Starting nursery - to perservere or not

[becs4444]

Hello Ladies,

This is a slightly pre-emptive question as I am very nervous already but please bare with me. My son Austin is 20 months and has always been a clingy boy. I haven't worked since I had him but my husband does work long hours so is a bit of a weekend Dad. I think because Austin is pretty much only used to me he is so clingy. Even now he cries if I get up to go to the loo or even just to the other side of the room sometimes. Even if Dad is home. Dont get me wrong he does love his Daddy and I do get the odd afternoon off when DH takes him off my hands.

I tried him in Nursery at around 1yr as I wanted to start an upholstery course. I'm not sure the nursery I picked was the best one but he absolutely hated it. He would be crying no matter what time I picked him up and became inconslable at home if I put him down or went to get something. After just 3 days in nursery my concerned Mum kindly offered to take him once a week instead. She gave me the real picture which is that he cried for the whole 3 hours with the odd 15 min break before he would remember I had left him and cried again. She was upset by this and we stopped all together. I gave in because I fet too selfish. I was only doing the course for me - how was Austin benefiting?

Now I am expecting number two in May and also am trying to illustrate books so could really do with a bit of a day care plan. I wanted to get this going before the baby arrives so he doesn't feel that I have got a new baby and shipped him off. I live in a different area now and we have an amazing nursery nearby. (great reputation) I have been trying to go and look around but the snow has delayed our visit. But they have room and he could start anytime.

Here's my question. When he inevitably hates it and cries, do I stick to my guns or do I cave?

I was hoping some of you ladies might have success stories up your sleeves with similar clingy toddlers. I am buying some books to read to him about starting nursery, I am also going to try to pursuade my Mother to have him once a week before he begins to get him used to me leaving (he gets on great with her but she lives to far away to be able to help long term). I am also going to try to pursuade the nursery to let me stay for the first couple of visits then leave for longer periods of time. I know in my heart this would work better.

I haven't ruled out childminders but I would prefer the nursery option.

Please, please let me know what you think honestly. Am I pushing him too early? Or am I being too soft. What are your experiences with over clingy toddlers?

Any advice would be so helpful!!

Becs x x

My dd is very clingy and with her it was all about the right age-for her she was ready when she was 3- I tried her earlier and she was miserable- as I didn't have to have her there (sahm) I could tak eher out and try again. However, she was ok with my friends for half a day when she was 2.

That's why I wouldn't dismiss a childminder as an option-it's much more like the environment he's used to and he may settle better-1 person in 1 small house is a lot easier to adjust to for some kids.If you find a good childminder it can be different to visiting one of your friends for your child. I have used both nursery and minder btw.

The nursery should let you visit/stay as long as you like or it's not a very good one!
I used to ring to see if my ds had stopped crying as he was very loud at drop offs and they were always happy to tell me how he was.

You can only try and have a back up plan.
Good luck!

I have worked since both mine were 6 months old, but can speak from experience of when they start pre-school etc.

I have never left mine crying. I always wait until they have stopped crying and started playing before going. And I always tell them I am going, and that I will be back soon. This meant waiting with them for several hours when they started the new (non-nursery) pre-school on the first week, an hour or so on the second week, and about 30 minutes on the third week. By that time they knew I would be back, had made a few friends and knew the staff. Now DD2 looks forward to "new school" (in fact she's just asked me if she's going today!) and runs in laughing and I have to go to her to get a kiss good-bye. Yet, in this second term there are still several children who's mums do the dump-and-run drop-off who are crying even now when they get there. For me, an investment of a few hours at the start is worth it in the long run.

I would persevere. But, stay with him. Play with him and encourage him to make new friends, and give it a few sessions so that he gets to know the staff. Gradually withdraw until you are not actually playing with him and eventually you will be able to drop him off like all the other parents do. He'll be going to school soon, if you don't get over this separation anxiety now it will make his reception year a night mare for both of you, and you'll have another baby/toddler to deal with by them too.

And with your new baby, start them one session a week when they are about 6 months old. They settle very quickly at this age, and it will make both your lives so much easier!

Good luck!

I remember the first time I looked after my nephew at 5 months. He cried for 5 hours off and on! 2 times. after that he was fine.

Re Nursery he needs to form an attachment with one carer (his key worker thats why nurseries have to have them now)
babies do cry, you have done a great job and he loves you. The crying will stop but it will take a few weeks, in my experience as a nursery owner/manager it will take 3 weeks and that is if it is a regular thing, not just once a week because that would be like starting over each week.

it is hard i know, i have a baby too, though my baby started nursery at 3 months part time so she was used to it before the attachement theory kicks in.

I personally would you a childinder (I used to be a nanny now work as a childminder) as the setting is usually, smaller, quieter and more of a home environment. Childminders normally have more time for children that nursery workers (I say generally as that has been my experience from working in a nursery)

A small nursery would also work but they usually have a lot of children.

I know where you are coming from becs. My son is nearly 3 and is due to satrt at nursery in April when he gets his free entitlement. He has never been looked after by anyone other than me and his dad and I keep worrying about what he'll be like when i leave him there. Some people say stay with him for a bit at the first few sessions an some say leave him straight away or he'll just cling to you while youre there. He is great aat playgroups tho and just dives straight in and plays with everyone and is very sociable so maybe I am worrying about nothing.lol.
As regards your situation i think i might look at putting him with a childminder who has a few children to look after in her own home. It might feel more homely for him this way. Hope all works out well for you.