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Tips on settling DS into nursery please? He's not doing so well, poor boy.

12 replies

MyCatIsABastard · 11/02/2010 12:19

DS started nursery in January, he is doing 2 afternoons a week. He started out fine and was doing well, but over the last 2 weeks has been struggling and I have had to collect him early.

I drop him off and he is fine and happy, but after about 20 mins he starts to get fussy and then starts to get more and more upset. Last time he was really quite upset and I collected him after an hr.

Today I am spending some time there with him before leaving, see if that helps.

I need him to go as I have to work. His sister goes to the same nursery and she is very happy (she is 4 and DS is 1 in a week).

Please give me some tips on settling him in. I hate to see my poor little boy so sad.

BTW, I am happy with the nursery and the ladies are lovely.

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BitOfFun · 11/02/2010 12:29

I think it's a very normal stage of development, although that doesn't help when you know you have to work. What do the nursery suggest? They must see it all the time and should be able to cope. Perhaps ask them not to call you to bring him home unless he is crying for a longer period of time. They really should be able to distract and settle him if they keep at it.

DreamsInBinary · 11/02/2010 12:40

Perhaps two afternoons is too little? The nursery dc's attend won't allow less than 1.5 days as they say that the less time they are in, the longer it takes to settle in.

It will get better, I'm sure. Good luck.

MyCatIsABastard · 11/02/2010 12:47

To be fair to the nursery it's me that is saying I'll come and get him (its hard not to when you can hear him crying). I think I probably do need to bit the bullet though and leave him longer even if he is upset. They have suggested that I stay a little with him this time, then leave.

He is due to go up to 3 afternoons from April (they don;'t have the space til then). He naps for a good 2.5hrs in the morning and tbh I object to paying £18 for him to sleep when he can do that for free at home.

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hellsbelles · 11/02/2010 13:02

Cat - I know it's so hard. I went through teh same with DS. It just gradually got better. What DIB mentioned made a difference for us. DS got better when he was doing 2 full days. I also found he was better (well that's what they told me!?) if I didn't stay around for too long.

Do they encourage a keyworker at your nursery? DS had one that made a real effort to bond with him and found it much easier to be left when she was there?

VinegarTits · 11/02/2010 13:11

i have to be quick as am just about to go into a meeting

Stop going to get him, let him ride it out, unless he is getting so hysterical he is making himself sick then you are pandering to him

VinegarTits · 11/02/2010 13:13

my ds2 has phases where he gets clingy, but i have to be tough and let the nursery deal with it, it gets over them quite quickly its hard though i know

SazzlesA · 11/02/2010 13:17

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PotPourri · 11/02/2010 13:22

DD1 was like this (2 days) at about the same age. The nursery were nice, I deliberately chose that nursery. Adn they were confident that she would settle in in time - but after a month of hearing her crying every time I phoned, dropped her off, collected her I got a childminder instead. She only cried the first day there, and never again. Some children just need that one to one care imo. I realise this may not work practically speaking for you - but thought I would share anyway.

If you really need to make the nursery work, I would suggest leaving him longer and giving it time. They are professionals, and if the nursery are confident they can get him to settle, then they are probably right.

MyCatIsABastard · 11/02/2010 14:21

Thanks everyone. I've dropped him off and had a chat with them. Decided not to stay as thought it would unsettle him. He screamed like a good un when I left but they've phoned to tell me he has calmed now.

He does have a keyworker and she is very kind and nice. Last week they got him playing with a cardboard box and that kept him distracted and as I left they were getting the sand and water out to play with (I think).

I've taken a teddy (a cow, in fact - maybe the heifer element reminds him of me ) that he likes to play with in his cot.

I think I have to tough it out really and as you suggest, leave him longer. It's easy to rush up and pick him up when I'm working from home but that might not always be the case.

It's the bloody guilt isn't it! My DD went through this and she loves nursery and has done from about 15mths old.

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MyCatIsABastard · 11/02/2010 15:08

Vinny re bedwetting I've kept this link here on night time wetting. My DD is 4 and is still not dry at night. She did have a few dry nights at Christmas but then seemed to stop caring and just continually wet the bed. We've stopped trying for now and will give it another when nights are lighter.

There was a thread (I'll see if I can find it) where someone asked what ages dc were dry at night if the parents just let it happen. Ages ranged from 2 to 7.

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MyCatIsABastard · 11/02/2010 15:10

Bugger, posted on wrong thread there!

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VinegarTits · 11/02/2010 18:53

lol thanks mycat

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