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One-child families

Got questions about only having one child? Find the answers here.

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Original poster

when do they stop pleading for a brother or sister?

13 replies

HollyGhost · 22/12/2011 14:25

3 yo DD has been begging for a little sister for the past few weeks. She tells me that she would look after the baby

When I say that she is not going to have a sister, she starts pleading for a brother!

It breaks my heart, as I'd love for her to have a sibling, but for various reasons it is very unlikely to happen.

OP posts:

StuckInTheFensAwayFromHome · 22/12/2011 14:28

If its like me then I never stopped until I was old enough to be told the truth. My parents couldn't give me a baby sibling and one day explained it - I felt so guilty then that I had pestered so much...

ComeIntoTheFestiveGardenMaud · 22/12/2011 19:51

DD used to ask when she was about 3, which was the age at which several of her friends acquired younger siblings. I explained that it couldn't happen and she soon lost interest. She never begged or pursued it - a baby sister was something that she considered desirable, in the same way as a kitten, a pony or the latest Charlie and Lola book.

miaowmix · 22/12/2011 19:54

Dd has never once asked - she would positively hate the idea (and so would i).. she requests a puppy/kitten frequently though

ElfOnTheShelf · 22/12/2011 20:04

Yes, DD would rather have a kitten or a rabbit than a sibling. If she keeps pestering you OP you could always fob her off and say 'when you want a story (insert what you like), mummy would have to say no as she will be looking after the baby, isn't it better it's just us?'. Put a positive spin on being an only child or tbh tell her you can't have any more. I'm sure DD was about 3 when we told her we couldn't give her a sibling.

pinkappleby · 22/12/2011 20:10

Sorry if I shouldn't be in this topic as I do have more than one but my DS often asks for another sibling and I think he would carry on asking no matter how many siblings he had, he just likes babies and doesn't understand any of the issues about family size, so maybe don't take it too much to heart.

ComeIntoTheFestiveGardenMaud · 22/12/2011 20:10

I do think it's important to remember that 3 year olds want things in a different way to adults. The fact that they might ask for something doesn't mean that they expect to get it or will be devastated if they don't. As I said, DD asked for a sister (and was horrified when I pointed out that if there was a baby there was a 50:50 chance of its being a boy) but this was part of a very extensive wish list, which also included a house with a swimming pool and pony paddock and the entire Argos catalogue toy section.

ComeIntoTheFestiveGardenMaud · 22/12/2011 20:12

Pinkappleby - You make a very valid point. It isn't only only children who ask for siblings, just as it isn't only mothers of one who feel a pang at having no more babies.

CMOTdibbler · 22/12/2011 21:54

My ds occasionally asks for a sibling. I've told him its not possible, and then he leaves the subject alone again. I hope that in another year he'll remember it. He'll tell me that everyone else has a sibling - but I can point out at least 7 of his friends who don't

Original poster

HollyGhost · 23/12/2011 09:17

Thank you all. It is a really good reality check that 3yos want things in a different way to adults. It is probably just chance that she has got the idea that she wants a sibling - rather than a puppy or a rabbit or a pony

Her friends mostly have new baby siblings now, so I guess she feels left out. She is fascinated by the babies, but I suspect that she thinks of them as really good dolls rather than human beings.

OP posts:

ComeIntoTheFestiveGardenMaud · 23/12/2011 10:48

Yes, I think that last part is very true. I don't think DD ever really thought of the baby sister as a sister, ie a lifelong (or not, given all we know about sibling relationships) relationship and someone to share the house with for the next 18 years - I suspect she was thinking solely in terms of dressing her up and wheeling her around in a buggy as with her best dollies!

EssentialFattyAcid · 26/12/2011 10:19

Borrow a baby and let her realise that she will get far less of your attention!

My dd is 12 and has never wanted a sibling...and she always cited this as the reason - that there would be less time and attention for her.

Not saying that having more children is wrong in any way, just that this strategy might settle your dd on the benefits of being an only.

dustwhatdust · 26/12/2011 22:21

my nine year old ds still hopes, even after i've tried to explain 'mummy's past it 'in numerous ways !

soonbeforty · 26/12/2011 22:32

My three year old has been asking recently, she loves babies, but I'm hoping she'll grow out of it. I wouldn't mind but she has an older sister.
I'm hoping it's just a phase as it's definately not going to be happening as I'm in the throes of early menopause!

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