is 17 months too young to start nursery?

[Maria2007loveshersleep]

Hi, just wanted your honest opinion about something. We're in the middle of a childcare nightmare situation where we really can't decide on what childcare we want/need for our 16 month old DS. My work hours (the same with DP's) are all over the place atm. We both work from home part time & have relied on a part time nanny so far who was very flexible & worked about 20 hours a week. However, she left us for another job in her previous field rather unexpectedly.

We have looked for CMs in the area but the closest are a bus ride away. Plus I have some reservations about the CM option. We also have looked for part time nannies, but (differently from our previous nannies) the ones we've found want long hours & specific days, which we just do atm since we don't know what hours/days we need as I'm in the middle of a job change.

So in the middle of all this we've been offered 2 full days of nursery starting in January when DS will be 17 months (we've been on this nursery's waiting list for ages, thinking we would start our DS there when he's 2 and a half). We don't have to use the 2 full days, we can drop him off late / pick him up early but we still need to pay the whole cost. I suppose the good thing is we'll get in the nursery (which is an excellent one) & then we'll have some of our childcare needs covered, and can then change hours as the months pass & we know more about what we need.

But my main issue is: is 17 months just too young for nursery? Please be brutally honest here. I'm very close to my DS & he gets upset when I leave him, and I don't want to force him into a situation that's too much too soon for him ifkwIm...

Hmm. This is probably not much help but I think it will very much depend upon your DS's temperament. Both my boys went to nursery at 6-7 months and were absolutely fine - bouncing and beaming when they went in, bouncing and beaming at the end of the day. But babies tend to be easier than toddlers because they haven't got the same degree of stranger anxiety.

So, if your son is the type who runs off at playgroup, flirts with other grown ups, is easily engaged in playing by other people, and generally likes to party, then he'll probably be fine. If he's a little introverted and not so gregarious, it might take a long while to settle him, but it doesn't mean that it won't work - it just means you are going to have to be prepared for some days of him fussing and you feeling rotten when you leave him. And what that means is that you will have to be 100% certain that the nursery is an excellent one and the carers are up to scratch - otherwise you'll never have the confidence necessary to leave him and the whole thing will just get worse and worse.

Hope that helps.

Thanks Gizmo. My DS is very social & yes, loves being around other people at playgroup. He always enjoys it hugely when we have company around & opens up easily to new people. However, he's also very close to me & DP & seems to hate it when we leave (but he's usually absolutely fine, I'm told, 5 mins later, once we've left).

As for the nursery, I really like it a lot & have had great recommendations about it. Obviously (given that we weren't considering the nursery option for another year or so) I'll have to discuss all this with the staff at nursery...

Hmmm, hard isn't it, I find myself racked with guilt whatever choice I make! I just wish I could not work, but I also love my work & do need the part time work for my sanity (plus the money it brings)... But I never ever feel completely ok with leaving him with childcare. Wonder if it'll feel easier later on?

Both mine went to nursery before they were 1 and love it. I never felt guilty, they get to play with other babies/toddlers, interact with other adults, play with cool toys and do painting/craft etc.

It might do, Maria. A lot of people take comfort from watching their children develop into happy, healthy little people, despite having been in childcare since early on.

Mind you, I am that mythical creature, a working mother who feels no guilt, so I'm not sure I'm the best person to make comments on this dilemma .

Still, your plan of talking to the staff about this sounds excellent: it must be the number one question they get from parents all the time. Some nurseries I know arrange for carers to give a secret signal out of the window, so that if you leave a child who is distressed, they can tell you that he has calmed down and is getting on with enjoying his day, so you can leave with a lighter heart . Rather sweet.

I think it's a great thing to work & feel no guilt. I think it's actually a much healthier reaction than the guilt I find myself feeling all the time. Once someone makes a decision- to work or not to work, depending on circumstances- then it's much better to embrace the decision & not feel guilty, as children thrive in various circumstances as long as the care is good... I've noticed that mothers who work part time (like me) tend to feel more guilt as somehow both work & childcare is not done quite as well as one would wish, but maybe I'm generalizing here.

My DS is now 3.5, and has been at nursery since he was a baby and loves it there. He is sooo sociable and outgoing, and has always liked going.

Give it a go, and see how he is - if you don't feel it's right for him, you can always go back to looking for nannies

Thanks for your responses. We've taken the plunge & have enrolled him for 2 days a week. We'll have to pay for the 2 full days but we plan to use fewer hours, and increase gradually depending on how it goes...

One thing we thought we'd do is for DP to do the settling in / dropping him off bit, & me doing the (much more fun ) picking up bit. This is because I think with my guilt etc I won't be able to handle the separation as well as DP will...