Proof that nurseries aren't bad!!!

[Honeymoonmummy]

Hi all,

My DD started at nursery at the start of Jan when I returned to work after 14 months. She's always been really independent but unfortunately the seperation anxiety phase has just kicked in as I return to work.

My DH is working 2 days a week and looking after her 3, and she's in nursery for 2 days a week. I'm working full time.

My DH is a half-empty kind of person and worries about things too much and is worried that my DD is being permanently emotionally scarred by being abandoned in nursery. He's said how do they know that the children aren't permanently damaged by being left in nursery. Can anyone please direct me to some scientific/ psychological evidence (preferably in layman's terms) that it DOESN'T do this (or indeed that it does!!!). I'm content to carry on and assume she'll grow out of this stage but it would put my DH's mind at rest.

Thank you!

Bump!

www.simplypsychology.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/bowlby.html Have only skimmed the article but your DH is right that being separated can affect child development, but in studies it is usually 3-5months and can recover!! I really don't think you have anything to worry about with a shift at work! Also at this stage they have usually have formed multiple attachments, your DH, other family, key workers at nursery. Studies at the bottom of that article have denied any link so you could check them out too.

Dammit I'm trying to multi task at the mo should be 3 - 5 months

I have no scientific knowledge on this but I was worried for my DD who started nursery at a similar age to yours. She screamed for me and it was horrendous. However, she is now 4 and is a happy girl, loves her nursery and importantly loves me and knows she is loved back. The anxiety only lasted about 2 months (seemed like a lot longer at the time) and then she could barely wait to go.

2 days a week is fine I think and she gets to spend time with her Daddy too.

It's hard to find the evidence but there was a fairly recent article that gave evidence that care at a good nursery had no adverse impact and gave benefits. I can only assume given that both of you are so concnered about DD that you have chosen an excellent nursery.

My DD loves hers and she's been there from 4 months. Out of the ante-natal group I was with there are seven children. She started nursery first (I'm single and had to get back to work pronto or we'd have had no money) and she's the most "socially advanced" and confdent of them all although not the eldest. She also talks a lot more and has a much wider vocabulary (but that might be because I never shut up).

Anyway, I'll see if I can find that article.

Penelope Leach has written a whole book about childcare which may give you some of what you're after:

On Amazon

I haven't read the book, but I think highly of her book Your Baby and Child so I would trust that she's done her research. HTH.

BTW, DS is in nursery 2 days a week and he gets on really well there. He's been going since he was 18 months and is now 3.5 years. No sign of any permanent damage - quite the opposite in fact.

This article linked through from the Times blog Alpha Mummy is very interesting - about part-time work and using paid-for care as opposed to grandma/neighbour:

www.res.org.uk/society/mediabriefings/pdfs/2005/feb05/gregg.pdf

Thanks, that's all very useful. She is still sobbing when we drop her off, but apparently it stops within 2 mins of us leaving her.

Her aim is to keep you there. When you leave there's no point in her crying, so she stops.

My ds did this as well, I was able to see into the room he was in after I had left the building (which took less than a minute) and he was always happily playing

Now I get a vague wave while he runs over to his favourite toys!

I agree with TiggyD.

And in a few months you'll be upset when they cry when you take them AWAY from nursery!

DS didn't mind his nursery from 8m to 18m and after that he loved it, really likes his friends, really likes the activities, really likes the outdoor play area (this was a massive advantage over childminders in our area) etc. Agree with TiggyD's posts completely.

Most of the research about impact on children of nursery care is based on children 3+ in sessional care (EPPE project) Other research suggests some issues around behaviour when children are left for long periods in full day care but there doesn't seem to be any long term research around.

Message withdrawn

Oh that's really worried me now Christiana.

I doubt that putting your toddler into a good nursery will damage her, i think the bigger issue is with your DH, if he is unfavourable about her going to nursery she will probably pick up on this, and might make things worse for her than it should be.

Either he needs to decide to take her out of nursery and arrange something more suitable, or he needs to accept and encourage your DD about going to nursery.

I personaly have chosen not to put my son into nursery, as i feel like your DH, i looked at and visited my local nurseries and wasn't happy with them so we made a budget that worked out i could stay at home until he went to school. we are all happy with this arrangement.

That is what needs to be addressed here, your husbands attitude not your DDs

Its not wrong to put her into childcare, but if he's not happy its not going to work.