The one and only Tearoom, to be sure , it is.

[UniS]

To pinch an intro from the very first one and only tea room thread. in 2009.

The tea room is now officially open, serving hot chocolate, tea, freshly-squeezed orange juice and a range of home-baked muffins. Tablecloths and crockery are charmingly mismatched antiques (no Cath Kidston here). We overlook an attractive although somewhat overgrown garden, with a distant view of rolling countryside.

Everyone is welcome but house rules dictate that anyone indulging in fisticuffs will be ejected.

Please come in.

2011
We seem to have fetched up in Ireland, this place looks remarkably like a pub,There is even a guiness barrel over there. The NMBs are all sporting shamrocks. The mirror ball is here, but I leave teh rest of the unpacking to someone else.

Of course lots of non-aspie people are rude. A lot of non-only children are selfish and can't share; a lot of Germans have a sense of humour. People love to categorise and then critisise. (Some people may even find fault with my spelling now that I have lost my google spell checker again). You have to look at the people making the comments and ask yourself how much you care what they think.

Mindy, re dogs: What about putting up a notice in your local shop offering to walk a child-friendly dog? For free? I know lots of people would jump at the offer and you could then get to know it well and have a dog to play with. Sometimes we get the nighbour's dog round to play with Wriggle (even though we have a dog).

Maud, I'm afraid I can't help with your problem; I wish I could since people have been so supportive with my AP problem. From experience, a visit to the GP could be more positive than you fear.

CMOT, ditto re Nasty Think In Mouth. My sister had a scare last year which went on for months, but was finally benign. Very scarey few months, though.

Am just finishing 'A Hatful of Sky'. I love the Tiffany Aching books and really can't engage in any way with any of his others. I just wish he had written more of the ones that I like.

Just think about how many people are missing out on good friendships, support etc by going round treating everyone in such a blinkered way.

I do get my judgy pants on sometimes - eg when seeing a todler being pushed around in a buggy by someone smoking - often said todler is tucking into a packet of crisps. That being said, I'm fed up with my MiL giving Ds a packet of crisps as an appropriate snack - despite being an educated woman she seems unable to get her head round the fact that there is salt in lots of things - like bread - so if she gives Ds a bag of crisps that take up 1/3 of his salt allowance, he could easily be exceeding the recommended amount. TBH, I would prefer to keep him lower than that anyway.

Unserp - good idea about dog walking. I used to regularly walk dogs for The Dogs Trust too.

CMot - hope you don't have to wait an age for an appointment and that there is a solution to be found.

UnSerp - what a fantastic idea! will do that.

Amber - your husband sounds amazing!!

Mindy - We don't have any pets and this has also been on my mind. We are thinking a cat not a dog as I think dogs are alot of work. I feel a bit bad about not giving littleo a sibling or pet and figured a pet would be less work than a baby ! But I just got back from 6 weeks at my parents house and they have a dog, a dog that littleo was very mean to all the time. It really upset me to see how he was with the dog. Then last week he spent the day and mil and fil house. They have two cats. Supposedly he chased the cat up a tree and didn't give it a moments peace all day. So I think he's not ready for a cat perhaps. Any thoughts?

Scout - My in laws are also driving me mad. LittleO had a major major meltdown the other day because I wouldn't give him icecream. As in he kicked me, hit me, bit me and screamed and screamed !!! It was awful. I said he had to go back to the car because of his behaviour. I tried to lift him, he is now too heavy and was struggling. I realised I couldn't carry him all the way back. But he wouldn't walk! I tried the whole 'well I'm going' thing in the hope that he'd follow. He didn't and as I stood away from him wondering what the hell I'd do a lovely woman from the lifeboat association came up to him (we were at an agricultural show) to see if he was lost, and he kicked her ! Then a policeman came over to him! I explained the situation about the icecream to him and he told LittleO that he must listen to me and do what he was told.

Anyway, when I later told mil about all of this she said 'you know what you should have done don't you? You should have given him the icecream'. WTF! Anyway, any advice on his behaviour and tips on what to do if this happens again in the future would be great. I spoke to him that evening about kicking the lady. But all in all I am at a loss. He is a lovely boy....when he gets what he wants. But when he doesn't he hits out. The thing is we never give in to it, and he knows it but it still doesn't stop him having a melt down. I am guessing he just feels so angry it overwhelmes him. But that's no good either.

Maud -I love your new name!

sympathy Aand O, trantuming child situation not fun. Can you still do a firemans lift with DS? - over the shoulder like a sack of spuds. Its not very comfortable for child but can be easier for adult than a cuddle carry. AND you can hold their legs to stop them kicking you.

Cups of tea all round. Care for some ginger tiffin?

Sports day got cancelled today. The whiny parents whined. But as it rained LOTS last week and overnight and teh feild is sloping grass. I have some sympathy with school decision that teh grass track was too slippery to be safe for races. Our little foundation stage children would probably have been fine but suspect year 5 & 6 would have gone flying.

What Serpent said about 'categorise and criticise'. Exactly that. Specifically - categorise into 'abnormal'. A cyclist and a motorist run a red light - that motorist is an idiot, ALL cyclists are idiots. Because driving a car is 'normal'. A man and a woman are both assertive, he's fine, she's a bitch. Because assertive men are 'normal'. Eldest child in the family is a bit shy, her best friend is an only and also a bit shy - the first child is just shy, one of those things, the only is pathologically introverted cos she's got no siblings. Cos having siblings is 'normal'. And so on.

And agree with Maud too about confirmation bias.

AandO how old is LittleO? DD was 5 when we got our cats (as kittens) and while I'm sure it's manageable with a younger child, I'm personally glad she wasn't any younger. She wasn't consciously horrible to them, but she was scared of them at first (SUCH pointy little claws) and did some uncharacteristically silly things. One of them 'chased' her one day and she slammed the door shut behind her to escape - on his paw. Ended up with me jammed behind the sofa, phone between my ear and shoulder, talking to the vet and trying to check over a traumatised kitten for broken bones. With a VERY chastened DD hovering behind me. He was fine though, and they have both grown up into very tolerant cats.

I am being all neighbourly today. My neighbour, in an unprecedent attack of ditsiness, got a chicken out to defrost having forgotten she doesn't have an oven at the moment (kitchen is being rebuilt). So I am cooking her chicken and roasties for her.

They smell LUSH.

Oh, Serpent (aha, I know who you are now, from your profile pics) - I finished reading A Hatful of Sky to DD about a week ago. I love Terry Pratchett's ideas etc, but have never got on with him as a writer somehow, but I'm enjoying this series. Some of the writing is really beautiful ... and doing the voices of the Nac Mac Feegle is my favourite thing EVER.

Is the kettle on. Its drear night here. I could do with a thick and fluffy hot choc. Mayeb with Marshmellows on top and a biscuit to dunk.

We had shark infested custard for pudding tonight. triangle shaped biscuits in custard.

I agree about Terry Pratchett - I love the writing but the stories can be a bit tedious for me - others probably connect with them. The Tiffany Aching ones are the only ones which I actually quite enjoy. Some of the ideas he has are so interesting that I just like to stop and think about them for a while.

DCMB - I saw you recently in a very old thread about plastic tablecloths. Apparently you, me and Maud are the only ones who don't think that they are unbearably naff. I wasn't even on MN - I was trying to find a plastic tablecloth.

I have realised, suddenly, that with AP's diagnosis, that I am now a carer. I need to 'look after myself' and 'make time for other people' (ie Wriggle). It's a huge change from just being friends/relations with AP, to realising that I have to have time away from her, or I get snappy and difficult and awful with both AP and WRiggle and DH gets angry with me .... I think this could be the hardest mental change to make.

Am still trying to think of an Adventure to have on Thursday 30th, with Wriggle. Normally my time for me and Wriggle or even just me is minutes - I want a whole day. It was going to be the zoo trip, but that will no doubt happen some time in the future. Wondering about a zoo trip on our own - not quite so much fun without a grown-up to chat to, but maybe that is the way to go. Adventure park etc would involve me having to go on slides with her ; zoo means we can look at animals together.

We need a [bleugh] emoticon.

AandO - we have a siberian cat (take a look at the lazy thing www.flickr.com/photos/64287447@N03/!) DD was 3.5 when we got him and most definitely it couldn't have been any younger and it would have certainly done no harm whatsoever to wait a couple of years. Kitten claws are incredibly sharp and they scratch just climbing onto you for a cuddle. I would say from what you have described, I'd wait a little longer but if you do decide to go for it, I cannot recommend Siberians highly enough. DH not a cat person and yet he has completely fallen for ours. He is very dog like tbh and so easy to look after.

::Waves at Mindy::
::Puts kettle on and puts an open box of chocs and biscuits on the bar even though it's only Monday::

Mindy - I'm afraid I have no experience of dogs. I would love to have one (in my dreams it's a St Bernard or a Newfoundland - eek) but working makes it totally impractical and not very kind on the dog. The dog walking idea is a good one though and I'm sure someone would really appreciate it.

AandO - I don't think there is a right answer - only what works at the time. I have occasionally had to carry Small Bean back to the car screaming but he is too heavy to do it very often. If he starts having a meltdown now I tend to try and find a quiet corner and let him get it out of his system. Distraction sometimes works...

Bah humbug to MIL though - yes, of course we should always just give in for an easy life .

CMOT/Maud - no advice I'm afraid but hope all is ok.

UniS - can I have a bowl of shark infested custard? (Not sure there is an emoticon for that). Will be stealing idea for tomorrow's pudding

Is the zoo meet-up definitely off? I asked elsewhere and didn't get much of an answer.

Serpent - I don't remember the thread, but I'm afraid that I do think that the flimsy plastic tablecloth of the sort sold from a huge roll in French supermarkets is tres tres naff. However, I am a big fan of oilcloth tablecloths (ie plastic-coated fabric) and have them permanently on the kitchen and dining room tables. In fact, I was thinking the other day that I'm a bit fed up with the dining room one and may go in search of something new. I normally buy it by the metre from John Lewis but there are often lots on Ebay.

I think the zoo meeting is off. I know Tea is not going.

AandO; I think that children have to learn how to treat pets. If LittleO isn't used to them, he just doesn't know how to behave. I'm sure he'd learn, with your help. I would suggest puppy/kitten and lots of supervision, not adult dog/cat which might bite and get itself into trouble. Think how rough young animals are with each other. (Realise that I will now have to name change and hide in case anyone from any pet-loving topic sees this.)

I don't know about tantrums; we have been spared too many so far - I'm sure it will come. I try not to say 'no' too much, but to say 'Yes, when ....' Ie 'Yes you can have a biscuit when you have eaten your lunch', 'You can watch a DVD when it's evening,' 'You can have a Barbie when you are old enough to earn your own money and buy it for yourself.' I have a friend who feels that she needs to say 'no' to help her child learn to cope with the emotion; we'll see how the two children turn out. Probably equally wellbalanced/screwed up.

Aha. That was what I suspected, so it's good to have it confirmed.

Girl has always - from birth - had the ability to get very, very angry and vocal, but we've never had the sort of rolling on the floor, lashing-out tantrum. I doubt it's anything that parents do or don't do, it's just (I think) to do with the personality of the child and how they find an outlet for their feelings.

anyone?

Maud; were you going?

It's on a school day.

Inspired by UniS's pudding I have just attempted to tell DD the joke.

Me: What's yellow and dangerous?
DD: ???
Me: It's a joke.
DD: Oh! Er ... a lion?
Me: Shark infested custard!
DD: What's that?
Me: Custard with sharks in.
DD: What's yellow and what?
Me: Dangerous.
DD: giggles (in a nervous 'go away mad lady, haven't you noticed it's bedtime?' manner, rather than at the hilarious joke)

Maud, it must have been oilclothes we approved of. I have an oilcloth after all, and no plastic tablecloths.

I do hate it when I try to research stuff online and end up with links to MN - if I wanted an MN opinion I'd have gone straight here! it's even worse when I'm on the thread in question ...

I love Boris the cat. Would he like his belly rubbing? One of my cats enjoys that, while the other one tarts about waving his belly in the air, then clamps onto you with teeth and claws should you have the temerity to rub it.

I was planning to go (depending on the timings),, At the very least I would have come from an hour or two, but that was assuming that Girl would be in school and now I'm waiting to hear whether the school will be open that day. (So, no, I wouldn't have taken her out of school for the day, if that was your unspoken question!)

No unsoken question! Had forgotten about the strike. Right, zoo trip is back on.

We are also staking our place on the zoo trip!

Scout, weren't you also a contender at some point? How viable is that now? Date is now June 30th I think - correct me if I'm wrong Serpent.

Don't call me baby - that too is boris' preferred response to well meaning belly rub! Trying put the mumsnet app tonight but a bit useless for the tea room. Scrolling through all the pages is rather .

Serpent - That sounds really stressful. Is there noone who can stay with AP and give you some time for yourself? I don't know anything about it but does she qualify for some kind of home help type thing or not since presumably she lives with you?

Unis -I will try the fireman lift. I used the under the arm like a roll of carpet lift the other day!

He is 4, and will be 5 in October. He has always hit out, it's been an ongoing worry for me. He and his cousin had been on the bouncy castle for ages and then went to a storytime, his cousin was eager to see the cows so after story time I said to LittleO 'we're going to see the cows now', he said he wanted to go back on the bouncy castle, and so I said, 'ok, you can go on the bouncy castle again after we've seen the cows'. This is the point at which he had the meltdown, all kicking and screaming and throwing himself to the ground. The thing is that really it's not that big a deal if we stay bouncing or not to me, but when he instantly reacts to a plan with a meltdown I then feel I can't say 'oh ok we'll just bounce again' without him thinking that screaming etc gets him what he wants. So I often find myself needing to hold firm on issues that I realy don't care about, because he goes into instant meltdown. It was after 15 mins of this that he suddenly said 'give me icecream'. The way he spoke to me and the fact that he'd been hitting etc at the time made me say no straight away.

There is a zoo trip? Not that I'm in the right country anyway !

Mindy- I looked at the link, he is lovely! If we did get a cat we'd get a kitten from family or friends - there are nine kittens looking for homes at my mil house and a close friends house!