Advice from Nursery Workers please!

[daisietaylor]

Unfortunately I have to go back to work after a year of mat leave... and my now 10 month old has just had his first full day after a couple of shorter trial sessions. He was fine on the trial sessions, but today they reported he has been tearful most of the day At tea time when parents were coming in to pick up their little ones he cried every time the door opened and it wasn't me, so much so that they moved all the babies into another room so mine couldn't see the door opening!

The staff have all been lovely, but they told me I shouldn't linger when I drop him off, just kiss goodbye and go... so I did this and had to walk away while he screamed bloody murder this morning. It kind of feels like I am breaking the trust and feel so bad about it. I bet I probably cried as much as him today.

I wondered if this advice is right? It feels so wrong to walk away when they are crying... does it pay off in the end? Please reassure me, I am already feeling terribly guilty for having to leave him in the first place.

It's more about being consistent. Children like stability. They have little control over their lives, so benefit from knowing what's going on even if it's not what they want. Keep your dropping off routine the same. Hang up bag, chat to staff for a minute, say good bye to child, leave. If he cries for you and you stay for 10 minutes you teach him that crying gets you to stay for 10 minute. He'll keep doing it.

He will get better, though knowing that won't help much tomorrow morning.

Aww its so hard, I sat in the Nursery car park and howled me head off on DD's first day, so I know what you are feeling.

I do agree with tiggy children thrive on routine, they have a sense of security from knowing whats happening, keep your routine the same each time, short and sweet.

Your DS will soon get the hang of it and be ok, the staff sound nice though and have tried to make things a bit easier for him at home time. When I looked after a LO who got upset with the door / people at home time, we used to go into the garden and play, look for crawly things its a good distraction and lots of fun too.

I would follow their advice - the longer you stay, the longer he will cry when you leave. 10 months can be a difficult age because of seperation anxiety - keep being consistent and he will settle. BTW the staff sound lovely and they seem to be doing all they can to settle him in

Their advice is right - the longer you linger the more worked up he'll get, and then when you do eventually leave the staff will have to calm a hysterical child rather than just an upset one.

I went back to work after a year maternity leave when DD was 10.5 mths. She used to cry everytime I left her but soon settled down once I had gone. I would leave very quickly once I got there. It didn't take her long to love nursery and now, at 22 mths, she refuses to leave when I pick her up! As long as you are happy with the nursery, your DS will be absolutely fine. Good luck.

Thank you for your advice all, its his first full (3 day) week tomorrow and I have been crying most of the weekend. my DH will usually be dropping him off so he is going to do it tomorrow too.

He hasn't slept longer than 2 hours since his full day last week and is barely eating anything. I know it is my paranoid brain that is attributing these things to the fact he is going to nursery but it isnt helping things.

How long do you think it will take him to not cry all day? I could cope with tears as we said goodbye - its the thought of him being upset all say that I can't handle.

Should I be thinking days, weeks or months?

Have already decided to give it until I finish the Summer term and if he is no happier I am going to have to find a way to stay home with him.

He should stop crying all day pretty quickly - certainly within a couple of weeks. Lots of children find the drop off really hard though and he may cry then for weeks/months/until he's 3! As long as he cheers up as soon as you're gone though I wouldn't worry about it.

If he's still crying all day after a month I'd be looking for alternative childcare though.

Thanks Missus. Good to hear some solid advice rather than the 'every child is different' line every health professional seems to rattle off.

How has he been? DD cried when I left her and when I picked her up (was usually ok when DH picked her up) for about 3 months or so but was fine during the actual day.
I do think it is much harder for us than the babies. One thing to do though is to try not to show how you are feeling in front of your DS (easier said than done, I know) as they pick up on every little thing. I know that when I am anxious, DD plays up.
I hope this week has gone well.

{{hugs}} (going through the same thing atm)
It is hard isn't it, dd cries at drop off ad pick up. I try and keep it short and sweet.
After a 2 week holiday she is now settling again it seems and refusing to eat there . I cried on the way back yesterday when they said she refused breakfast and lunch
Good advice on here though, stick to a routine. We alternate who drops her off but I think maybe we should try just one parent for a coupe of weeks and see how that goes.
here's hoping next week is better for you (well, and me!).

Hi - thanks for the support.. I honestly didnt think it would be this hard! He has started to cry when we are in the car park now. Hubby drops off as we thought that might be easier than it being me but he is in america next week so it will be me after all...

He still refuses to eat there and when he does (usually by teatime he is so hungry he eats it) he is then sick. last week he lost 10oz in a week! Slightly worrying.

Nursery staff have said he is much better in the afternoon but is tearful all morning. at the moment he loves to turn the pages of those baby board books so I told them this and the very next day they had one ready for him when we dropped him off - I was very impressed. It did seem to calm him a bit.

Hopefully next week wont be too much of a change to routine but I know it is going to be hard for me not to get upset in front of him!

Pudding - I am hoping to get to that stage where he just cries at the beginning and end of a day - if I know he is ok all day I would me much happier. Good to know it can take so long though - I wont give up hope just yet!

June - Hope you too have a better week - we certinaly found that he calmed down a bit quicker when my hubby dropped off- he isnt as clingy with him as he is with me so somehow it must be a bit easier?

hugs

daisiet (maybe not just now if he is still unsettled all day but) when they staff are saying to you he is settled a little bit more during the day try if poss to sneak up (on him not the staff!) when you are collecting him so that he doesn't spot you initially. This helped me a bundle, as even though dc howled on drop off or pick up (or worse started to pretend was asleep so wouldn't be handed over) I got to see that when I wasn't there they had actually settled and were tootling around with a toy or listening to a story etc... Helped me know it WAS going to get easier.

dd started nursery at 11months and was like velcro baby - had to be peeled off me. She screamed every morning for about 4 months, but was happy within minutes of me leaving (after about 2 weeks). Try not to worry too much and just keep talkign to the staff about how he is during the day.

DD is nwo 4 and skips in happily everyday with barely a wave goodbye but we had little lapses after holidays and if she wasnt feeling too great.

and i agree about sneaking up on him and watching him without knowing you are there, i still love to do this now - but in the beginning it proved to me that she was happy enough once she settled