How do you explain that there isn't going to be another baby

[suzikettles]

Ds has just turned 4 and apart from the occasional "I want a brother", hasn't really mentioned siblings. He's perfectly happy.

Anyway, we'd love to have another baby and are actively trying, but it's been a long while, I'm 38 and we've decided that we wouldn't go down the IVF etc route so if it doesn't happen then it doesn't happen.

SIL has just announced that she'd pg with their 3rd and so I explained to ds for the first time about babies in mummies' tummies/that he was getting a new cousin. He's delighted but asked when I was getting a baby in my tummy.

I just totally dodged the question. It was in front of my mum & dad and jeez what do you say? Because it isn't a definite there-won't-be-one but realistically...

My instinct is to continue to dodge. He's not really that bothered, it's just that babies are a subject of conversation in our family at the moment obviously. Anyway, any experience/ideas welcome.

DD 5 is an only who regularly asks for a sibling. I tell her that I would like to have another baby but that my tummy can't make another one. She often asks why not - and I just say that that sometimes happens. Some people can't have any babies, and sometimes they can't get another baby.

It's not the whole story - but it's the approximate truth and won't need any undoing when I tell her the rest of the story (no idea when that might be!).

Thanks Acinonyx. I think part of the problem is I'm not ready to say out loud that there won't be another baby, not even to ds to keep things simple.

But obviously it's not fair to him to say "maybe". So I said nothing and he went back to his Playmobil.

well, i can understand that you don't want a heavy handed intervention like ivf, but maybe it would be worth having a basic fertility check up? just so you know whether or not you can be definitive with your son (and for yourself, ttc is quite emotionally wearing).

our dd is nearly two, so no questions here yet, and by the time she's old enough to ask, it'll be definitive (am 41)

otherwise, i think acinonyx's explanation to her dd is all that's necessary - you could tell your son this anyway, and then, if you do conceive later, he probably would cope with the change.

good luck

When ds asked, I told him that my tummy didn't work very well when it came to making babies, and he accepted that.

Well done on not crying LL - I would have

Thanks all.

Thanks LF. I'll see how I feel if he asks again. Most of the time I'm ok about it really but yesterday with my mum & dad there with the frozen smiles it was all a bit awkward and raw.

If it was just me and him I think I can do the "you're special" thing without getting too teary

If he's not that bothered then why don't you feel that you can't just keep brushing it off?

But if you don't want to do that then why not just be honest in a child like sort of way? Why not just say that since he was born you have a poorly tummy and no more babies can grow in there or something like that? If he asks what's the matter or why it's like it I'm sure you can think of something to tell him - I know I could. He'll deal with it in his own way I'm sure and children of that age are usually so egocentric and self-absorbed I doubt he will dwell on it for long before he's moved onto the next thing.

You are understandably very sensitive to the whole thing and so are, quite naturally, assuming that your DS is too when in fact he probably isn't at all to any great extent really.

Hi,

Im new here so hope no-one minds if I ask for a little advice/support from people who may have been through similar!

Im 37 with a 3 year old.

Will start by saying that Im so happy (well most of the time lol) and priveliged to have him.

Ive got to the point where Im really feeling the urge for another child (or admitting the fact I want one to myself)

Before I had my little one I had quite a bit of trouble concieving with miscarriages along the way. I have Type 1 Diabetes and although I had a great pregnancy last time I know the dangers and Im older etc etc.

BUT, do I accept and be hapy with what ie got knowing Im lucky or do I take the chance? Can I cope with the chance of miscarriage?

Obviously anyone cant make decsions for us but just like advice/opinions.

Thanks for listening.

So sorry did not mean to add to this thread. Will start seperate! lol