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Breaking Up Is Hard To Do...

5 replies

bonitagbchica · 21/03/2010 22:28

Late last week, our son's nursery OFSTED report was brought to our attention by a neighbour across the road.

Long story, short, they got all unsatisfactory grades bar one satisfactory.
I've been in and spoke to the managers about this and they explained the reasons behind this, mostly being down to documentation and inadequate cover during both managers' overlapping maternity leaves. Although I am satisfied with their explanation, my DH won't go in and speak with them and wants to move our son to another preschool.
Background: Our daughter went to this nursery since she was 12m and our son has been there since he was about 8 months. He's now about to turn 4 and will only be there until July time.

Our daughter excelled at the preschool. She knew all her letters, shapes, colours, how to read and spell and write her name, etc etc. Our son is the exact opposite. He knows and does nothing, despite us working with him a lot more than we did with DD at home.

So long story short. We went to another couple of places on Friday last week and have taken advice from our HV, a learning mentor and headteacher at our DD's school in regards to his social wellbeing and stability in moving and have decided to move him. I need to go to work on Tuesday, so what do I say to old preschool tomorrow (Monday)? Should I put everything in a letter? This feels like breaking up with a guy you've been with for like 10 years... you know it's best for your mental health, but just can't do it, it's habit, and even still like him.

Any words of wisdom?

A. x

OP posts:
GreenMonkies · 21/03/2010 22:41

Yes, explain to me why you are moving him?

You say you have worked with him and he's not picked up his basic letters etc the way your DD did? Perhaps the problem is not with the nursery, but just that your children are different? There is no need to expect him to know all these things before he even starts Reception, not all children can read at the end of their reception year, and this is not bad, just different kids developing and learning at their own, different, pace.

My DD1 could read and write her name and several other basic words she she began reception, and by the end of her reception year she was reading easily. My friends DD (only a week older) couldn't read when she finished her reception year, and this is not bad, just different. Both girls are now 6, in year two and both read and write. No big deal.

I have also heard several teachers say that girls are already ahead of boys at this age. So it may not be the nursery that has stopped him from learning these things, but his gender!

When he's going to start school in September, and make a big move and change then any way, why inflict a move of nursery on him now too? How unsettling for him will it be to start a new nursery, stay there for 6 months then have to do it all again and resettle at school.

I think I'd just leave him where he is.

bonitagbchica · 21/03/2010 23:10

I, too, think my kids are different, and that's okay. The difference between them is one good reason to move him, as our dd is very self motivated, thinks things through, considers consequences, etc, whereas our son just wants to play, and by play I mean run and jump and he learns more through doing, exploring, taking it apart, making mistakes before thinking about them, etc.

But in my son's preschool class, there is a boy quite far on the autistic spectrum that is constantly disrupting the flow of the class... he jumps on others, dumps toys out during carpet time, which is when/where they read, do letter and number flash cards, etc. This adds to the chaos and noise, which prevents him from being able to concentrate. Also, because this child is able to display this sort of behaviour in class, the other children think they can, too and gets confused when they're asked not to. The preschool is also four rooms, a messy play in one room, a drawing/art room, a toys/home corner room, and a book area and maths table in the last room. This makes it difficult for the staff to keep an eye on all the children at once and the children often want to play in the walkway so they can keep an eye on two rooms at once, once again adding to the chaos.

The new preschool is a huuuuuuge room, with different area separated by movable low shelving and felt walls and art work and the like. There is loads of natural light in the new class. There are no "special needs" children (not that I mind, but this gives a level playing field to all the children in terms of their boundaries and their understanding of what's expected of them in terms of their behaviour).

I just need advice on how to tell the old preschool... it's just so sad.

OP posts:
stealthsquiggle · 21/03/2010 23:16

It's an interesting decision with so little time left until he starts school, but it's your decision, and you have made it.

That being so - they need notice in writing, presumably, so do that quickly so that you don't get landed with extra fees - but then just tell them that all things considered you think your DS would benefit from a different environment for a while and try not to get drawn into further discussion.

TBH, with that bad an Ofsted report (whatever the excuses reasons) you are not going to be the only ones leaving.

drinkyourmilk · 21/03/2010 23:19

In this case I would just give notice and say you feel your son needs a much more structured nursery which makes you very sad as you have loved sending both your children there, and you will miss them all terribly. 'Tis all true i think?

FWIW - re no sen children and having a 'level playing field' - I find kids accept different rules for different people at a very young age, so I'd be tempted to think that your son isn't confused by the 'chaos' - he's just an active chap who learns by doing and finds directed play/learning all a bit tedious at 4!

TiggyD · 22/03/2010 16:31

I'm not sure there's a big need to move him if there's only a few months left. As long as there is not a concern about safety.

With regards to the report, there should have been documentation and cover, but what else did ofsted say? There are lots of other areas, why did they not pass them?

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