Going from one to five in one foul swoop

[sunshinerainbow]

I am an only child and my son is an only child too. It has been just me and him for 8 years and he is now 12 years old.

2 years ago, met DP, recently moved in with him. He has 4 children who have contact of on average 2/3 nights per week.

I feel that I'm really struggling to adapt to the change. I have posted a bit on the step parent board and a few people have said I am being a bit "precious" with my son because I desperately miss the "one to one" time I had with him. I do get some evenings with him on our own but I never get any days with him anymore. DP and ex can't agree to set days in the holidays, so we never know when the kids are coming, so I can't even get a day in the holidays with DS as I work and can't book a day off at the very last minute.

DS says he does miss the time we had, just the two of us but I also know that he is very happy with his new brothers and sisters to be, being around. It also means I don't get constant demands for attention from DS, which is all for the good.

I suppose I just wanted to post something on here to see if parents of "only's" can understand how I'm feeling?

I don't think DP "gets it" at all because he has 4 children and very rarely gets "one to one" time with any of them.

wow, thats quite a change. and a steep learning curve. I can see why you find it all a bit " odd" and disconcerting.

Is there any milage in DP trying to get more " notice" of his childrens arrival in the holiday? what happens if your out or its your work day?

DP can generally juggle his work hours to have the kids. I can't. His ex just wants a free babysitter most of the time and DP just wants to see his kids, so juggles everything around.

I really want to have time with DS on his own. I'm with all the children at the weekends so it would be nice if I could have just one day every 6 weeks where we could do something nice.

DP has told me that having DS here all the time is the same as having his 4 here 3 days per week. But I'm not sure about that, as the dynamics of having one child is very different. although one will probably demand more attention from you, as they want you to be their playmate, 5 kids create a lot more practical work obviously and also when they do all want your attention, spreading yourself between 5 is difficult and it is this part that I am finding really hard because I feel I'm not giving anyone the best of me.

Any milage in signing your DS up for something at weekends or an early evening ( swim schol maybe) that would excuse the two of you for an hour or two to do HIS thing and have a cuppa and cake/ go to playground/ tea at cafe on way home.?

UniS,

Yes, DS has just started going to a club on the Friday evening. Not enough time to do anything on the way home but I do stay and watch him which is nice.

Good luck Sunshine. I hope things work out for you and DS. Enjoy the time you do get together, I guess as he gets older that will become less anyway regardless of sibling numbers.

I'm a single parent of a DD 12 - its been the two of us always - I'd find it very difficult to adjust too - but would still want it - good luck hope it works out!