Tea Room the Eighteenth - the Cricket Pavilion

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Welcome one and all to our new abode - a lovely old-fashioned Cricket Pavilion, with decks outdoors and a rather lovely Members' Bar, complete with deep-seated leather comfy chairs and any drink you care to mention.

Our outdoor amenities include the well-tended cricket pitch, kept immaculate by Mellors, our multi-purpose man; a couple of tennis courts round the back for those who prefer the Wimbledon scene; and another multi-purpose pitch (can be used for hosting Fine Lad-style rugby matches, or Little Kickers' football, or the occasional All Comers' Lacrosse Tournament.

Bishops abound, mostly snoozing in the leather armchairs; there are sundry animals around - guineapigs and bison mostly - and of course the Naked Mohawk Babies, fetchingly attired in cricket whites (most unusual for them!)

The cricket pavilion tea room is open to all - those with only one child who need a safe haven predominate but having more than one child is fine - come in, have an egg'n'cress sandwich and a glass of Pimms!

*other fillings and beverages also available.

AandO - That is very sad. Mary and Thumb have already offered very wise advice - she has to leave but she needs to come to that realisation herself. I sometimes browse the relationship threads here and finds them a bit shrill.

Poster: My DH burnt the toast this morning

MN jury: He is clearly an abuser and you have to leave him.

But, in this case, the MN jury would be right. Perhaps you could steer your friend towards looking at those threads or posting there herself - there are sadly all too many women who've been in her situation. Have you a Women's Aid organisation in Ireland? Talking it through with them might help her get things in perspective.

As Mary says, I hope her marriage has not left her with low self-esteem, thinking she deserves to be in an abusive relationship.

Thanks guys. Her dh did not hit her, but was very controlling, and jealous. She basically has ended up with another version of the same guy (though one that appears very different on the outside if you know what I mean). A dinner on the table, I don't change nappies, make my own meals or packed lunch, clean the house type man. They both also believe that women should just do what men tell them to! I mean, where does she even meet these guys!! She doesn't appear to have low self esteem from it though, although she might have a warped view of men. Shes very feishty (sp?), yells back at them, so has screaming rows alot. Now dp is hitting her, she is hitting him back . Not the type to be hit and cower, she hit him back each time this has happened, and told him to never touch her again. This is obv not good either. I'm very worried about the children. They are lovely kids.

I have done the 'leave him' thing with her though. We have been friends since we were 14, and are very 'tell it like it is' type friends.

Sorry, just needed to off load really. She said to me 'don't go to India, what will I do without you!'. I feel awful to be going away during this time. Although for the past 5 years I have lived four hours away from her anyway.

AandO, eek. I worked in DV for many years with the main charities and co-wrote one of the national policies on it, so I know a little about this. I'd be very worried about the children too, because the minute that the mum has started hitting back, she's potentially putting her future with them at risk. Abusive partners record every bad word, thought and action and the courts are getting tough on any parent who hits someone else, unless it is in defence of their life or their children's lives. She could find it very, very hard to persuade a court to take her case seriously if she uses violence back.

Children are very, very affected by violence and abuse at home. Most end up being badly hit by a parent in such situations, often without the other parent even realising or knowing.

She needs to take excellent advice from the DV charities, certainly.

And you need to be absolutely sure that you do not wade in there to rescue her by putting yourself in danger. Be a good listener, but be careful. I tried to help one family and ended up being stalked and threatened for two years by the dh and his mates in the most terrifying ways - it was possibly the worst two years of my life. Stay safe. And do all you can to ensure those children are safe too.

But, as you may realise, the point at which women leave a dangerously violent partner is actually the point of most danger. That's the point where women can and do get killed, so staying can make a lot of sense in the short term.

Poster: My DH burnt the toast this morning

MN jury: He is clearly an abuser and you have to leave him.

Small, that made me my tea up my nose :o.

AandO, I have no practical advice to give that hasn't been given above. Good luck to your friend.

Have just dropped Jackbaby off at nursery (daycare). It's his second Monday there and hopefully he'll have as much fun as he did last Monday... although the fun was interspersed with a few tears and melt-downs. When I reminded him that he was going to L's this morning, he cried and said he didn't want to go. And when we got there he clung to me like a little monkey :(. But within minutes he was also sat on the couch with the two older boys watching over their shoulder as they were playing with their Nintendos. Sigh. It's probably harder on me...

So DH came home last night and I asked him about my former friend being his FB friend and he said she'd been for years - so obviously long before I was on FB and long before our friendship dissolved. I said it had given me a start to see her post on his status. He asked if it was ok that she was his FB friend or did I mind? I said very honestly that yes, it did bother me. However, with one thing and another (Jackbaby climbing all over DH, and my parents being around) the subject was dropped and not raised again.
I guess I'll just leave it. Maybe he'll bring it up again. Maybe not. I just feel I can't ask him to delete her. Sh*t. :(

JBM - I think the fact that JBspapa was perceptive enough to ask whether it bothered you is a Very Good Sign. Wait and see whether it crops up in conversation again.

And I wasn't meaning to disparage the threads about DV - it's just that I've noticed that some posters say "leave him" however serious or trivial his misdemeanour is.

I've just met Pagwatch on the thread discussing whether threads like this should be shuffled off into Quiche Corner. She was one of our first customers and I've been begging inviting her to drop in again - if she does, do please ply her with drink and food.

Tea and a slice of lemon drizzle cake, anyone?

AandO, I, too, cannot offer anything that hasn't already been said. What I will add, however, is that you a great friend for standing by her, lending her your shoulder when she needs it, and listening to her talk it all through. Just please don't put yourself in harm's way -- when your friend is ready she will go.

HubbyScout working from home again today. However, today, when he knew that I wanted to go into town for errands but was constrained by BabyScout's sleeping, he said why didn't I go when I put BabyScout in his cot and he'd be home. BabyScout wasn't even asleep and HubbyScout said "Are you going to go into town now? Why don't you stay in town and have a hot chocolate?" (Knowing don't like coffee, my drink of choice at coffee shops is hot chocolate with extra cream. ) WAHOO!!! 'Twas very nice to go into town, drop off my donations to the charity shop (so much easier to carry when not pushing a baby!), pick up prescriptions and chat with a friend who works in Boots, etc. Didn't stay for a hot chocolate (didn't honestly fancy one) but wandered around the shops for a few minutes, babyfree.

Babies are very delightful and scrumptious things but, oh, the joy of a little time without one! Oddly, the first time I went out without SmallGirl was a momentous event at the time but now I can't remember it at all.

Small, I totally know you weren't disparaging the DV threads. I just loved what you wrote :o I like starting my days with a good

I have just fallen into two free hours this afternoon, between finishing work at 2:30 pm and picking up JB at 5 pm. :) Stupidly, I have no idea what to do with myself [loser emoticon]. My parents are toodling off to the Museum of Anthropology at University of British Columbia today, so I have no idea if they'd be home or not. the thought of going home and having a nap appeals, if they were going to be out, as I slept like crap last night. Otherwise, I suppose I could... what? I don't know. Silly, isn't it.

Yes, JBM. Perhaps I was being defensive - I just didn't want someone to come on the thread and shout at me for trivialising DV. In your shoes, I'd go into town and mooch round the shops before going for a hot chocolate!

Just read back - what is "quiche corner"??

There's a thread in site stuff about whether all the so-called quiche (clique) threads should be clustered together in a Quiche Corner topic so that people who are bothered by them cluttering up Active Convos can hide the whole topic. Anyway ...

Sun is over the yard arm here so I opening the Bolly. I'm then going over to twi-sluts (also named as a quiche) to ask them why they're obsessed by such utter drivel. They said they'd make me welcome. If I'm not back soon, call for help.

Small? Are you back?

Mellors - get the stake, holy water, and an axe, we need to rescue Small...

Whew, glad you're safe, Small!

:o

Did you post on the Twi-Sluts thread? If yes I'm going over there - this I must read :o :o

Ooh, lovely, a cricket pavillion. Wriggle's pre-school is in a cricket pavillion and is lovely; very outdoorsy, very cold and very tasteful wood-toys-and-mud-play. I love it. I hope it will soon be surrounded by crisp autumn leaves.

Am feeling a bit sorry for myself phyically at the moment; I feel off a chair a couple of weeks ago while trying to hide some junk on a high shelf, the chair fell over and my leg came down on the edge of the seat, bursting a blood vessel. Such a silly thing and it will apparently take months to heal - there is a lump about the size of a grapefruit on my calf which itches and aches and wakes me up at night. And the phlebitis higher up in my leg aches much more now, and I stupidly took two ibruprofen for it this morning on an empty stomach and now my stomach hurst very much. Not happy and the root cause is too much tidying up.

What is Twi-Sluts?

fell and hurts, obviously. Have lost the tool bar with the little tick icon which had the spell checker on it. Comes of too much whingeing.

Serpent, have you tried alternating ice and heat on your bruised lump? It sounds very basic but can work like a charm. Doesn't matter which you start with, but alternate them every five to ten minutes, for however long you have time patience. Five minutes ice pack/ ice cubes/ frozen corn, five minutes heating pad/hot water bottle/hot wet flannel (whatever you have). The heat opens up your blood vessels and encourages circulation, and helps to carry away all the waste products as the blood clot (the lump you're feeling) breaks down. Ice constricts blood vessels and prevents too much swelling. Alternating back and forth between the two creates a sort of pumping action within the tissues that helps break down the blood clot faster and helps heal the injured tissues. Seems really basic but works amazingly well.

Twi-sluts is, I think, the thread started by lovers of the Twilight books, the vampire series. Or, I should say, not so much the books as perhaps the actors who portray the characters in them :o

unis wandering in loking damp , bearing a slightly salt stained Aspidistra pot. Someone had left in on teh beach. Just as well i swung by teh beach hut before coming over here.

JBsmama - have never heard of it, but will definitely try it, maybe in the evening in front of a good Agatha Christie! Seems to make sense and it seems a bit much that the doctor told me that the blood clot would be there for months and indeed may never go.

Thanks for the tip.

Good night all.

Thank you, Mellors.

Well, the twi-sluts ladies are, ahem, very welcoming and very forthright. It would seem that the purpose of the thread is to ogle extremely young men review Twilight-inspired creative writing. And to link to rather racy Youtube clips.

I have an uncomfortable feeling that this might be how it feels to wander into the tea room for the first time - lots of incomprehensible chat and references which fly over one's head. But two newbies arrived this evening (pulled in by the same thread as I was, I guess) who obviously understood, for example, why a Twilight obsessive would want to go to Barnes in South London, so clearly I'm just an old fogey.

I have invited them all here to meet Mellors.

I am so glad to see that UniS has rescued the biggest aspidistra in the world.

Serpent - Would rubbing arnica in also help to reduce the swelling? (Thumb and JBM will tell me if this is completely rubbish advice, I trust).

Night all. I'm going to bed with a good book not Twilight.

Unis has not read Twilight. Should one?? Unis does like stookie stackhouse books and Harper connely.
Unis took boy to Science mueseum today- his favourite thing/ teh spacemans pants and the ( see how its works) model toilet ( with poo).

its a long walk from mueseums to Diana Playground.