Almost 3 y/o still upset at nursery drop off

[BlueBumedFly]

After 2 years of the same nursery my dd still cries most days when I leave. I try to leave as swiftly as possible, she loves it there I know as when I arrive to collect she is full of stories of the day big smiles and I cannot get her out.

We have a room change next week to the 3-5 room - will she ever stop crying? Any tips other than consistent swift drop offs?

She is not good at being left generally even with daddy or grandma. Bedtime is a challenge, very good pretty much till lights out the the crying ensues again. She does the leg kicking panicky breathing no matter if i have done 1 cuddle/kiss or 101. She has music for a few minutes and has recently given up her night light by her own volition.

Any clues as to how to 'brave' her up a bit?

Little advice, only sympathies, I had this for 2 years with DS1, too . What made it easier was switching nurseries -- the new place didn't have the entrenched negative associations, I suspect.

I had thought of that but her beloved best friend is in the same class and I really do like the place ... As does she ironically!!

My dd is the same (she's 3.2 now) though we go through a week or so where there is no crying, then it starts again

I spoke to someone I know who is a child psychologist, to see if it was normal and if it meant something was not good with nursery (even though like you, I could tell she loved it there, she is always happy when I pick her up, talks about it all the time and has lots of friends). My friend said some children are like this, that if the crying stops soon after you and she is happy the rest of the time then it is just that she reacts like this to separation from you and might do so for a while. Which is very upsetting for the parent but at least you know that she is okay.

Sometimes it helps if I tell/remind dd that she has something important/interesting to tell a member of staff. She can then go in with a task in mind which dilutes the "no no no don't go mummy" a bit but even that doesn't work. The staff are very good at just instantly distracting her with a task or activity and being very matter of fact about it as sympathy/endless goodbye cuddles etc never helped.

Nokily - thank you, I feel a bit better after reading your post. I like the idea of a message for sure.

DD hates being picked up by the staff when I am trying to leave, I have told them this many times and I know they are trying to help but she just feels crowded into a situation I think. The next class (Monday!!) is more independent and the teacher has told me they don't do this, they like to kids to come in on their own volition and find a toy/friend to play with but knowing the teachers (6) are there for cuddles if requested by the child.

I have tried sending her with a different stuffed toy every day to 'show' the carer which can work so will keep trying. Will also try to task/message idea, sounds like a good plan!

Many thanks for posting.

My ds(2.5) was doing this, despite, as you say, seeming happy enough when he was actually there!

He is a contrary little bugger, so I think he does it for the reaction. Now our nursery day routine starts in the car, when he tells me categorically, "I am NOT going to nursery!" I have to pretend to considerthis, then say, "OK, you can come to work with me. It will be great- you can sit in a cage (disclaimer, I am a vet ) and then I won't have to miss you and be jealous of all the fun stuff you might be doing at nursery without me- like playing with the dinosaurs, and eating snacks" He scowls. "I don't WANT to sit in a cage!" Me: "Why not? It will be fun having you there. And now you come to mention it, I can't really be bothered driving to the nursery. say you'll come!"
Him: "NO! I want to go to NURSERY!"
Me: "No, no- come with me!"
Him: "NO! I WANT TO GO TO NURSERY!"
Me: "Oh, (sigh) OK then"

When we get to the nursery I then have to pick him up and pretend I don't want to let him go, so that he starts giggling and struggling to get away from me. I then have to chase him round the room to get a kiss, by which point he is giggling, and I am free to go without tears!

The staff look at me like I am mad, but I hate that having them prising him off me thing. it just feels horrible. Little terror llikes to feel it was all his decision and that I am going away weeping and missing him!

Now, this is probably something that would only work with my incredibly thrawn ds, but maybe you could adapt it in some way?

Jooly that is hilarious! I am going to try a new tack for sure, I cannot bare them having to almost drag her off me. It seems the earlier I get there the better before the room is too crowded but if I'm there first that is wrong too.

I like the reverse phychology idea also giving her a task to tell someone about.

Resigned to having a clingy child, guess I am being selfish not to want to have to handle that dreadful feeling ever day as I drive off.