nursery settling in difficulties-reassurance needed!!

[Arti]

Dear Mumsnetters

Just looking for some reassuring words from those more experienced. My DD is 2 yrs 10mths and is almost at the end of her 2 wk settling in period for nursery. It started off really well, but the last few days has been so upset when I come to pick her up, and she is so adament she does not want to go back. She apparantly has a good time while there and is quite settled, but misses me intermittently and then works herself into a frenzy. I know this is really natural and that she will settle down soon once she gets used to a new routine. But that doesn't stop me feeling so upset, sad and guilty that she is having to go through this. She was just so quiet and miserable this afternoon when I picked her up, She is my only child, so has had all my attention from day 1 which is propably making it harder for her to adapt now. I suppose really what I need is to be told this will be ok, that she will be fine and happy and that I am not a terrible mum for inflicting this on my daughter. As I type all this and re-read it I know that while it is cathartic, I sound quite pathetic so apologies!!

I think it often starts off well, and then children stop wanting to go once they realise it's a permanent arrangement!

So long as she's happy most of the time she's there then you know it's not a problem with the nursery. It will get better. Is she there full time?

Thanks Missus84. She will be there 3 days a week, with one of those days being 9-6 and the others 9-3. I really really hope things improve-I know I need to ride it out as it is early days. Is there anything I can do while she is at home to make it easier and help her adapt better?

Does she have any kind of comforter you can give her, i work in a 2-3 room in a nursery and i know that these can be a hard age to settle. At our nursery we encourage parents to bring any kind of comforter, this can be anything from cars/planes/dolls/muslin/dummies, e.t.c each child has their own draw and peg once said toy is dropped and forgotten about we put in/on there.

Can you give her a muslin that smells of you, or let her choose something she can take to nursery.

How vocal is she, it is important to explain that mummy is going to work and dd is going to nursery but mummy will always come back, parent who say that they are going to the toliet, or just popping to the car, and then leave for the day can be very confusing for the child and then the child can become unwilling to be left for many more weeks.

Make sure when you leave, you have a set morning routine and then leave, don't drag it out, its so not let her think that you may be staying. e.g at my nursery we have a self registration board, children come in take their coats off, maybe go to the toliet, (if potty trained) sign themselves in, and then go to play or i take them off the parent.

Can you take her to any kind of creche, play centre, let her get use to being with other people, other children, in a sense let her learn 'the rules of the playground'

Does she spend anytime with any other relations?

You could talk about all the fun things that she can do at nursery, e.g large scale painting, a climbing frame, sand play, the homecorner??

hth

Hello,
I think this is pretty common when they just start. It certainly was like that with our daughter who started nursery when she was 2 1/2, six months ago.
She did to begin with take a "friend" with her, one of her soft toys so instead of thinking about how she is going to nursery (which she didn't want to at the time) her thoughts turned into which one of her friends she will take with her on a particular day.
She goes two days a week still.
All I can say is that at the start I found it very hard to look at her sad little face with tears quietly rolling down. But about 3-4 weeks later she started getting really excited about it and is loving it now!
Hang in there and it will be fine. If you like the nursery and think that they are good then stick with it and it will be fine.

thanks for your really helpful replies.

Cookielove, we have tried alot of your suggestions over the last few mths -and I think they probably have helped but she still seems so traumatised by the whole nursery experience-today was the last day of the "settling in " period and she was tearful on and off, asking for mum. We have a 5 day long break till she starts back on Wed. I did have a chat with the nursery team and as per andagain's comments, I will see how things go over the next 3-4 wks. If she settles, great, but if not, I wil re-think her sessions at that point. Thanks again! Arti

Arti - you're not pathetic! My DD is 3.2 years old. Her previous playgroup closed down (she'd been going there for about 7 months) and she started at a new nursery last month for three mornings per week. Last week and today she was crying all the way saying that she wants to go home and doesn't want to go to nursery I tried to be cheerful and tomorrow I'll try letting her bring in a toy and see how that goes.