tips for preparing a child for pre-school please

[GoldenSnitch]

DS turned 3 a couple of weeks ago. After Easter, he starts pre-school. He'll be going 2 mornings a week at first with a view to adding more days when he's settled.

I'm a bit worried about how he's going to cope with it though.

We've been amazingly lucky so far that I've only twice had to leave him with someone he wasn't related to - and then it was a close friend of mine that he's known since he was a few months old. He's never been left with strangers before.

We went for a trial hour at the pre-school a couple of weeks ago and after a slow start where he clung to my legs and refused to make eye contact with anyone, he xsettled in a little, even went off hand in hand with his key worker but he never stopped looking to check I was still there.

We went again last week to pick up his school jumper and he again, clung to me and refused to make eye contect with anyone, even his keyworker who he'd liked so much on the previous trip and that's what's made me worried.

We're not due to visit again before he starts. When we were there for our trial hour, I asked about leaving him and they seemed to think I should just drop him off and go on that first day - but I'm not sure I can, not if he's clingy and scared again.

I know he'd probably calm down and be OK after a while but I can't get out of my head that for those few minutes he'll be thinking "she's left me. I don't know anyone, I'm scared and she's left me. Is she coming back?" I don't want to do that to my baby!

I've been taking him to the attatched toddler group for a few months so he's played with a couple of the children before but not one on one and I'm not sure he recognises them while at the pre-school.

I want him to go because I want him to get used to that sort of environment before he starts school and we've got a 3 month old DD now too who could really do with some one on one time with me. Plus, I think he would appreciate the change of scenery and the activities they do there.

How do I make this as painless as possible for both of us? Should I talk to him about being left there on his own or will that just make him more anxious beforehand? Should I ask if I can stay until he's settled on that first morning? I'd have to take DD too as she refuses to take a bottle. Would me leaving with her make things worse? It certainly wasn't offered as an option when I asked during the trial.

I'm really worried about this. Any advice would be really appreciated.

DS1 started at preschool when he was 2.9 and it took a good few weeks to settle him in (I think the first half term more or less). I started off staying with him for a few sessions, then left him for 30 minutes then gradually increased the length of time.

TBH I'm not sure me staying with him did anything but prolong the process -- when I left him he still wailed on and off for a few sessions. But he did eventually get the idea that I would always come back for him and after those first few weeks we haven't had any problems.

Also I don't know about your DS but mine definitely copes better with lots of advance warning about what's going on. So for the first few weeks I would explain in the morning that I was going to take him to playschool then give him a kiss and say goodbye, then take baby DS2 to clinic (DS1 always hated going, so insert your own place of choice that he wouldn't want to go to) then come back and pick DS1 up then home for lunch. I would repeat this a few times before dropping him off so it was fixed in his head that he would only be left for a finite time.

Thanks Meg.

When we leave him with my MIL, whatever we're doing, she tells him we're going shopping. He seems to buy this and then knows we're coming back. I was thinking I might tell him the same for pre-school as he's so comfortable with it.

I've got to at least stay until he's used to people I think.

Ooh the staff are going to hate me!

morning bump

he should be old enough so that you can explain to him what is happening.

what also might help, is that some one from your family takes him to it, he might not be as clingy with your MIL for example and warms up to play with the others quicker. once he realises that it*s a fun place to stay he will be fine.

DH has the day off work. Was supposed to be so he could have DD while I took DS but as she won't take a bottle, that plan has gone out of the window.

He's of the opinion that he'll be OK after 20 minutes though and that he has to learn that life is scary sometimes which means he'd just walk out and leave him scared and screaming!!

I'm thinking I might leave it till the morning he goes to explain I'm leaving him. I don't want him dreading going because he's scared about being left else that will make it worse.

I might not say anything at all. I'll take him, wait until he's let go of my leg and gotten involved then tell him I'm just nipping to the shop (which is next door) and will be back in a bit. He won't know if I've been gone for 5 minutes or an hour once I've left and he's gotten stuck in to playing.