Settling in at nursery

[aligriff]

My son has been going to nursery for 6 weeks now. He is 12 months and goes for two days per week. Initially I thought he was settling in ok, i.e. crying less and less each time he went, but I feel like there hasn't been much improvement for the last three weeks. I ring twice a day and I seem to get a standard response which usually goes along the lines of 'we've had a few tears but he has been ok/playing'.

He is not usually crying when I pick him up and the staff say he is settling in ok, but say he has cried during the day. When we bring him home he seems more subdued than normal and more crotchety (this could be associated with the fact he doesn't get as much sleep there as he does at home).

I just feel worried and a bit powerless. How long should it take for a baby to settle in at nursery?

I used to work in a nursery and found that children who went full time settled in much quicker.It was normal for one who went for 2 or 3 days to take longer to settle in but they did eventually.If a child was having difficulty settling in they would have one nursery nurse who would spend the whole day with them giving them extra attention while still doing all the other jobs.For example I would maybe sit them on my knee more or carry them and give them extra fuss.Your DS needs to bond with one person first.The nursery should do this for your DS.We also let the children stick to the nap routine that the parents had at home as being tired can make the children feel worse.It is possible to do the job while carrying one child and giving them the extra security they need it is quite common to nursery nurses so tell nursery your worries and any good nursey will give your DS the extra attention he needs.I have done this many times and after about a week the children were off playing happily only coming back when they were tired or had a bump,happy that they Knew there.

happy that they had someone that they knew there I mean.

thanks for your reply, maybe I should try to have another chat with them. I have tried before but they have not suggested your plan. I think it would help. I think the staff work early and late shifts so although the same people are there most of the time, some arrive mid-morning and some leave mid-afternoon. This means I never hand him over to the same person. They do keep him on their knee though, while I'm there anyway.

Regarding sleeping (I've posted on here before about the sleep situ!) they don't have cots or a dark area. I've explained his sleep routine and I think they try to stick to it but he is used to going in a cot in a dark, quiet room. Sometimes he has a decent amount of sleep there.

In your experience will it take for him to settle and actually get some enjoyment out of it? I' wondering if we have chosen the right place for him but I don't want to be too hasty and make it worse for him but taking him somewhere different?

sorry mean't to say, 'in your experience how long will it take for him to settle ...'

By the way, I don't think he is distraught while he is there - he doesn't come home with really red eyes.

There is another boy there who always seems to be sobbing uncontrollably, he is often just sitting on the floor on his own. A NN has come and picked him up after a couple of minutes of me being there but it makes me wonder whether this is just for my benefit. There have been a couple of times when I have felt like picking him up myself. (although would never do this)

This all adds to my anxieties as I wonder if there are times when other mums go to pick up and my son behaves like this. Alternatively I could just be being silly and going over the top about something which is just a normal developmental stage?

Maybe think in terms of your DS has been at nursery for 12 days not 6 weeks IYSWIM.So it is still early days.I am thinking would it help if you cut down on his naps on the days he is at home or had an earlier bedtime?
Every child is different when settling in but they all do it in the end.Reading picture books about nursery,talking about the staff and nursery positively to him ,taking a teddy or favourite toy in,or dummy if he has one all help.I would also sit and draw pictures with him of nursery,draw on the staff and some of his friends and use that to talk about the routine.Let him scribble or draw on it too.This is a good way for him to understand the changes happening and is also useful to find out his likes and dislikes.Also don't linger or let him see you are worried when saying goodbye or make too much fuss when picking him up until he has settled in.
It is normal development to feel seperation anxiety at 12 mths.The method I explained before just makes it easier and quicker to settle in but your DS will settle.I saw a lot of part time children take 3 or 4 months think in days though! to get through a day without crying but it is usually just a quick cry from tiredness or someone taking a toy the majority of the time they were having fun and very happy.I think he is probably already enjoying some of the time there now and when he grows out of needing a nap will be fine.Good luck

Thank you for your reply - only just come back on to mn. Will try all your suggestions. I think there has actually been an improvement in the last week, he didn't cry when being dropped off today, and apparently not much crying today. He seems to have got used to the staff and recognises them.
thanks again.