Nursery not being straight up about incidents

[flower68]

My son has recently started at a reputable nursery for two sessions a week. He is small for his age and has been coming back very upset saying one of the children has been pushing him. The child in question is bigger than my son and has learning difficulties which we knew about before we started there. My problem is that I am concerned the
staff aren't being upfront with me about what is happening between this child and my son. For example it was my son not the staff who told me about the pushing (which the other child can't help). I have now said twice to the staff -including a one-to-sone with the nursery manager - that I want to know about all such incidents so that I
have a sense of whether my son is going on about one incident or several and so I can try and support him- he's 3 and doesn't understand about learning difficulties. We have explained that the child inquestion doesn't mean to hurt him.

Today I picked him up and he had a red mark on his cheek. The nursery staff said
he had been in an accidental collision with
"another child" in the nursery. My son told me it was this same child and when I checked with the staff they confirmed this was the case. Given I had already
asked to be told about about all the incidents involving this child and my son, I
don't understand why they didn't just say this straight up. I have said all along that I don't blame the other child but I do want to make sure things are managed so that my son is OK.

The nursery has offered to move my son to a
different sessions but the issue is more that I don't understand why the staff aren't being more upfront with me and I am feeling increasingly uneasy about what else I don't know. I have said once again that I would like to be told about all these incidents.

I am tempted just to pull him out but he
otherwise seems OK there and on the whole I think the nursery is good. Also if I pull him out now would this leave me for the rest of the term's (hefty) fees?

All advice appreciated.

Normally they wouldn't tell you about pushing unless it causes injury and you have to sign an accident form

Even then you would not be told which other child was involved

You seem to bee focusing on this other child. Would you want to be informed which child had pushed your child if he didn't have LD? Why does it matter who hurt him?

They are not supposed to inform you which other child is involved in an incident. This is absolutely standard nursery policy that any nursery will follow and is supposed to follow. It is a bit potty when your child is old enough to tell you himself (IIRC one Mumsnetter with twins was told one day that Twin A "had bitten another child" and that Twin B "had been bitten by another child" when it was pretty obvious that Twin A had bitten Twin B -- that's probably taking the principle further than even OFSTED would like).

I feel for you flower, as a mother, you tell your kids don't push, don't hit, and then you're telling them ah, it's okay that boy who pushed you, he didn't mean to, he can't help it.

And, I say this as the mother of DS1 who has severe learning difficulties, a very timid DD who was regularly at the receiving end of being pushed and hit and DS2 who was occasionally the pusher/biter.

It's hard not being there when these things happen, especially when he's so little, but you can't blame the nursery for not telling you the name of the chid who's doing the pushing. If they're any good at all, they no doubt have regular contact with the parent(s) of the boy with LD.

Sorry if this all sounds a bit unhelpful, and I'm aware it isn't really meaningful advice, just I've been there on both sides of the fence, and both are horrible!