The Nordic Tearoom (Number 31)

[beanandspud]

We have moored the barge for the winter and have moved to a beautiful, cosy log cabin in deepest Scandinavia overlooking a frozen lake and surrounded by pine trees.

Mellors has lit the log fires and candles, it is snowing outside and there are comfortable seats for everyone and fleecy blankets to snuggle up in. For the more active tearoomers there are skis and sledges outside as well as a steaming hot tub for winding down after a busy day.

So pull up a chair. The kettle is on for and there is always plenty of depending on your mood and time zone. (Alternatively there is schnapps, smorgasbord and smoked fish).

Everybody is welcome ? share as much or as little as you like ? but no fisticuffs please!

I wondered about teething he's cut two teeth since Wednesday/Thursday. However, the missing fang doesn't feel anywhere close and neither do the second set of molars. He's a bit warm this morning but no where near has hot as yesterday. Toddler, however`, definitely still isn't 100% AND he knows something's happening today I have a cling-on toddler.

Have decided I'm not ready to go back yet. I want to stay. I guess it would be wrong to demand we stay. I feel selfish but I just don't want to go yet.

Quite understandable Scout!

We discovered that ds's gums got what looked like blisters when a tooth was a few days away from cutting but still not remotely visible or even showing as a bump.

MT - not a good way to end a concert at all! I hope he is OK

The YD never got on with CBBC. He loved Cbeebies, and DVDs of the Clangers, Ivor the Engine, Bagpuss, Trumpington etc, The herbs - and still watches some of them for comfort. He went straight on to scooby do and Tom and Jerry on Boomerang... I HATE the ads....

On another front, we are now waiting for an appointment with the Ed Psych... The Senco told me to ask my GP for an appointment with the CAMHS team! The doctor and I agreed that this was inappropriate, and the Ed Psych would be much more useful.

We're awaiting an appt with CAMHS - so we can compare notes! Drs appt 10th Oct... just had letter saying where referred to but nothing as yet.

Boy lost his first tooth ! hope the tooth fairy can find the bright pink envelope its in under boys pillow.

Boy started writing xmas cards for class mates today- his two best mates and the "naughty boy" , interesting to hear who he does NOT want to give a card too. I'm not insisting on any.

I now don't know if I have work for eth next 2.5 weeks starting Thursday, would have started wed, but strike has closed school, the person I'm replacing has not been told if their hospital thing has been cancelled or not. They may be just fine to work till end of term if they are re-arranged to after dec 17th.... up in the air. I guess I'll find out Thursday. Handily I'm not on contract as an MTA so I don't have to go to school for 90 mins on Wednesday ( with my own child in tow).

Can I offer round teh choc box of requirements? what your guilty pleasure tonight. Mines a coffee cream.

at conductor collapsing. I don't know what I'd do if I saw that - be torn between rushing up to help and telling myself to get out of the way of professionals, I suppose.

So... may I bore you all with the latest instalment of the half-sister-wanting-to-visit saga? I finally did write what you all suggested - that she's welcome to come but that we couldn't take the entire two weeks off, that she would need to entertain herself, and that we are not night-club people who venture into the bars of Vancouver every night - that we would of course do our best to entertain her but that she'd been with us twice now and knew what our daily lives were like with JB who will be four by then, and - if this was really her only opportunity for holiday before she finishes her course in September and hopefully starts working in her field (SALT), she should really think about whether this was what she wanted to do with her holiday or if there wasn't something more fun she'd rather do.

I included that last bit (and stressed a few times that I was concerned because the last time she was with us there were times when she was very very bored and DH and I had to do other things and she was Not Pleased) because in a way, as much as she was an utter pain in the arse the last time she was here, I don't want her to feel like she wasted her holiday. It's bloody expensive to fly from Germany to Vancouver, and I personally, at her age (23) would not be keen to go hang out with relatives who couldn't take the time off to spend with me, and have to entertain myself in a foreign country.

I did stress, several times, that I did not want to dissuade her from coming, but that I did want to be realistic about what it was likely to be like - basically to be forewarned so we didn't have a repeat of two years ago so we all knew where we stood.

Anyway. I sent this off week before last, I think. Got a one-liner reply back yesterday morning, in English:
"I think you're right, I'm not coming!!"
(Direct quote.)

Oh dear. I think Her Highness is put out.

Now what do I do?

I'm not interested in a big family hoo-ha. Do I just say "ok, thanks for letting us know and let's plan a time when we can all take time off and have fun together"? Or what?

A part of me does feel bad that the prospect of her coming filled me with such dread so little joy. But honestly, she was horrible at times. Please go ahead and flame me but I spent a lot of her visit thinking "I will not raise JB like this, to be the epitome of the spoiled only child".

Gah. JM feeling very unhappy today.

I hate family ishoos like this.

As you say JM
"Do I just say "ok, thanks for letting us know and let's plan a time when we can all take time off and have fun together"?"

Yep- thats exactly what you say. Its politer than her response and leaves all the doors open to a nicer shared time some when in teh future.

Neutral territory may work better than either sides home turf.

I'm dreading the flight with a whiny, cling-on toddler. But, as the lady across the aisle said on the way over: it's only x hours, these people were all babies once so who cares of TS cries and you'll never have to see them again so don't worry if he does cry!

I never had to do it, but I believe Calpol is your drug of choice! Anyway, if the passengers are like that lovely-sounding lady, that'll help a lot.

UniS's advice about JMSister seems spot-on to me.

Oh yes, we will be doing Calpol. I don't always need to when flying but given the low-grade fever and the teeth I will be administering (and teeth gel) just before boarding. We're leaving the house within the next 30 minutes -- see you on the otherside.

Eek! I hadn't realised quite how close you were to leaving. Hope all goes well on the flight! xx

Safe travels home Scout. ((((HUGS))))
It's hard to leave, isn't it. :(

Thanks re advice. Based on a couple of curt emails, I think I'm in the doghouse with her father, too.

Ummm... her father, who is, obviously, also my father. Whoops.

Actually, I occasionally seem to forget that. JB asked me once, looking at a picture, "who is that?"
Me: "that's Aunty Alex's dad".
Cue odd look from DH.
Me: "????? ... Oh, right... erm... that's Mummy and Aunty Alex's dad."
JB: "I thought K-cup (nickname for stepdad) was Mummy's daddy."
Me: "He is..."

Fortunately JB lost interest before I had to try to figure our how to explain.

Meh. :(
I feel like I went wrong somewhere and I don't know where.

But really, JM, I don't think you did go wrong. You were very honest with your sister and gave her an accurate picture of what her stay was likely to be like if she came at the time she was proposing. It's unfortunate that she's been rather petulant (it seems) in her response - and who knows how she might have distorted things in repeating them to your dad - but that says far more about them. I'm sure things will get back on an even keel once she's had time to reflect.

Did you send the email yet offering to talk about a time when you could take time off? If you haven't, I think in your shoes I'd leave it a couple of days while she cools down and then send it in a breezy fashion, as if you hadn't noticed that she and your dad were in an unjustified strop displeased.

Trip not nearly as bad as anticipated -- pretty good, actually, though TS's temperature soared during it which freaked me out (had drugged him up 20 minutes before boarding) but more drugs and lots of apple juice (two cups, which is a lot at one go for him) and he was cool again.

TS had a breakfasty lunch and is now asleep. As soon as I have my sandwich I'll be off for a nap, too.

JM, you need to hang out on threads about whiny entitled siblings more - it will give you a good sense of perspective and help you realise that in all honesty, whatever you did would have been wrong. Let it go - if she wants to throw her toys out of the pram, so be it. Has your dad actually said anything to you over it?

Minithumb will be 4 on Sunday. He'll be able to wear the tea room t-shirt - I will make sure he does and post a pic of him in it :)

He still likes ABC2 stuff, which is mostly CBeebies level - but sometimes he gets fed up with it and would rather watch older-age things, same level as CBBC, or cartoon DVDs like Tom & Jerry (he's very fond of T&J). He still likes to watch Ivor the Engine on DVD too though. DH is less keen (as he is with anything that isn't "of his time" )

Scout - glad you returned safely and in one piece, and that TS made it ok. Hope he throws off whatever it is he has going on quickly. :)

JM I think you did the right thing. Frankly at 23 I'd love to come and hang out with you in Vancouver. When I was studying my best was to stay with people who were proper grown ups with houses and fridges with non-sour milk and without other people's clothes draped over every surface and curtains drawn all day ... but you were right to say as it is and then say "come again when it might work"

perhaps her Dad's reaction is a clue to how she got to be so selfish in the first place?! (and I say her Dad advisedly there...)

Just remembered on the TV front, someone recommended things like hong kong foey and top cat and wacky races for the slightly too old for Everythings Rosie but essentially quite child like watchers among us! Effectively what we watched as little 'uns!

What 'time' is he of Thumb if Ivor the Engine isn't it? He must be either a real dinosaur or have his head in the sand. ()

Glad you got back OK Scout

JM - I agree you did the right thing. She is just being petulant and stroppy - as you expected her to be - but at least she's not in your home being it, she's 000's of miles away. I wonder whether you could possible find something that was a week's 'action' or 'specific activity' holiday that she might be interested in nearby and in a week or a month say something like 'I saw an add for this and thought that it might be ideal for you - if you can come over for a couple of weeks and do this one of them, I'll take the other off and we can do some other stuff together' ???? If DSis's dad is also being stroppy, more fool him. If he ever confronts you with it you can tell him that you can't take all that time off and that DSis would just get bored and you didn't want her to have a boring holiday, so you were thinking of her entirely. And that he should stop thinking of just her feelings and consider his other daughter in the matter too.

Thumb - looking forward to seeing photo. That was still one of my most favourite Tshirts. Lovely colour. MC liked it a lot too. And it wasn't even new when he started wearing it!

Did anyone hear today's Woman's Hour discussion of siblings? I only caught snatches of it, one of which was to beware the perils of over-romanticising the sibling relationship. I shall think of that the next time there's one of those threads about how only children are going to suffer and be traumatised their whole life long without a sibling to be their bosom pal.

I'll listen to that online later in the week Maud. TBH, I know very few people in RL whose siblings are their best friends. And several like me whose relationship is strained to say the least

JM, I think you are totally in the right here. If your stepsis chooses to be petulant, that is Not Your Problem.

I have to get up at yeuch o'clock tomorrow to pop to the Netherlands for a few hours actual work. At least Schipol always looks pretty for Christmas, and might be able to get some nice decorations

Exactly, Cmot. I'm always a bit perplexed when people say that their sibling is also their best friend - it's lovely I guess but also makes me wonder whether they lack the ability actually to make any friends.

We were in Amsterdam once in early December when Sint Nicolaas arrived in town. It was a beautiful sight. The Girl was rather spooked though, several years ago in Belgium, when Sint Nicolaas was accompanied by two people who had blacked-up. I was aghast.

JM, I think you did the right thing, too.

Maud, I'll have a listen later in the week, too.

Who wants to unpack for me?

Maud's patent unpacking technique:

1. Put dirty laundry in washing basket
2. Unpack stuff you need urgently, such as toothbrush and book
3. Remove clean stuff as and when you need it
4. Three months weeks later, get fed up with half-empty bag cluttering up the bedroom and finally unpack the rest.

The other snippet I heard is that some psychoanalysts think that the arrival of a sibling is deeply traumatising, because of deep fears about being supplanted in parental affection, so I thought at least I won't be subjecting The Girl to that! I need to hear the rest, to get the whole picture.

No dirty laundry -- did washing before we came back. But I need to sort out what stays here (inlaws) and what we need to go back to Scoutshire tomorrow.

Maud
I thought that "black Peter" was meant to be an imp or devil who administerd chastisement to naughty children - not a racial thing at all. (Caveat, Donkis are not history/anthropological/folklore experts)