my brother. All my friends with 2 or more kids say they always knew they wanted more.
I am terrified that if we have a second child we will struggle (DH is very hands off) but if I don't - DS will be lonely etc. etc.
I feel that my age is putting me under pressure to decide. I know I could still have a baby at 43 but this isn't really what I want. How can I go with my gut instinct when I don't really have one?!
So my question is - how did you know you only wanted 1 child (or more than 1?)

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

CMOTDibbler · 17/02/2012 10:15

I guess for me, it was that the potential pain of trying to have another child (multiple mcs, a miserable pg, prem birth, scbu stay) was far greater than any urge to have another child.

I don't think ds(5) is at all lonely, and he has some fab friends to hang out with, sleepover with, and always finds other children to play with on holiday. And as someone with v elderly and ill parents and a sibling who does nothing for them, I know that that arguement doesn't wash

Original poster

shopafrolic · 17/02/2012 10:25

Thanks for the swift reply! Feeling really overwhelmed by this today! That is the other challenge. My parents are local but too elderly to help, and DH parents live too far away.
I'm just not feeling the urge to do it but am worried that I will but only once it's too late! Not very good at being decisive I guess!

OP posts:

Knittedslippers · 17/02/2012 10:33

I always thought I would have 5 children, but it was not meant to be. DD is 16 and has never been lonely, she has a very active social life and is just as happy as her friends who have siblings. I never dwell on only having one, in fact I love only having one and am secretly pleased that fate played a hand and took the chance of having more away from me. (that makes me sound a bit weird, I'm really not!)

welliesandpyjamas · 17/02/2012 10:34

I always thought pre-dc that 2 would be fine. Then we had DS1 and I thought I'd stick to 1 (he was highly energetic and determined and I felt a bit worn out by him!). Then when he was about four yrs old and easier we decided another would be nice. So we had DS2...and he was such a dream of a baby that we now want another one. Tried once and MCed but still feel strongly that 3 dc would be perfect.

How you feel about it will vary depending on where you are in life. If you are thinking a lot about another then IMO you should go for it, you won't ever regret another dc.

anniewoo · 26/02/2012 08:41

I wanted 2/3/4. Only had 1. DC now 23. Am still heartbroken. We did everything to no avail. Voice still screaming in my ear- why, why, why. Really affected marriage. DH heartbroken too. My 'fault' so you can imagine guilt i feel/ felt. Irrational i know. Having a happy family was what I wanted in my life- wasn't big on career. Didn't happen. Amazing DC tho. I kno I should count my blessings. Hope some day pain goes away.

ripsishere · 26/02/2012 08:52

I feel blessed to have the one we do. She is lovely, mainly, but a pickle a lot of the time.
I honestly can't imagine having more than her. My sister OTOH, has eight. She says she can't think of just having one.
Horses for courses and all that.

Milngavie · 26/02/2012 08:58

I have 4 (Wanted 6). I think the number of children people have is a very personal decision. DH and I both wanted a large family and we have one but we both know that not everyone feels the same way.

If you don't want to have another child it really is fine .

TwllBach · 26/02/2012 09:04

I've always wanted seven, all rationality put aside. Logically, I think I would be happy with three. In the harsh reality of day, I would feel blessed to have the one. DP knows he will want DC at some vague point in the future, but a family is all I've ever wanted since the year dot and all I can see is DCless years dragging on ahead of me

I would still go for seven if we win the lottery though

Tee2072 · 26/02/2012 09:12

I never thought about it much but thought 2 would be good. After 2 years of TTC and a horrid pregnancy 1 is more than enough.

breatheslowly · 26/02/2012 09:37

We have a toddler DD and I think we are likely to try for another one in a couple of years. I come from a 2 child family and so does DH so my perception of "family" is of 2 children. I thought I might like 3 (but at least 2), but one is hard enough both to have and to look after that there is no way we would have 3 (barring twins/accidents). What I really didn't realise when we had DD is that having one makes you a mother and that was what I had been yearning for, so my urge to have a second is no where near my urge to have my first.

Flip