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Awful Sinking Feeling ...

9 replies

MissWooWoo · 14/01/2010 16:48

... that dd is not going to settle in at nursery

Last week I was very optimistic, I stayed for both sessions in the quiet corner and she was free to come up to me as and when. The first session it was about every 5 minutes, the second session about every 10-15. Brilliant! Today has been awful. The idea was to move from the quiet corner to the kitchen so I waited until she was engaged and then told her I was just popping into the kitchen to make a tea and that I'd be back soon. Off I went, she was fine for 1 minute and then started crying "I want mummy I want mummy", she could see me and speak to me but wasn't allowed in the kitchen, after 5 minutes of crying I went out to her and after that she pretty much stuck by me except for snack time when I managed to get back into the kitchen, she could see me from her seat but even then got tearful. Over the next couple of sessions I'm supposed to leave her for a little while and then come back and then leave her for the whole session. She'll cry which is to be expected but I don't think she's going to stop!

She's not used to spending time away from me and I know she needs time to settle in but I have this sinking feeling that maybe a few weeks down the line they're going to tell me she's not ready.

Can somebody who had a clingy child reassure me that it'll work out fine please?

OP posts:
MissWooWoo · 14/01/2010 16:50

oh and should add dd is 2.7 and it's for 2 and a half hours twice a week

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Milliways · 14/01/2010 16:59

My DS used to have to peeled away and then went & cried on the nursery sofa. His keyworker laid next to him and said she would get up when he did- which shocked him into stopping!

He took a Looong time to not cry when I left, but he DID settle in. He was always happily playing or eating his tea when I went to collect him, so maybe you just have to bite the bullet and leave her there for a session and see what she's like at pick up?

I remember, at a nursery parent evening when he was 4, the staff saying how well he was doing and how they thought he was never going to be happy when he started as he was so upset. The only thing that kept me sane at the time was that a friend was training as a Nanny in same nursery and assured me that he WAS fine after a while each morning (but did take longer than some other kids, so they used more tactics with him).

If she knows you are nearby, she will cry for you to come back in.

Oh, and DS is now 14 and very well adjusted

Milliways · 14/01/2010 17:00

Oh, and DS was same age (maybe 2.5) and went for 3 whole days a week.

DD went full time from 6 months - MUCH easier to settle in!

EldonAve · 14/01/2010 17:05

why are they dragging it out so much?

Mine did an hour taster session and and then it was cheerio, mum is off for 3 hours

They can always call you if they need you to return

MissWooWoo · 14/01/2010 17:58

thanks Milliways that is reassuring to hear. I think you're absolutely right about her knowing I'm nearby and therefore "available" - it's probably not going to help.

How long did it take your ds to stop crying when you dropped him off - I mean in terms of weeks rather than at each individual session?

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MrsMattie · 14/01/2010 18:03

I hate the dragged out approach, too. Next time, look her in the eye, say 'Mummy will be back very soon, have fun, love you, bye' and leave sharpish.

Tell the nursery to let you know if she is really inconsolable for any significant length of time. Otherwise, give it a few weeks for her to settle in and it all starts to feel familiar to her.

I know it's ahrd at first - for both of you - but the likelihood is she'll be absolutely fine soon enough.

MissWooWoo · 14/01/2010 18:23

I don't mind it being hard so much ... I just don't want to be told she's not ready ... she's soooo clingy

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Milliways · 14/01/2010 19:02

DS was the King of the Cling-Ons

He cried for weeks (DH thinks maybe 2-3 months! I think maybe 4-6 weeks)and one night I told him that when he cried it made me cry - all the way to work. He was really interested in that. I could say to him, if you don't cry then I can be happy too. That seemed to work.

TBH, this was 12 years ago now. It may not have been that long -AND he WAS happy for 9/10 of the day. He even didn't want to come home at the end of the day whilst still crying in the morning.

However, he started school without a backward glance

MissWooWoo · 14/01/2010 19:48

as long as they don't make us redundant!

anyone else with clingy toddlers who "got over it" eventually at nursery?

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