We are at a cross-roads at the moment.
My husband was just diagnosed with a chronic illness that means he will need to start taking a low dose of a chemo drug, and if it works for him he will be on it for life or until they find something better/a cure! It is unknown what effects this drug can have on babies born to males taking it - any caution is merely theoretical, but the NHS advise against it. We probably wouldn't choose to risk it or go against their advice even though all the research I have done suggests it would be fine and we'd be heavily monitored. If I felt strongly enough about having another baby, I'd probably go ahead!
He won't start the medication until the new year at some time. At the start of October, when my daughter was 17 months old, I went back and had my mirena fitted. In a flux, at the end of October when he was diagnosed, I decided to have the coil removed (it was done 15th Nov) and my fertility returned straight away and we started trying.
Before all of this happened, we thought we'd wait til our daughter was about 3 to think about trying again (although until she was 6 months old I was intensely broody- hormones!). We had that luxury but now we don't, so under pressure we had to just decide now and it was a case of 'I don't exactly WANT a baby now, but I feel I probably will in the future because I always did see myself with more than one, so we HAVE to go for it now while we have the chance.' We got our heads down and got on with what we had to do.
However, now the anxiety and uncertainty has blown over (and I have done more research so know the option could still be there anyway), we have realised we probably don't even want another. In part, the thought we WOULD want another at some point, is driven by society - well everyone does, don't they?! It's the done thing, isn't it? 2.4 children is the norm, isn't it?! I had morning sickness and SPD in my pregnancy, but it was also a time when I felt incredibly special and I enjoyed it (although said I didn't at the time) - when it was over I grieved! I had a long, eventful labour but the birth was fine and I didn't need assistance and had no damage to myself - out walking the next day! BUT I breastfed for 16 months and would see that as the absolute minimum I'd want to do for any baby - I actually wanted to do it longer with my DD but she wasn't bothered and it was a good time to stop for both of us. She slept OK, with the odd blip here and there, but it was by no means ideal or conducive to a happy home to have a small baby waking every few hours and then every half hour from 4am onwards, often sharing my bed! All the devt milestones - physical ones, weaning etc... they just took so much energy for all of us and they were fun sure, but they were a chore! I couldn't really do much on my own while she was under about 8/9 months old and feeding a lot from me (and it didn't feel right leaving her); we left her for the first time overnight when she was 14 months old, and that was a wrench! I was at home with her til she was 1, then went back part time and now work from home, and I want to go back OUT to work at some point, which I wouldn't see myself doing while I have children under 3/4 at home. In the last 2 months I have started to spend days away on my own, do things with my husband without my daughter in tow - it's so easy to find very very willing babysitters in family, grandparents, friends etc when you only have one child, but my mother in law has already expressed that WHEN we have another she wouldn't be as keen, and why would she? It would be a nightmare for her! If I got pregnant again now, I wouldn't reach this point again for another couple of years, and then I'd have 2 children and doing anything on my own or as a couple, would just be a total nightmare to organise.
I am one of three - there is always a favourite as far as I've witnessed and experienced myself; one child always misses out on something. More than one brings higher costs, less time for each child, less time for the parents themselves, less resources to go round for each member of the household. Holidays become more of a logistical nightmare. Right now, our family is perfect - we have a beautiful, funny, sweet, loving 19 month old DD who is full of life, shrowded with love and spoilt rotten. Like some others, I've got the 'been there done that' feeling, and wonder what doing it all again would bring to my life apart from the strain of providing for another being to the same level as I provide for the DD I already have. I love the lifestyle we have, and we never know what's round the corner financially. We also keep horses and there's not a chance we'd be able to afford for two children to partake in that hobby with us - we'd either have to give it up completely or continue with horses and they are just spectators which will be no fun for them! I want the daughter I have to enjoy a range of hobbies and interests, restricted by nothing but the amount of days in the week to fit them all in!
BUT what if I change my mind and it's too late?!